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A Christian Father Or Man?

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by liz., Feb 5, 2014.

  1. Hello all, I hope everyone is having a great day. Basically I have read a lot of Bible verses that talk about how man or woman of Christ should behave and treat each-other as well as their "enemies". I really think that the characteristics he wants us to possess (I think demands us too) are wonderful and great. I am so happy to have such a good God that doesn't want us to be harsh to others. With that being said, I'm wondering if anyone can answer these few questions.

    1. Is is possible to be a man of Christ if your still a "baby-christian"?

    My elaboration, I feel like my dad is a "baby-christian" because he say's he is a christian ( and that he has been all his life) but I see him act with little to no qualities that I believe any christian should have. He wishes bad for many people (them going to hell and other things), he drinks a lot, he curses 24/7, I never see him read his Bible, He is always frustrated, He wont go to church, I never hear or see him be joyful about God, He doesn't want to forgive others ever and holds their past mistakes against them no matter how big or small.

    2. Is this how a christian man or father acts?

    The day before yesterday he screamed at me over his problems he has with his mom (he stopped talking to her 7 months ago because she doesn't "respect" him), then punched a hole in the wall. It really upset me for a number of reasons. He hasn't apologized to me (he is a person that just can not say sorry) but just explained that he's starting to "change" because he's too frustrated and needs to be doing better with himself. I just said to him that was great to hear and I hope that he is capable of doing so. Honestly I could care less if he apologizes, I forgive him.

    3. Even though, like I said I could care less if he doesn't apologize, should a christian man or father still do so?

    Please don't judge me for talking this way about him. I'm not constantly thinking how bad he is or something (I make mistakes everyday!). I'm just trying to understand WHAT a christian man or father acts like, I have never really been close with one. Is he the way a christian man or father acts? Thank you to anyone who responds with the best answer they can! Bye.
  2. When did he accept Christ into his life? Was he the same before also or was it worse before? Because once a person is saved, sanctification process starts.. It is the work of Holy Spirit.. So it does not matter how bad the person is.. Holy Spirit will bring about the change.. In some lives it is very slow and in some very drastic.. But the fruits of the spirit should be evident.. But it is really between the person and God.. We are no one to say he is going to hell or heaven.. We never know that.. Based on everything you have said, I am not sure if he has felt the need for genuine repentance.. Who am I to judge anyone though! :)
  3. Only God knows what's in his heart, but his actions don't honestly reflect a Christian. Having said that, he is obviously struggling and maybe the Holy Spirit has convicted him, but he's having difficulty in surrendering to Jesus Christ. Keep praying for him and you, thru God all things are possible! I'll say a prayer for you both.
  4. I do not know one thing about his relationship with God. He tells me that he has always believed in him before I was even born. My parents divorced when I was a baby. My mom raised me and was the one who taught me about God. My dad was never around much so I'm not too close with him to begin with nor do I know him so well. I do know that my big sissy (30's) doesn't speak to him EVER, she say's there's nothing to honor about him. I think he doesn't understand the difference between "BELIEVING" and "OBEDIENCE". I have many problems too and I just wish sometimes he would more selfless and christian like rather then just wearing the title's. Thank you for your reply by the way!
  5. Hi Liz ! There are a lot of people who claim to be Christian and I guess we can choose to believe that they are or not. Like another poster said, God knows their heart and I know there are many believers that struggle with emotions and forgiveness. It doesn't mean he's not saved. You could bring up a verse and ask him about it-- like "hey dad I'm reading Ephesians and was wondering if you thought this about this....." Or something along those lines. Open up a dialogue about God. Have you actually heard him say he believes in Jesus Christ and his atonement for our sin?

    Also, if your father is an alcoholic then his drinking could be keeping him from being in the fullness of a relationship with God. Addiction is an illness with a spiritual solution-- there are many distortion and defects am addicted person can have to their thinking.
  6. Thank you AllieWi for replying. I have actually tried multiple times to share with him some good bible verses,talk with him about God (just in general),put sermons on you-tube for us to watch together (he always falls asleep every-time). I pretty much just got fed up with his behavior toward it and towards me. He thinks because he's older he's wiser and either insults me,over-talks me, or wont listen. I just get physically ill sometimes when he proclaims he's christian then turns around and swears or uses God's name in vain. I stopped talking to him really all together and pretty much avoid spending any time with him. If and when he does approach me it's typically about his problems I take any chance I get to tell him that all of his answers are in the bible and try to plant a few verses on him of course kindly I don't shove it in his face but it's only after a few he starts to get defensive and pretty much has little faith that God's way works better than his. I did however put bible verses all around the house several weeks ago for everyone to read, their right in front of your face you can't miss them and I hope that one day he will take the time to really think about what they say.
  7. Well here is the thing; if we were doing things God's way in a 'generational' way: "baby Christians" would be born into "Christian parented homes" and learn to become a 'man or woman of God' BEFORE they get married. The problem is the Church is failing to do it's job because individual members are failing to obey the LORD.

    This is the same problem the 'Jews' had; that is why Christ came to do a course correction on human kind; if you will.

