A lot of worries

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Alma1995, Apr 19, 2016.


Is it possible to find a virgin godly woman in this era?

  1. Yes, you can find one

    4 vote(s)
  2. No, give up on that dream and live a celibate life.

    1 vote(s)
  1. Hello everyone, I'm a Christian male 20 years old from Argentina. Yesterday my best friend who is female, same age and whom I've known for the past six years confessed she had feelings for me. Even after I've spent this past 6 years answering her that I would only marry a virgin woman and not date a non-virgin she had the guts to confess (if someone didn't get what I'm trying to point out, she isn't virgin). To be honest, as any man I find her appealing and attractive. However, the fact she has had more sexual partners than my heart can take and she only seemed repentant because I didn't like it makes me really doubt she may be a suitable partner. What I am trying to say is, she repents because I do not look for a non-virgin woman but had she fallen in love with a guy who doesn't really care, would she had repented?. To make things short, I do not how to move with this situation. She is my best friend and by fate she is the only friend that persisted through the years. I really don't want to pursue a relationship with her because 1) I am virgin and I would really like to have my first time with a first timer 2) I know myself and this virginity thing will get in the way and 3) I cannot really imagine myself well "becoming one with her" without feeling a bit disgusted.
    I want to state I do not think any less of her for not being virgin, she is my princess. Also, I noticed that I can't read anything regarding "cheating" without feeling extremelly uncomfortable. For example, I've just read in a local newspaper "What's the best time to let go a lover" and my whole mind was "Whoa! Has cheating become so common?? Poor poor spouse!".
  2. Hi Alma,

    I hope your well....

    While reading your post I was thinking.... Thank you heavenly Father for your GRACE, MERCY, LOVING KINDNESS, FORGIVENESS :D:)

    Your friends past is her truth, and nobody has the right to make her feel awful about something the Lord has forgiven her for! Equally your preference on whom you marry is your truth and your right.

    Is this the ONLY prerequisite you have for the woman you desire to marry? I'm sure you will be able to find a woman of your choice in this day and age yes... Certainly, especially as you are young yourself.... However if this woman is your best friend, and has many other attributes you desire in a woman then would this really be a deal breaker for you? How past is her past? Just a couple q's for you to think about really.... ;)
  3. Hello Alma! First, I really need to appreciate the importance you are giving about keeping the sanctity of sex and its relevance to marriage. The generation today is loosing it.
    What is really important would be her relationship with Jesus. Has she repented it? After that, has there been a change in her life? That is all that matters. Given that you know her so well, I am pretty sure you would know about her faith as well. If she is a believer in Christ, then she is a new being. She is born from above. Past is gone. we all have dark past!! If we are are held accountable for our past actions, we deserve only death. Jesus gave up his life and through Him, we are alive today and dead to our sins.
    Case likes this.
  4. Welcome to the forum. Please take a few moments and read the Community Rules. As to your question, don't put God in a box.
  5. Hi everyone, thank you for your answers.
    Yes! It is my dream. Honestly, I do not really want to pursue a relationship with a non-virgin. Once I know they are not virgins, all attraction I may had fades away.
    I never questioned or belittled her for the choices she made in the past. I just told her that I had to think about it.
    If I said she doesn't have any of the attributes I desire in a woman I would be lying. But virginity and chastity is the first thing I look in a partner. Well, her past is pretty much the present. What I'm trying to say is that she repented from what she did because I myself didn't look for a non-virgin not because she fears the Lord.

    I'm sorry if I broke any rules by making this thread. I hope I can find one day the virgin woman who I wish I can spend the rest of my life with. For now, my task now is to think how to reject her the less hurtful way possible.
  6. Alma, I think that looking for a virgin is a great prerequisite to look in for a future spouse, however, nobody is perfect. If she is truly a christian, and has truly repented of her sin, then God does not see her sin and we should not hold it against her. Everybody, virgin or not, has baggage from previous relationships and has struggles that they will deal with.

