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Abstinence

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by freedfromdestruction, Aug 10, 2007.

  1. Abstinence

    I could not figure out where to put this so if it needs moved be my guest.
    I received this in an email. While I am not sure if this is actual it certainly makes a point.
    Abstinence
    (By Robert Layton)
    I WAS HOLDING A NOTICE FROM my 13-year-old son's
    school announcing a meeting to preview the new course
    in sexuality. Parents could examine the curriculum and
    take part in an actual lesson presented exactly as it
    would be given to the students.
    When I arrived at the school, I was surprised to
    discover only about a dozen parents there. As we
    waited for the presentation, I thumbed through page
    after page of instructions in the prevention of
    pregnancy or disease. I found abstinence mentioned
    only in passing. When the teacher arrived with the
    school nurse, she asked if there were any questions. I
    asked why abstinence did not play a noticeable part in
    the material.
    What happened next was shocking. There was a great
    deal of laughter, and someone suggested that if I
    thought abstinence had any merit, I should go back to
    burying my head in the sand. The teacher and the nurse
    said nothing as I drowned in a sea of embarrassment.
    My mind had gone blank, and I could think of nothing
    to say. The teacher explained to me that the job of
    the school was to teach "facts, " and the home was
    responsible for moral training. I sat in silence for
    the next 20 minutes as the course was explained. The
    other parents seemed to give their unqualified support
    to the materials.
    "Donuts, at the back, " announced the teacher during
    the break. "I'd like you to put on the name tags we
    have prepared-they're right by the donuts . . . and
    mingle with the other parents. "Everyone moved to the
    back of the room. As I watched them affixing their
    name tags and shaking hands, I sat deep in thought. I
    was ashamed that I had not been able to convince them
    to include a serious discussion of abstinence in the
    materials. I uttered a silent prayer for guidance. My
    thoughts were interrupted by the teacher's hand on my
    shoulder. "Won't you join the others, Mr. Layton?" The
    nurse smiled sweetly at me. "The donuts are good."
    "Thank you, no, " I replied. "Well, then, how about a
    name tag? I'm sure the others would like to meet you."
    "Somehow I doubt that, " I replied. "Won't you please
    join them?" she coaxed. Then I heard a still, small
    voice whisper, "Don't go." The instruction was
    unmistakable. "Don't go!" "I'll just wait here, " I
    said.
    When the class was called back to order, the teacher
    looked around the long table and thanked everyone for
    putting on name tags. She ignored me. Then she said,
    "Now we're going to give you the same lesson we'll be
    giving your children. Everyone please peel off your
    name tags." I watched in silence as the tags came off.
    "Now, then, on the back of one of the tags, I drew a
    tiny flower. Who has it, please?" The gentleman across
    from me held it up. "Here it is!" "All right, " she
    said. "The flower represents disease. Do you recall
    with whom you shook hands?" He pointed to a couple of
    people. "Very good, " she replied. "The handshake in
    this case represents intimacy. So the two people you
    had contact with now have the disease." There was
    laughter and joking among the parents. The teacher
    continued, "And whom did the two of you shake hands
    with?" The point was well taken, and she explained how
    this lesson would show students how quickly disease is
    spread. "Since we all shook hands, we all have the
    disease."
    It was then that I heard the still, small voice again.
    "Speak now," it said, "but be humble." I noted wryly
    the latter admonition, then rose from my chair. I
    apologized for any upset I might have caused earlier,
    congratulated the teacher on an excellent lesson that
    would impress the youth, and concluded by saying I had
    only one small point I wished to make. "Not all of us
    were infected, " I said. "One of us . . . abstained."
     
  2. This is good~:)
    Did you send this to me awhile back?
     
  3. Hello Violet,
    I am not sure. I do so much on line that I actually forget sometimes where and what I have done. This is an excuse for old age. :D
     
  4. HaHa! It's good and now all can see it!
     
  5. That Light is so revealing!:)
     
  6. Excellent excellent.
    This is the reality though, those of us that would support abstinance are met with increduality.
    We are told that 'this' is what teenagers do.
    I feel sorry for 'teenagers' that this is all we expect of them, they live up to our expectations.
    Two of my own sons fell into this trap, and they have paid the price and my younger children have seen that waving our fist in the face of God through disobedience, brings nothing but pain.
     
