A little dilemma

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by scarlet_snow, Nov 8, 2017.

  1. Hey everyone! First off, thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate it. Secondly, please take all that I will say in love and please respond only with the wisdom of what you think the Holy Spirit is saying to you. Okay, now that that's settled, on I go. I have a bit of a dilemma going on internally with my mom. I love my mom, and I believe she is the second person I'm closest to (after my hubby). I would say as I've gotten older, our relationship has formed more into a respectable friendship and I appreciate it. However, I never want to cross the line of honoring her as my mom. We've been in a place, before, where I was a bit too buddy-buddy with her and I felt that it distanced us from each other because we didn't have that line of mother and daughter. Also, I felt God told me that I was trying too hard to save her when that is His job to do. So, now we are in a better place because of the guidance of the Holy Spirit in my life. However, there has been something that has bothered me as of recently, and I'm not quite sure what to do or how to handle the situation. I firmly believe in having a group of people to keep accountable to within my church community, but I'm not sure who to talk to about this situation and if I should even talk to anyone because my mom also goes to my church. I want to respect and honor my mom by not spilling out her news all over the church. Even on here, I'm by no means trying to paint a poor portrait of her as well. But this is the issue I have: my divorced mom is seeing a married man. As I write it down, it even looks bad, but let me explain a bit further. As I mentioned before, my mom is divorced and has been for 11 years now. I'm all for my mom remarrying, if that is what God wants for her and if she marries a godly man who loves Jesus and her. I want her to be treated like a queen and be taken care of (since she is 50 years old). So I'm not against her seeing Christian men and lead to courting (with good margin as well). But my mom is seeing a Catholic man who is an undocumented immigrant and is still married to his wife in Mexico. He is not a practicing Catholic, but does consider himself a Catholic and he is only here in America to save money to take back to his country and family. From what my mom tells me, he does not consider himself married to his wife, but is still with her because they have underage children. He also says that he's spoken to his priest about the issue and, apparently, the priest said "if they're (him and his wife) arguing like cats and dogs, then they should just consider themselves divorced". I've honestly never heard a response like that from any sort of religious figure/leader in my life (and my mom and I used to consider ourselves to be Catholic). Now we are non denominational Christians and my mom has come to me for advice on the matter since she is seeing a Catholic man (who is technically married). I asked her if in Mexico the man and his wife were married legally by the court and she said yes, but they said that in their culture the church triumphs the court system. By the way, we're Guatemalan, so some of the culture aspects are different than in Mexico. My mom also has an older lady that she considers somewhat of a mentor and she is someone I trust as well since she hears from God and loves people too. I guess I'm just protective of my mom and I don't want to see her get hurt, but I'm also a guarded person who is leery to trust others too. I'm just not sure if I should allow myself to open up my life to this man that my mom likes. I've done it before and it honestly left me scarred. But, I also know that Jesus loved people even when people didn't love him and I desire to be more like Him everyday. I guess, I'm just asking any moms out there: what would you do if I was your daughter? Would you want me to be apart of their life, including their relationship, or is keeping a distance for now a good thing? As always, I've been seeking God for clarity and wisdom in this situation, but I would also appreciate prayers too. Like I said before, this is my first time on a forum, so please be kind. :)
     
  2. Hi Sister scarlet_snow
    This will be short for now. I understand your situation very well and your love for God and your mom cries out for His Light in the situation. This causes a painful hurt deep inside of you.

    Find scriptures that will cover this situation. Pray and expect God to leed you to them. Then immerse yourself in them.
    Take them to prayer and Stand on them with Total Trust in God.

    You could start with asking the Holy Spirit to hold you accountable and then learn to listen to Him and second should be your hubby.

    We will be praying
    Blessings
    FCJ
     
    bobinfaith and Cturtle say Amen and like this.
  3. Praying for you sister.

    Your definitely in a rough spot and as I was once in your mom's place... my daughter's love for me was hugely important. And having her apart of my life was hugely important to me. She tried in her own way to help when things were tough. And that spoke mountains.

    However for me it also helped me to wake up to the fact that i was in a bad relationship, because she was not supporting it. She was not rude about how she felt, in fact I really didn't realize how she felt, till many years later. But she kept her distance, and that eventually got me to a point that caused me to seek God's guidance.

    I'm sure your mom's new relationship is a lot different, but if you get bad vibes... for a lack of a better word... from this gentleman... be honest to tell her in love and then keep thanking The Father for showing her the truth, while you keep loving her. But if your in disagreement with the relationship... don't support it.

    Keep praying a Hedge of protection around her and ps 91 over her, because there are so many scamming deceptive people out there (not saying he is) and the Word is the best thing to keep her safe.

    The Father loves her more than you or anyone else on this earth will. And He knows how to reach her if she is open to listening.

    So many times I had little nudges from the Holy Spirit, that was the only thing that saved me from complete disaster. It took a little while, and I went through some yucky spots... but without those yucky spots... I would not have woke up to the truth. And if someone had rescued me from the yucky stuff... it would have taken me longer to get out.

    Hope this helps and answers your question. And as FCJ said... prayer and trust in The Fathers ability to reach her with the truth, and your interceeding for her, and standing on Scriptures... is always the best.

    Blessings and prayers to you
     
    bobinfaith, From Pieces To Peace, HeIsOnFirst and 2 others say Amen and like this.
  4. Scarlet_Snow,

    I know this must have been difficult to share. I pray for you and your mother, for the Spirit's guidance for you both. I pray for strength for you, I know when dealing with a parent we almost always feel like we are still small children and unworthy to voice our concerns and opinions. As has already been mentioned I think you should seek out words in the Bible to help you better understand this and how best to approach it.

    I would encourage you to spend time on your own in prayer for your mother, for this man as well as his wife and children, and guidance on how best to address this with your mother. Afterwards, I would encourage you to let your mom know you are concerned for her and ask to spend time in prayer with her over this relationship.

    I don't know your mother so I can't speak to how best to address with her but I will share with you some with how I have dealt with similar things with my daughters, especially now that they are grown up and out of the house. Whenever I have been concerned with a relationship they are in I have been open with my concerns. I try very hard to insure to them that I am their dad and I love them, my concern comes from that love and no other agenda. When they are open to it, I have prayed with them over the relationship.

    I have made it very clear to my girls that I can't stop them from making mistakes, all I can do is share my insights, experience and concerns; what they choose to do with that is up to them. I am very careful not to let this turn into fighting because I know: I cannot stop them, fighting will end up removing me from the relationship, I am not them I could be wrong. This has been very difficult when this is concerning someone they are dating as they usually don't want to listen to what I have to say until things have gone wrong.

    Finally, if you do voice your concerns to her I would implore you not to bring that up if the relationship goes bad. Just be there for her in her time of need/grief.

    In Christ,

    Heisonfirst
     
    bobinfaith likes this.

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