Abuse and people pleasing

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by christianbacktobasics, Jan 18, 2016.

  1. I’ve really enjoyed being back on CFS lately and already I’m catching up with old friends and making new and one of those new friends cturtle asked me if I’d share a little of what I thought about the questions of recovering from co-dependance, abuse or people pleasing. Judging by her comments on various threads on this Forum, I think she’ll probably know more than me and will add some wisdom of her own to this thread so as requested, I’ll share my thoughts as briefly as I can, to bring to light some thoughts.

    I believe Cturtle hit the nail on the head by using the word ‘recovering’ because like any issue in the Christian Life, past abuses or hurts can take time for the Lord to work these out of the lives of those He saves after all, God catches His fish and then He cleans them! Take the Children’s of Israel; they were delivered by God from the hands of their slavery in Egypt, they crossed over the Red Sea and the Sea closed in behind them cutting them off from their old life (which is a foreshadow of the New Testament Baptism) and setting them forward into the new but as we could see, they might have been out of Egypt but Egypt wasn’t out of them. Their ways, thoughts, hurts, frustrations and actions were now God’s issue to deal with and He dealt with these by challenging them to grow throughout their 40 year Wilderness Experience. He sifted them, taught them and built them to the point, that when they crossed over the River Jordan, they were now a fully functioning Nation ready to conquer their promised land. The Nation of Israel recovered from their slavery and grew from being a complaining people to a mighty army.

    This foreshadow of the Children of Israel is the basis of what God reveals to us of the walk of a life in Him but the key point, which I hope I illustrated above, is that only God by His Spirit and His leading (you can do nothing of yourself) can ever change a person’s life (by the washing and regeneration of the Holy Ghost) and any attempt on our own, other than to follow the leading of God, would bring much frustration and unfruitfulness. This might sound like a bit of an obvious one but many experienced Christians would agree; it’s very easy to lapse into our own strength and not lean on God. The second thought I’d put forward is that whether the subject be co-dependence, abuse or people pleasing is that each of these hurts, all of which need to be considered in detail, all have the same root cause and that root cause is Fear. It doesn’t matter what the subject or the weakness a person might have; you’ll find that the root of the issue which is troubling them in their Christian Life is Fear.

    I’m blessed to have some individuals and couples in my circle of Christian Friends who are very experienced counsellors and it stuns me at their discernment of a person’s situation but they’d say, and God’s Word would confirm (Jesus Said Fear Not multiple times) that the issue they’re working toward, is having the individual recognise the fear and allow God to take that Fear away. Take the hurt of rejection for example, quite possibly one of the worst things a person could do to another and one of the most scarring as well but it’s not rejection as such that’s the main issue, it’s the fear of rejection which is the root. So I think within the recovery process having an understanding of fear itself and how it works is essential to bringing an individual to the place of release and that’s not easy in some cases but like Cturtle said, it’s a recovery.

    The third thought I’d put forward once a person recognises the need to completely give their issues over to God and understand this root fear that drives their issues is to turn them to the Word of God. Now that might sound like a bit of a cop-out however, I believe that when the Word is taught to an individual in love, with Grace and in the correct way, then God’s Word is truly more powerful than any two edged sword but here’s what I believe to be the problem. God’s Word teaches us that Milk is for the Babes and the Meat of the Word is for those who are full of age (experienced and elder Christians) however if God’s Word, all of which is a masterpiece, is taught incorrectly then it’s doubtful a Christians would ever really grow. No, a Christian especially new, needs to first establish themselves in Love and in Grace and to find their feet in their own personal relationship with Jesus Christ which comes from teaching them how to hear from God, listening to Milk Teachings and last but not least, fellowship with other believers especially those who have been around the block a few times. And we’ll find that many of the issues an individual has just falls away in the process.