    So now we have a whole bunch of 'gentiles' learning about God; but not having a solid example. There is still a remnant-but we need a serious revival in the Church as a whole-it is very fragmented. That starts with obedience to God and repentance. We MUST get our hearts right with the LORD and let Him shine through us as the salt and light of the earth. else all is vanity....

    As a person who was saved at 30 years old and didn't start taking my faith serious for some years later; I would like to say that I have things all figured out...but I don't. Live for God by starting with obedience which absolutely requires repentance in probably every area of your life. Then you will start to see the joy in your life start to blossom as you begin to serve Him...

    God be merciful to us sinners....

    Anyway; that being said. No- your father needs to grow; he is not acting "like a Christian"-and become the spiritual leader of the household if he claims to be a "Christian". Has he ever given you his salvation testimony?
  8. No, like I replied to Ravindran I know NOTHING about his relationship with God.
  9. I would say all you can do is give him the Gospel:

    Tell him 'Jesus loves you, dad' at least once a day....
    liz. likes this.
  10. Thanks.
  11. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
    (1Pe 3:1-2)

    This works for everyone that is unsaved in your house. Daughters be subject to your father, not a judge of his standing with God. It's disrespect if your under the mans roof. If not then you wait if the Holy Spirit would use you to help, but you also were told to pray the Lord send laborers into the Harvest and have your dad cross paths with someone the Lord sent. You were told to do that also.
  12. Liz,

    Alcohol is a terrible controlling agent. that is why Ephesians 5:18 warns us to not be controlled by it, but to rather be controlled by the Holy Spirit. This is a control issue. He can't give in to the Holy Spirit if he is controlled by wine. Not that God cannot perform miracles, but your father needs help. He may resist, but can you find him help from a Christian rehabilitation or restoration center there? He needs someone who can give him the strength to resist the drink, while helping him to "drink in" the Spirit of God.
  13. While it's not the right way, the fact that he curses God suggests he probably believes God is for real so maybe you can consider that at least a small plus.

    As for alcohol, it can be a problem itself but drinking excessively can be a symptom of other problems. It could be worth trying to establish whether there are reasons which prompt the drinking that could be addressed rather than (I'm not saying you are, I'm just struggling to phrase things) seeing it as the root of problem. I may seem I fine one to talk on this as I've not cleared my own problems but I've had some alcohol counselling and know they look at triggers (the things that set you off in the first place), may cover topics like anxiety and anger management, coping strategies, perhaps suggest other forms of counselling, etc.

    I may be wide of the mark here but it does strike me that there is a lot anger and bitterness around. Maybe you could try to get him in a good mood and just talk to him about maybe something he likes or maybe you've enjoyed doing with him sometime in the past. I'll probably get slammed down for this but it may not be the right time yet to get "religious" on him. I've been there - angry with the world and fuming with God - it can be a state where say "Jesus Loves You" might in no uncertain terms produce a tirade of all reasons why HE hates you.

    That said, if it was me, I'd like to try to change his mind over forgiveness fairly soon. I've only held a couple of longer term grudges against others in my life but that's been enough for me to know how self destructive they can be.
    Les likes this.
  14. Could be that your dad is influenced or tempted by demons. I try to be very Christian, but the thing is that I am not obsessed about God, Jesus Christ, or the Holy Spirit, but I think about them a lot, and I don't know why do I feel just neutral about them. I could be influenced or tempted as well. I feel guilty that I feel neutral about the Holy Trinity, but I do get a good feeling about the Holy Trinity. I also say curse words a lot. And I know a man from Finland in real life who uses witchcraft against me because he wants me to become his girlfriend, so I hate that man who uses witchcraft against me, and I have no empathy for him, and I have desires of him getting punished... I also have desires of animal torturers getting punished. I can get this cold sometimes, but just for bad people who don't care about people's or animals' feelings...
  15. Well I for one certainly do believe that demons can make life difficult and that (as I put it) "matters spiritual" can really affect "matters physical and mental" and that may be that you could hammer down (say) a mental health line that will never be resolved without addressing the spiritual.

    It is an area I have reservations about though and to date, personally with my own problems, have yet to have a positive experience in. As such, personally, I'd recommend looking at "natural causes and solutions" before looking at the possibilities of demonic influence, etc. Purely from a personal perspective, I found the most worrying area concerns generational sin and that you can't get free because of an unforgiven sin of a relation. I stupidly let that trigger all sorts of nasty accusations.

    Perhaps if one can find a really good priest for example, it may be worth pursuing if other methods fail but my view is that, sadly, there are a number of quacks and charlatans around and that even the genuine can be out of their depth in this area.

