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Actually a question.

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Tarantula, Jan 22, 2008.

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  1. Actually a question.

    I assume asking any question in a Christian forum is futile, as the reply will always be "talk to God about it", lets face it, but I'll put it out anyway.
    I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now (as of the end of the month, in fact). She wasn't christian when we first met, but I took her to an event called Soul Survivor (don't know if anybody knows about it) and gave her life to Christ. Unluckily, she didn't receive much decent teaching, and I'm not in a good place to do so, and she has slowly slipped away. She believes in God but is very, uh, liberal in what she does. I'm moving in with her at the beginning of February (I'm really not feeling very comfortable about it, but her mum is kicking her out, so we kind of have to, and I'm doing it to support her). Along with that, she works in a bookies. I'm not greatly happy with my job, because of the hours, she offered a job at where she works, but for obvious reasons (not condoning gambling in any sort), I had to turn it down a number of times. I love her, a lot I really do, but she has no problem with what she does, she feels no remorse for the sins she does, or the ones she helps cause (gambling) and she often turns to anger quite quickly. I want to help her so much, but we are slowly drifting apart, and for the first time, I've started seeing others (females obviously) as attractive, particularly a friend of mine who lives an hour away, though she knows how I feel (its a long story but my girlfriend banned me from talking to her because I got on with her better as a friend than I did with my g/f). I've never done that WHILST in a relationship before. For that reason I feel I've wronged her. But, moreover, I want her to see the errors of her ways. Either that or I need to find someone who knows what they do and when they do wrong. What should I do?
    My, my. That was long.
    Should I break up with her, should I pray and pray and pray until God finally goes "OK, I'll make her see the light (that is, to say, the penny has dropped, not to die aka light at the end of the tunnel)", should I talk to her about how I feel about what she does and what we intend to do. I told her initially I had no problems with us moving in together. Now, it's getting late.
     
  2. Just curious, if you don't expect an answer why ask?
    You did a good thing leading this young lady to a place where she could be touched by God. Why did you stop? Find a good church and expose her(and you) to the Word of God and the love that can only be found in the presence of God. There is nothing to compare to the reality of being touched by God almighty Himself and it is obvious that your girlfriend was drawn to Jesus the first time she was exposed. The bible teaches that we reap what we sow. If we plant corn we grow corn, itf we plant wheat we grow wheat. Why not spend some time sowing the Word and love of God into both of your hearts.
    Do you really want me to address living with her. If you know God you already know that is not His plan for either of you. It is much easier to bring someone to Christ then to change them yourself as this is the job of the Holy Spirit. When someone has a face to face encounter with the very Living God all ones desires began to change and that one is lead into repentance . As we surrender our lives to the one who loves us most we find peace, joy and freedom that can be experienced nowhere else.
    There is a hole in every heart shaped just like Jesus. As long as that remains empty we wander about aimlessly trying to fill those empty spots with everything the world has to offer. We get what we strive for and a few minutes later we realize we are empty again. Only Jesus can fill your hearts my friend as we were created to intimately fellowship with God, anyhting else is contrary to our very purpose.
    I believe firmly in the power of prayer and will be praying for you both.
    Much love and many blessings IN Jesus Christ, brother larry.
     
  3. The problem is, I don't think I'll ever find a church I am happy with. There is so much hypocrisy and corruption (in incorrect leading) particularly in the British area of the Church, that I don't want her being led wrong. I feel it's because the Church is too afraid of the Government's control. Oh the days of Theocracy.
     