    I’ll go for one more point so as to not go on too long and this is a big one, them encountering God for themselves. I use the illustration of an apple; could you imagine if you were standing up in-front of a congregation of people who had never tasted an apple before and you were explaining to them that they are juicy and crunchy and full of sweetness well, you would have a whole congregation of people walking out of there having a ‘head knowledge’ of what it’s like to eat an apple but, they have no idea whatsoever what it tastes like. This is exactly the position you find yourself in at times as a Pastor and I certainly learned early on as a Youth Pastor that no matter how great my teachings were, no matter how much I adored the kids, took them to Christian events, planned weekends camping or spent time with them in prayer; that only God could come through and transform their lives with the Big Guns. Wee example before I finish. I had one lad and his Father, who was split up from his Mum had said to him, “don’t text me, don’t facebook me and don’t phone me I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.” This lad was 14 and we were close to the family so it was quite easy to support him and make sure that he knew that God would never think the same way.

    But, I knew he was sad underneath and I’d prayed and prayed as you could imagine however at youth event, God spoke to Him directly and changed him in a way that I could never have dreamt of. The lad had a vision and it was a vision of him walking into his father’s restaurant but it was empty and as he stood there in his vision, God came up behind him and said “why are you looking for your father? I’m right here.” This broke him completely, what joy, and from then on he was changed! He forgave his father in the Lord’s Spirit but no longer felt he needed to carry the burden anymore but more than that, he knew he now that had a father who wouldn’t let him down. Now Sharon and I were absolutely assured that we did a fantastic job with the youth church but in the end, no matter how much love and support we gave, nothing could compare to encounters with God.

    The reason I shared that last bit was because it was a great teaching for me too, I realised early that I was never really there to shoulder too much of the burden, I was there to oversee the work of God’s Spirit and His Big Guns came through every time after that. Christians need encounters with Jesus Christ like that otherwise they’ll only ever have that knowledge of how an apple tastes and it is the same with God, you can know all mysteries and have all knowledge but without love (God is Love), it’s nothing. I think that all of these factors are some of the keys to weaning an individual out of an old way of thinking and recovering into another and I’ve purposely kept this message to a brief so that God’s Spirit can work through those individuals who’ll comment so others can be blessed.

    I hope this has been an enjoyable message, I’m more used to speaking sermons that writing them!

    Mykuhl, Angela333, Cturtle and 2 others say Amen and like this.
  2. Beautiful sermon and a must read!!!!! I love the keyword "recovering" speaking from experience, it is a process.

    Thank you for sharing. That was a good read!!!!
    Cturtle likes this.
  3. Thanks so much God4me for your kind words, really encouraged me. It's almost 1am here in Scotland and I've managed to hurt my neck pretty badly so sorry about any grammer errors. I'm not much of a hardy Scotman anymore so I think I'd better go to bed. Looking forward to more fellowship with you...
  4. I will pray that all is well and you take care of yourself.
    Cturtle likes this.
  5. Wow! I fully agree....a very enjoyable read! As I pray about my two cents (if God should lead) could you please talk about the role that renewing the mind plays in all of this? And if one needs to know exactly how the Word works, before one is able to put it to work?

    God bless! And I agree with @godbe4me, for complete restoration and renewing of your body (ps 103:1-5) like the eagle.
  6. #6 christianbacktobasics, Jan 19, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2016
    Hello Cturtle and thank you so much for the kind response and I'm so glad you find it agreeable. I have to say I'm most probably the same as you in that there needs to be that healthy balance of both God's Word and God's Spirit operating in our lives as one would never contradict the other so, I tend to base my teachings around the First Principles of the Oracles of God in Hebrews Six which pretty much gives you each of the foundational milk of the word teachings of God's Word as a great starting point. I believe these teachings are absolutely essential to laying a sure foundation in a Christian's life because the teachings gives Christians the assurance of not only knowing 'who they are in Christ' but more importantly 'who Christ is in them.' The next layer I go for, in answer to question about the renewal of the mind, is to go on to grow in the Grace Virtues in Second Peter. Don't worry I'm not going to become boring and hopefully you'll really enjoy the rest and again, I'm sure you'll maybe know these things and I'm pretty sure you'll agree....here we go.