  7. What a great story! I am going to share it with my 12 year old. We are very open with her and I have been talking about abstinence for a long time. (I have also talked to her briefly about birth control because if she DOES make the choice to be sexually active when she is older, I want her to have the facts). There was a movie on Lifetime a while back called "Girl Positive" about a girl that had sex with the most popular guy in school. It was her first time and she was pretty excited that it was with him. Later on she finds out he has HIV. I had Emily watch it with me and we talked about how not only HIV can be a consequence, but also pregnancy, and lesser STDs. We've also talked and talked about how once you have a baby, your entire life changes. She wants to go to college and travel and do all of that fun stuff and we keep hammering home that you just can't do that with a baby.

    As you can see - this is a topic of some discussion in our house! We are very fortunate that both of our kids are open with us. They will ask us ANYTHING (sometimes we have to blush and collect our thoughts, but we always answer unless it's something personal - even then we give them an answer of some sort).
     
  8. May I just share something here if I may. I feel that abstinence should be taught in the Christian home for one reason. That reason being that we are to honor our Lord through obedience which stems from love. I do not feel that it is proper to teach that abstinence for the Christian is to be followed because we might contact an STD. I know of the film you are speaking and I feel it is not Christ honoring because it sends the wrong reason for purity. Our actions are to be done from a heart of love for God, not the threat of a disease, nor should it be love and threat. To do so changes why we are Christians and makes our faith void due to law keeping. If we cannot obey out of personal sacrifice due to love for the Lord then remaining abstinent has no virtue in regards to Christ because we did out of fear rather then love. I hope I am understood on this. God bless:)
     
  9. Yeah I figured someone would come back with that.

    In my home abstinence is taught whatever way it can be taught. I can tell her "it's the Christian thing to do" and she understands that but it's the cold hard facts that actually stop the activity. Do I wish this was different? Of course.
     
  10. This is a big topic! But foundational in our Christian faith! As Christ is coming for a pure bride and marriage is a a picture and "example" of His ways. (Yes, we can only be pure through His salvation as all have sinned.) It is also about unconditional obedience. As I was growing up in the 70's and 80's, it was very widely believed that the Christian faith and abstinence was completely idiotic! Then HIV struck and suddenly, those who obeyed without completely knowing why - were safe.

    Not only that, but many wives are insecure in the marriage when they engage in premarital relations with their future husbands! Time after time after time I have spoken to women who don't trust their husbands. "He slept with me before we were married, how else will he compromise?"

    In our home (3 girls from 16-22 and one son 23) we not only have spoken openly about God's desire for sexual relations, but also about how God and His ways always end up superior, even if we don't completely understand in this world.

    So it is about understanding His Word and His ways, about following His direction and realizing that no good gift is to be withheld. Some things are meant to be enjoyed at the right time! Most people have never eaten a ripe pineapple. In an effort to ship them to countries where they are not native, they are picked before ripe. When they ripen of the plant they are good, but not as sweet and fantastic as they are when picked ripe off the plant. Unfortunately, many miss out on depth of blessing God wants for them because they lack obedience and humility to follow God's ways.

    Fortunately, if we keep our children sheltered as God commands, then chances are we should have plenty of time to teach them obedience and God's ways. Then when they are "tempted" in coming of age and sexual arousal and are able to conceive the sin of sexual gratification outside of marraige (see James 1: 14-15) we should have a good basis to teach them that the feelings are not bad, but we need to wait for God's timing and marraige.
     
  11. Absaining

    I am going to turn 22 this year December, So I am still young :) and believe am not going to marry anytime soon. For the best way for me to abstain is to stay away from anything that will lead me to sin......So I don't Courtship[infact most churches here teach this here but I do this not because of their teachings because my Heart and Spirit is focus on God, I courtship with God:)].I love God and I hate sin as He do, If got His Spirit also I should hate sin......Then one of my prayers is that, this scripture below applies in me for all my life....I abstain and Live to please Jesus Christ even when I would be married everything I will do would be to worship My Father God.

    1 peter 1 :5-9 {5
    But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge,

    6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness,

    7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.