    Please don't store up hatred against people. IMO, it's an evil emotion that will end up chewing you up. It can be difficult, I know and believe me, there have been times when I've wished the horses and hounds could be set on a fox hunter... My own attempted resolution (which I'm not as good as I'd like to be at but I try) is to tell myself that I'm wrong to wish what is effectively my own form of personal revenge and that I should leave the matter to God.
  16. Hello Liz, this is one of my first posts here on this forum so apologies if I don't post this correctly. It's so encouraging the way you speak as a Christian individual toward your Father and I can assure you God is (and always is) pleased. Liz, the only agent in existence that can change a man is the Holy Spirit, all to often we can take on too much of the burden about our loved ones and loose sight of the fact that God is at work. If I were you, I'd fall back into prayer and God's arms, regroup and rearm with a good perspective. God is at work in your Father's life, there seems to be no doubt about that, just be sensitive to God's leading and you'll do fine. Remember to follow his Word, honor your parent and show him as much grace and love as the Holy Spirit provides you. i hope this helps, God bless....

    Pastor Steven Birnie
  17. Yeah. I try not to hate the male witch who abuses me with witchcraft, but it's just automatic, but I will pray about him then. Also, I meant that I have desires of people who hurt animals and other people getting punished, not the animals or people getting punished, but the people who hurt them. People who TORTURE animals and other people.
  18. Hello Liz,

    I am thankful that you have love in your heart to want to work with your dad. What you must remember is that a believer is to walk in the Spirit letting God change the person. We don't change them, God does. The most effective thing that you can do now is to go to God in prayer asking for guidance and submitting to that guidance. God may ask you to do something you never would of thought of or something totally out of the ordinary. Have you put him as a prayer request here? God hears the prayers of believers and may make a situation come up in his life that causes him to open. He may send someone else to your dad that your dad would be more willing to listen to. There are countless ways in which God works. Give the situation to God, obeying him, and see what he will do.

  19. -----------------------------------------------------------------

    Liz, I do not ever want to say who God has or has not saved.
    (I am NOT the final judge.)
    We are told to have faith for all whom we love, and that our family will be saved.

    Be encouraged - you are not the only one who has problems with their father or other Christian men.

    The greatest commandment is to Love
    Yes when people offend us, it hurts, but it is because there is still more of 'us' in ourselves.
    Love holds no account of wrongs - and sometimes forgiveness is a hard lesson to learn, esp when we are justified with reasons why we should 'not' forgive. But you cannot have Love without forgiveness.

    Both Forgiveness and Love is a process.
    All of our struggles are for us to realize how we fall short and how 'we' need God to help 'us'.
    That will be the testimony that will burn an impression on the minds of others, to which they will see God's Love (even if they dont know what it is that they see).

    Also remember - Relationships are two ways - you and someone (just as it is God and someone)
    I had been justifiably offended by someone when I was 12 - and it took me 20yr to 100% forgive them.
    When I told them I forgave them, it was to help them know if I could, then God could too (I didn't want them see me as a reflection of offense held against them by God). They also apologized, and since then we are now closer than my father and one of my brothers are.

    Sadly I have reached out to my one brother, and my father to have a deeper relationship - yet there is nothing I can do if they do not do their part. Yes it hurts, and I can feel for your pain.

    This story is not to be about me - but for you.
    Please realize you are responsible for you.
    Even if we see those whom we love acting in ways that we cannot defend or speak good of.
    Our place is to love them, and even at times apologize to those who pick up offense (if we can).

    Pray and ask God for a deeper love for your father - God's Love for Him.
    Pray that your father learns to love God more (God always answers prayers according to His Will).
    Then Trust God, the Creator of the whole Universe to handle this in His Timing, to bring Glory to His Name.
    You can even tell God your sorry for how your father's actions grieve your heart, especially when using God's identity as a Christian (Christ-like).

    God Never Makes Mistakes!!
    God Bless You Liz!
  20. Well let me share a bit about myself when I was younger I smoked weed, I used to smoke a good amount and it started in middle school. I always had the best of grades, I was never in trouble with the law and all my teachers loved me. The only problem was my parents beat me almost every single day of my life, I was told horrible things about myself that I believed. What I was doing with the weed was drowning out my thoughts and feelings so I could function through out the day. At the age of 14 every sunday I would get beat because I wouldn't go to church, the reason why I stopped going to church was because it was church members that damaged me. At 8 years old an entire room of people laying hands on you, speaking in tongues, casting out a rebelous spirit from a child that get's beat every single day(I'm talking about not liking a movie, didn't enjoy a book, missed a tackle in a football game)told he was nothing every single day, ignored to the point where no one would talk to me for months sometimes.....By the age of 14 I would fight anyone, I would lash out at whoever I had a chip on my shoulder that I prayed for someone to knock it off.

    At 17 I met my wife, she was a sweet and opinionated woman I met in freshmen orenitation. We started having a bible study, the interesting part is no matter what I still read my bible my anger just didn't allow me to see my flaws. Eventually my wife brought me to church and I was uncomfortable at first but I went because she was hot and I liked her. To this day I go to church every sunday, I don't smoke weed any longer and haven't for years and years but church isn't the fun place it is to her.

    I said that because it seems like maybe your father is working through some very deep things that he deals with by covering them up. Maybe it involves the church and people that go to the church. Do you know where his problems originated. Most people that use drugs do so to deal with issues that they can't handle or don't know how to. Typically childhood trauma.

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