  4. Well there is good news brother- if there are hypocrites out there Chruch is the place they need to go to if they are ever to be helped. Spending time with God will cause us to be humble and bring us to the realization the true strenght is found only in total dependance on Him.
    God admonishes us in His Word to not forsake the assembling of the brethren- at church we are edified and built up in our faith. I would reccomend praying anfd asking God where He would have you attend. There are many churches that meet in small home groups and that is a good place to study the Word ( God's love letter to us) and meet and fellowship with our Christian family. It is obvious that your girlfriend has reacted well to God in the past and needs more exposure to Him and His Word. This is both hers and yours greatest need.
    When I go to church I am often oblivious to those around me as I come to do what I really came for- I get lost in worshipping God. By the time I am finished pouring my heart out in worship and receiving His love back I can see others thru His eyes. He loves the hypocrite, He loves the lost , He loves those who are bound and it is His greatest pleausre to use us to reach those people for Him.
    I pray God gives you wisdom, your brother Larry.
     
  5. Tarantula, there are resources for you to use in order to discern which church may be what you are looking for.

    There are directories located below for Blackpool, Lancaster and Barrow-in-Furness. These may be close to your home area, so perhaps one of the listings may assist you in your search:

    Google Directory - Regional*>*Europe*>*United*Kingdom*>*England*>*Lancashire*>*Blackpool*>*Society*and*Culture*>*Religion

    Blackpool :: A Church Near You :: Find a church in your area

    Lancaster :: A Church Near You :: Find a church in your area

    Barrow-in-Furness :: A Church Near You :: Find a church in your area

    Good luck in your search.
     
  6. Thank you both of you. Unluckily, those places are generally in the North of England, and I live in the "Deep South" of Berkshire, only one county away from the southern coast of Hampshire.
     
  7. There are some excellent churches in Berkshire and indeed in Hampshire.
    I will not recommend any specific church although living in Sussex I know many of the churches in that area.
    This forum is not an appropriate place for me to name specific churches.
    I suspect you have either not really looked at all of them or you are expecting perfection. You will never find perfection in any church. It is made up of sinners. But you will find sound teaching, fellowship and a place to grow in your faith.
     
  8. I don't even know where to start typing. :) Please take everything I am saying seriously and not as just being critical.

    1) Don't move in together. There are many, many reasons for this and not just spiritual. Couples who co-habitate are more likely to divorce later on than couple who do not. Don't just take my word for it. Go read some of the research literature out there on living together before marriage. You will find enormously more negative than positive things. I don't have the time right now, or I would provide you with tons of sources. I honestly believe that living together before marriage is like setting yourself up for failure. There must be some place else your girlfriend can go live if her mom is kicking her out. And that is a whole different issue there..... why is her mom kicking her out? Normally parents don't just say "you are grown and have a job, so get out." Usually it is because their adult/ semi-adult children are not able to abide by the rules of the house. You don't have to tell me the reasons she is being kicked out-- just think about it yourself and contemplate if this is a woman that you think you should be with.

    2) You mention that your gf became a Christian and now is turning away from a lack of positive Christian mentoring. I believe that this is a big problem everywhere. BUT.... do you really want to find yourself married to a non-believer one day? Is it possible that she never truly committed herself to God in the first place? You mention that she has no remorse for her sins. I realize that coming to Christ does not mean that people change overnight, but to have no remorse is still bothersome. When you come to Christ you are supposed to repent of your sins. Has she ever recognized her sin nature and repented? (By the way, ALL my questions are rhetorical. They are things for you to contemplate and answer honestly within yourself.)

    3) There are a lot of things that you mention about your gf that are bothersome to me. Normally, I wouldn't care, but from your other posts you seem to be a decent guy who has his head on straight. I just hate to see you make the same mistakes in relationships that I have. There are things you write about your gf that sound similar to the guys that I have wound up with. Quick to anger. No remorse. Liberal. "Christian." Jealous. Etc. (Although sometimes jealousy is justifiable and an individual should listen to their significant others opinion on staying away from certain others.) Notice I put Christian in quotes. I did so because it seems like these people are making a commitment to Christ and in reality there is no commitment nor desire for one. Anyone can say a prayer and profess to be a Christian, but it doesn't necessarily make them so.