    Since she sounds like she has repented of her sin, I see no reason why not to pursue her as a wife. Sounds like you guys are already pretty good friends.
    Phoenix111 and Abdicate say Amen and like this.
  7. But how come virginity makes someone perfect? I'm not asking for much.
    I do not hold it against her. I don't condemn her for what she did but I can't fully appreciate she is a new creation.
    A sexual past is baggage that I can't deal with. I'm like this. I don't deserve to deal with that.
    Because she has a past that I don't want to accept. I rather keep on being her best friend rather than a crappy boyfriend and eventually an unloving husband. And yes, we are best friend.
  8. Hello Alma,
    I'm curious to know if this girl finds you a suitable future life partner and father for her children?
    You have said a lot about the importance of virginity...to you, but what is most important to her?
    How do you measure up?
    Alma there is your answer. Move on and leave her free to find someone who wants her for her whole self and not just a small item of her.
    When you gain some maturity, you will come to realize that though there are 101 reasons to practice chastity, if for any reason that condition is lost, that is not the end of the world.
    Time alone will tell. Do not prejudge her.
  9. I've told her in the past that I always date with marriage in my mind so my guess that if she proposed to me she did it taking that information into account. I guess that for her love it's more important (and for sure I would like it to be the only thing I looked for). I didn't get the last question but I'm male, refraining from sex, finishing college this year and she knows that I've rejected several ONS in the past at some parties we were at.
    You make it sound as if I don't really like anything from her. I'm still trying to come up with words so I can save my friendship with her. The way she is, I'm worried she might give an ultimatum: romantic partners or nothing
    How come not being able to come to terms with the fact the woman that wants to date me isn't virgin make me inmature? I don't think it's the end of the world or she lost value. I'm just romantic and for sure it takes away the attraction.
    I know her, I'm not prejudging her. Maybe she always repents from his past partners once she finds a new one.
  10. Also, God is able to restore the virginity and the heart.
    Klub likes this.
  11. Virginity once lost is lost. One can become virgin once again to the eyes of God but not to others.
  12. Oh ye of little faith. Is anything too hard for God?
  13. God can achieve all things. Nothing is impossible to him. But I am not a perfect being as him. Can he turn her spiritually virgin once again? Yes, he can. Physically? No, he can't.
    And I don't know how someone can expect me to accept to date a non-virgin woman when I search for advice on a Christian site and I find this:
    I don't want to or deserve to deal with those "ghosts" and I'm still trying to come up with kind words for my friend.
  14. Then you don't have faith.

    Mark 11:22-24 (KJV)
    And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God. For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them]. ​

    Do you still doubt? Doubt in Greek means to waiver between two beliefs - God's promises vs. man's understanding.
  15. Deserve? Really? Are you perfect? If you ever lied, you're a liar, does your future wife deserve a liar? I'm not saying to marry her, I'm saying don't let YOUR understanding be a limitation to God's will. The word of God is power. Time to use it.
    Phoenix111 likes this.
  16. Alma, have you ever looked at a woman with lust? In your heart you've already committed adultery same with me, and I'd bet to say every other man.

    What I'm getting at is that God doesn't look at His children and define them by their sin. David is known as the man after God's own heart, yet he was a adulteress murderer. Moses a coward, Noah a drunkard, and Rahab the prostitute. All called righteous by God because of their faith.

    You said it yourself, you feel like you don't deserve a non virgin. Well to be quite frank, none of us deserve anything short of Hell. We all have insecurities, baggage and lusts regardless of if we are virgins or not. Even the woman of your dreams, that virgin you haven't found, will have things that are so messed up you wouldn't have imagined. And same goes for you. That's the beauty of marriage, two messed up people who are choosing to pursue God together.
  17. #17 Alma1995, Apr 21, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2016
    I do have faith. But there are some things that he can't do because of free will. A woman has lost her physical virginity because of free will. She chose to do it and she lost it. Can she become virgin spiritually again? Yes. Physically? No.
    Yes, deserve. How come expecting a value from a partner makes me perfect? I'm not asking for something I am not giving. I may have told white lies, does my future wife deserve a liar? No, she doesn't even if she has lied in the past. Does my future wife deserve to haver her past over her head? She doesn't either.
    I doubt whether having a wife is in God's plan for me.
    Have I ever hated someone? Yes I have then it could be say I commited murder in my heart. Lusting and fornicating are two different sins. And I'm not labelling my female friend here. And I've been told all sins have consequences and the consequences of fornication it's not something my heart is willing to face.
    But she will have things that I can deal with. This is issue is more related to me than to her. She is a new creation (but she hasn't fully turned to Christ yet) and even if she had, my heart wouldn't be able to take it anyway.[/QUOTE]
  18. If she repents, He can, physically. Nothing is impossible for God, why limit Him then?
  19. The is written in a teenage counselling Christian webpage.
    Once you lose your physical virginity, you have lost it forever. A woman's hymen it's not her virginity. There will always be men that have made themselves one with her and that can't be changed even if she turns to Christ.
  20. You're quoting men, I quote God. You're young and it's understandable you live your christian life using only 5 senses, but God is far above all. Do you believe the word of God over what you experience?

    Ephesians 3:20 (KJV)
    Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, ​

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