    8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

    9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. }
     
  12. Thank you, Nathi~
    for the scriptures, too.
    I just had this talk with one of my children yesterday, explaining how we don't put ourselves in compromising positions. Don't allow yourself to go into situations where you will be faced with temptation~
     
  13. This is sooooo good, Freedom :) Excellent. :amen:
     
  14. I remember being in health class when we covered the ways to avoid sexual disease. The teacher asked for the best way to avoid STDs. Several students, myself included, raised their hands.

    "Condoms?"

    "Those only work 85% of the time."

    "Withdrawl?"

    "That works sixteen percent of the time."

    "Surgery?"

    "That works, but isn't a feasible method for your age group."

    Then the teacher, who hadn't smiled up to this point, grinned and asked for my opinion. She knew my background in the church, and knew that I wore my purity ring for a reason.

    "Abstinence?"

    "Exactly."

    Another student made a confused noise and asked, "What's that?"

    "It's saving sex for one person, namely the person you marry," I replied.

    I had about thirty students laughing at me at that point, but the teacher quieted them and said, "It's true. The easiest way to avoid a disease is to avoid whatever causes it."

    To illustrate her point, she had one of the girls carry a box of donuts around to all the guys she thought was cute. There were only two of us that chose to reject the donuts...myself and my other Christian friend, Paul. She used a similar illustration to the flower.

    I've never seen a redhead blush so hard that her hair matched her skin. I felt bad for her, but the point was made: abstinence is for the best.
     
  15. That was a really good illustration. Thank you for sharing.
     
  16. Chastitiy and Abstinance

    Dear Freedom from destruction,

    May God be with you!

    Wonderful! Thank you for sharing! I would add that abstinance without chastity can easily fail because there is no "reason" or "authority" behind abstinence alone. That is how planned parenthood thwarts us Christians, "well they're going to do it anyway at sometime so they have to know about the pill and condoms and abortion."

    Chastity brings God in as the ultimate author of our bodies. There is a God given purpose for which they were made. When we as parents treat our spouses as holy temples of God (in that we have the Holy Spirit in each of us in our souls and impart that to our children and practice respect), then abstinence is a no brainer!

    God bless you!
     
  17. This is a good thread and all parents should discuss it with their kids- moral values should be taught at home and not dictated by secular decree.
     
  18. I agree Mark, there is also scripture that talks about not awakening desire before it's time, a very hard thing to do in our sexualised society.
    We have to teach from early on that sex is a gift for marriage, it isnt for 'us' to dish out as we feel driven.
    It has only one context.
     
  19. Dear Boanerges,

    May God be with you!

    In his Encyclical "Humanae Vitae" Pope Paul VI stated that "parents are the primary educators of their children." This seems like a no-brainer except when you look at our public schools and see how parents have turned over their children to the dominion of our secular society wholesale!

    It is very scary! And the Catholic Church has not been immune either. In an effort to prevent the homosexual and pedophile scandal a few years back, the US Bishops demanded that all parents, teachers, Priests of course, and volunteers go through rigorous training on child molesters. This has been good to a point. However, it only addresses child molestation and not the homosexual issues which were far more prevalent. And worse yet, it dragged our innocent children to be potentially brought through a program that was totally inappropriate for pre-school through 5th grade.

    In Minneapolis, several great parents and priests got together and formed an organization to educate other parents and parishes about the dangers of the "talking about touching" program. Many of us were successful in educating our Priests and parishes to use a different program that brought in God first and Chastity and leaving the bulk of the education of our small children to the parents where it belongs.

    As parents, we cannot expect others to care for our children to the same degree as we do. We must always be aware and fight for what is right and good under God for our children.

    God bless you!
     
  20. Dear Jax,

    May God be with you!

    Yes yes and yes!!!!!!!! Absolutely! I don't even let my girls watch the Disney kids sitcoms because there is too much behavior mimicking older kids and adults at inappropriate ages. If they do happen to see something, I will at least use it as a teaching moment as to why that is against God's plan for us and just what is God's plan for us!

    There are many wonderful women and men in the bible to help illustrate His plan plus many martyrs of the faith like St. Maria Goretti

    God bless you!
     

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