    4) You are questioning about if you should break up with her. You admit that you are finding other females attractive (especially a certain female). You say that you are finding that you and your gf are drifting apart. I would say that maybe it is time for you to end it. You are not married to her (otherwise I'd suggest counseling). Moving in would be a bad idea, and you are uncomfortable with the idea anyhow. I would break things off now before it is too late and things have gone too far. Can you imagine what it would be like trying to end things with her while sharing a living space? She might very well walk out and take all your property with her. Or put your clothes in the bathtub and pour bleach on them. (This stuff happens, and you said she has anger issues.)

    Anyhow, I'll stop babbling now. If you want, I can delete my post and tell you to just pray. ;) But, you know that you should be praying anyhow. Have you ever thought that God has been whispering to you about this girl all along and you were just too infatuated to hear him? Sometimes God whispers, but we are so focused on what we want rather than what God wants that we ignore him.
     
  9. I think a Christian forum is as good a-place as any to mention churches. It's not so much seeking perfection, rather, its seeking honestly. Your point about sinners is true though. I just don't want to end up church hopping. My town is quite small, and is generally an older population. They are very backward, stubborn and traditional (and probably expects gays to be burned at the stake etc etc).

    Thank you Bookworm, that advise was very sound, and I will pray about it. She isn't as angry like you describing, she's not a psycho. Just pretty impatient (and I need patience), she has a lot of patience, but I'm very demanding in that way unluckily. The problem is, sorry I didn't describe this before is, she has no problem with me. She loves me no end, and has no intentions on ever walking out on me. She is being kicked out because her step-dad is a bastard (in the non literal sense) and as she is not his actual daughter, he doesn't want to have to "pay" for her (even though she pays for all her own food transport, and never is welcome at the table with her mum, step-dad and half sister). She feels very unwelcome in her own family, and I can't blame her for wanting to leave, her mum doesn't want her out really, but goes with what the step-dad says cause my g/f is nearly 20, they want us to break up and for her to go to university. She hasn't actually done anything wrong. I used to hear from God a lot. I believe I've encountered an angel during a stint of extremely painful depression and praying for hours on end. He used to talk to me so much, in a way where we could almost have a conversation. I don't know when it stopped exactly, or why. It was just very suddenly.
     
  10. You may indeed think this is a good place to mention churches by name but then you only joined this evening. We do not condem other churches on this forum and therefore for me to say which I believe are good churches in your area would mean i was saying I did not personally like those I did not mentioned. As a moderator that would be unacceptable.
    However if you are genuine in wanting to find a church send me a pm. Tell me where you live and what type of church you are looking for. By type I mean do you want a quiet traditional service or do you want a lively service? That sort of thing. Also tell me where you tried and what was wrong there. I will be happy to reply by pm.
    You may end up having to travel a bit to get to church but that is a small price to pay.
     
  11. Though I can vehemently state that the Baptists (British Baptists may be different) don't even try to be good Christians.
     
  12. Even amonst demoninations that are straying from the Word I find God loving people. And each church within such a denomination may even be quite different. But if you are unhappy with that one try another denomination. There are many to choose from and by God's grace you will find the one you fit into. But you will never know of course unless you try.
    If I may there are a few more things I would like to say on the subject.
    The longer you stay away from church the harder it is to go.
    Churchis not always about receiving. God has sent me places I would rather not go to reach and help people in genuine need.
    Eph 4:15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:
    Eph 4:16 From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.
    The body is like a chain- only as strong as it's weakest links and God can use each and everyone of us to build up, holding togeather, strengthening and edifying- sometimes a kind word in season can make all the difference. Sometimes simply reaching out in love to the unlovely and rejected is all we need do to see a life transformed for the glory of God. Selah.
     
  13. You ask..."Should I". But, honestly, if you look at what you consider morally right and Holy to God, I think you already know the answer. You, like me (most of the time), are simply having a hard time accepting that answer in your heart. And I won't kid you, it's hard...REALLY hard. The question really is, what are you willing to do about it? How important is your spiritual growth to you? Remember, it's not about what you SHOULD do about it, or how important God SHOULD be to you. But, where do you really want to draw that line?
     