    The Book of Second Peter as I'm sure you know was written about a year before he was murdered and it seemed as though, through the revelation of the Spirit, that he had a deep desire to share a letter with some of the most crucially important teachings we believe as Christians. Chapter One - Growing in Grace, Chapter Two - being aware of false teachers and Chapter Three - looking to the coming of the Lord and standing fast. But when it comes to the renewal of mind, I believe the first chapter has all the answers because of what Peter says are the results Verse 11 - "For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom..." So how does this result come? Earlier in the chapter Peter (therefore Christ) encourages his readers to not just be satisfied with salvation alone but to go on and grow in the Grace Virtues. Again I'm sure you know the verses - giving all diligence add to you faith Virtue, knowledge, self control, endurance, godliness, brotherly kindness and to brotherly kindness charity. Always the word of warning for any less experienced Christians reading this, only God's Spirit can birth these character virtues within us so please read on...

    Peter says, "if these things be in you and abound, they will make you that you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ" What a result! So if we do these things we will neither be barren nor unfruitful and an entrance shall (in this time) be ministered unto me abundantly into his everlasting kingdom? The answer is yes and before I put forward how I believe this happens, let's look quickly at the result of not growing. It says that if we don't add these things to ourselves, that we will become blind, not being able to see afar off and, forgetting the joy of being purged from our old sins. The answer is simple, grow in these grace virtues which will produce the fruits of the spirit within you or, don't grow and become blind. I cannot be more passionate about the subject of growth but, a Christian needs to know what it is God is exercising them in or they'll become very confused indeed. As a young Christian I'd heard many sermons about growth and what God wants us to do but I became extremely frustrated at time because the Minister didn't explain to us how!

    So vowing never to be that man; I hope you see the teachings above as being the true and correct interpretation of God's Word when it comes to the doctrines of growing and renewal of mind but, how? How does He, by His Spirit, Renew our minds? Along with prayer, receiving words from Him, Dreams, reading our Word and fellowship with other believers, God simply uses the circumstances we find ourselves in and the situations He moves us toward, to mold our character and help us grow in the grace virtues after all, your God's child, He wants you to succeed. But as a child you must understand, that God is a Father like no other, He will rebuke you, He will chastise and correct at times and He'll quite often put us in situations which exercise our character. So for example and I'm sure cturtle would be with me on this; if you are in need of patience, God will put the most irritating individual you could possibly think of in your way to exercise your patience and, help you grow in these grace virtues. God uses anything, any situation, any circumstance to renew your mind and make you more like His dear Son however, God wants you to be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ and, make you so well rooted that you will never fall.

    Over the course of my Christians life and again there would be so many experienced Christians who would agree, that God doesn't tend to get you out of situations and if you want out, the only way out us 'through' but there's another side to that coin in that when God blesses you in a way that you feel overwhelmed with giving you great success and prosperity. The latter is what many Christians including myself want but in the end, we can't deny the scriptures, God renews our mind by encouraging us to grow and hopefully tonight, I will have put forward what I believe God uses to birth the true fruits of the spirit within a Christians. One last one - one of the keys to interpreting scriptures is that if you interpret verses in the Word correctly, take the plain meaning of the text, in context with book and chapter and be led by the spirit, then you will find no other passage in the scriptures which would contradict those teachings. Second Peter was given to us by the Lord Jesus Christ to reveal what we are to grow to renew our mind and produce true fruits of the spirit but we need to accept the hard times as well as the good times for God, to truly change us and when we trust Him, see Him for who He is, we can walk forward in this knowing that Victory is assured!

    I hope this has been a decent reply to your question Cturle and I hope you enjoy x
    Cturtle, Mykuhl and Angela333 says Amen and like this.
  7. I love the boy's vision or dream it was very beautiful.
  8. Hello Pancakes and thanks for that, it was amazing how God turned it around for him...
  9. Good thoughts!
    Cturtle likes this.

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