  14. Tarantula, all the above is good info, however you need to find a church that is Bible orientated. Not sugar coated with what we want to hear but what we NEED to hear from Gods' word, PERIOD!.We here at CFS will help you in any kind of way, just let us know my brother. I been there dun that with what ur goin thru......oooooooooooyeah. Im prayin 4 u sir!
    God Bless you
    Chili out.
     
  15. My advice, along with all the fantastic advice you have already recieved would be an alternative to moving in with her.

    You said she already pays for food and transport etc. Why not check with some of the churches in your area for places that she could stay as a border, or someone who may have a small appartment in their house where she could afford to stay.

    I know that I could walk into any church in my area and find a great place to live in no time.

    It would then be a Christian atmospher too and it would be a safe place for this young Christian to start to grow.

    She is working and making money. You could help our here with some finances. If it doesn't work out you have not commited to things you will regret.

    All the best. It is up to you to be strong and water this seed that you planted and teach her the ways of God.

    You are a way ahead of the pack if she really loves and respects you. Then she will trust you and follow you.

    Lead her well.
     
  16. Hi,
    It's a good thing you asked for help because in the multitude of counsel, there is safety. firstly, l'd you to know God has definite plans for your life and so please, don't be in a hurry. Go check if it's your interest that matters most in the relationship or God's.I know you are having a hard time releasing her from your mind but there's a write up l know that will help you. It's in the current edition of The Word for Today by Bob Gass. Read the portion for sat.oct 4. Also, the current edition of Every day With Jesus by Selwyn Hughes will help as long as you are ready to open up to God for help because there are times we feel we on the right path but not until God shows us we are not . You can pray for the girl to really get converted but not for your sake but for God's glory. Remember, we are to do all things to his glory by seeking first his kingdom. God bless you.
     
  17. OK, let's start with the fact that you helped lead this girl to the Lord, which is a very good thing. Problem is you:

    1. Left it there by not continuing to try to help her find good Christian teaching and direction. Also, it seems like you need the same thing so my first advice would be to try and find that. You do not necessarily have to be in a Church to find these things. Fortunately, with the internet and television, there are other ways to learn how to be a Christian step by step. I recommend Joyce Meyer. You can google her and find her web site(I don't know if I am allowed to give you her web address or not, but you can find it yourself). You and your girlfriend will both highly benefit from this woman's teachings.

    2. You say you want her to stop sining, yet you are inviting her to move in with you, an act which is not exactly on the up and up, so what kind of message are you sending her?

    3. You keep talking about her... Her sins, her need to see the light, her need for repentance, etc. I am sure she does need to do all those things, but what about focusing on your own growth in God first.

    So, first, don't move in together! I am sure there are ways to find her an apartment. Second, find a good Christian source that can help both of you to start learning and growing in the Lord. And lastly, focus on your own spiritual shortcomings before you try to correct hers!

    Laura:)
     
  18. "You and your girlfriend will both highly benefit from this woman's teachings."

    Jesus is the Way, Trurth, and Life, no one comes to the Father but through Him.
    If someone's teachings don't line up with the Word of God then their teaching is false.
    Bearing good fruit is having Christ's words abiding in us. If we teach His teaching we bear good fruit. If we teach lies, we are bearing thorns.

    While Joyce Meyer is inspiring millions you should read this;
    Joyce Meyer - False Preacher
    If you want good teaching, don't go to the bestsellers rack. Pick up the dusty bible and pray. It doesn't sound like your friend is being convicted by the Holy Spirit, or maybe she's refusing to listen.

    May the Love and peace of Christ be with your spirits,
    mike

    Charles H. Spurgeon

    "The hearing of the gospel involves the hearer in responsibility. It is a great privilege to hear the gospel. You may smile and think there is nothing very great in it. The damned in hell know. Oh, what would they give if they could hear the gospel now? If they could come back and entertain but the shadow of a hope that they might escape from the wrath to come? The saved in heaven estimate this privilege at a high rate, for, having obtained salvation through the preaching of this gospel, they can never cease to bless their God for calling them by his word of truth. O that you knew it! On your dying beds the listening to a gospel sermon will seem another thing than it seems now." CHS

    "Do you know, my dear unsaved hearer, what God’s estimate of the gospel is? Do you not know that it has been the chief subject of his thoughts and acts from all eternity? He looks on it as the grandest of all his works. You cannot imagine that he has sent his gospel into the world to be a football for you to play with–that you may give it a kick, as Felix did when he said to Paul, "Go thy way for this time; when I have a convenient season, I will call for thee" (Acts 24:25). You surely cannot believe that God sent his gospel into the world for you to make a toy of it, and to say, as Agrippa said to Paul, "Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian" (Acts 26:28), and then put away all thought of it out of your souls. You cannot even speak of it irreverently without committing a great sin." CHS

    "Avoid a sugared gospel as you would shun sugar of lead. Seek the gospel which rips up and tears and cuts and wounds and hacks and even kills, for that is the gospel that makes alive again. And when you have found it, give good heed to it. Let it enter into your inmost being. As the rain soaks into the ground, so pray the Lord to let his gospel soak into your soul." CHS

    "Never lose heart in the power of the gospel. Do not believe that there exists any man, much less any race of men, for whom the gospel is not fitted." (CHS)

    "Let this be to you the mark of true gospel preaching - where Christ is everything, and the creature is nothing; where it is salvation all of grace, through the work of the Holy Spirit applying to the soul the precious blood of Jesus." (CHS)

    "If God does not save men by truth, he certainly will not save them by lies. And if the old gospel is not competent to work a revival, then we will do without the revival." (CHS)

    "On Christ, and what he has done, my soul hangs for time and eternity. And if your soul also hangs there, it will be saved as surely as mine shall be. And if you are lost trusting in Christ, I will be lost with you and will go to hell with you. I must do so, for I have nothing else to rely upon but the fact that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, lived, died, was buried, rose again, went to heaven, and still lives and pleads for sinners at the right hand of God." (CHS)

    "We have an unchanging gospel, which is not today green grass and tomorrow dry hay; but always the abiding truth of the immutable Jehovah." (C.H. Spurgeon)

    "If the Lord's bearing our sin for us is not the gospel, I have no gospel to preach." (C.H. Spurgeon)

    "The heart of the gospel is redemption, and the essence of redemption is the substitutionary sacrifice of Christ." (C.H. Spurgeon)

    "When we preach Christ crucified, we have no reason to stammer, or stutter, or hesitate, or apologize; there is nothing in the gospel of which we have any cause to be ashamed." (C.H. Spurgeon)
     
  19. I live aroung the corner from you..I know what you mean...I live int he back of beyond and not a decent church for 5 odd miles...which is no good to me as I am a none car driver and have 2 disabled kids and sunday bus service is pitiful...and yes american baptist and british ones differ greatly.

    But there are some non denom home groups where they can help with transport...give me a week to get back to you for ones in your area.

    As for answering the question...you dont need us to...you already know the answer.:groupray:
     
  20. You know "least in the Kingdom" I don't want this to become a heated debate about what teacher is better but I will say that inviting a new believer to read or listen to someone's hateful rantings about a woman who has led millions to salvation is not a way to direct him towards Christ! Instead of tainting someone's mind with what someone else thinks or believes about a person, why not let him decide what he thinks by just listening to one of Joyce's messages? Oh, and by the way, in 13 years since I have been listening to Joyce I have never heard her "stammer, or stutter, or hesitate, or apologize" about her faith. In fact the only person she has credited with her dramatic change is Jesus Himself. Oh and she actually does follow scripture. Just because someone's religious spirit, narrow mindedness or plain interpretation of her preaching does not allow them to see that she does, it doesn't mean she doesn't!

    Laura:)
     
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