I graduated Bible college back in May. God kept calling me to remain in the area with no more details than that. Just, "Stay here and wait and I will give you the next steps when the time is right."
Okay, great. So, what do you think I did? I waited patiently.....
Kidding.
I freaked out. I was stressed. Because let me explain my situation: I had no apartment and thankfully, my college opened up its doors for me to live in the dorms for the summer and to work on campus in the offices. But what was going to happen AFTER the summer and what if God keeps calling me to remain in the area AFTER the summer? (Which He did, btw!)
And summer was ending. And after many applications (I put in 60 applications in...didn't hear back from a lot. Which I don't know why, because I have a great resume and I never had a problem of getting a job. Ever.) But, no one offered me a job. And summer was ending.
So I was depserate and I went to the president of the school for some insight, to see if there's anything that I can do on campus. There wasn't. But...he did offer me to stay in the dorms this semester. So, great! Not ideal but at least I am following God's voice and staying in the area to the best of my ability.
So my reaction is this: Anger and bitterness. Towards God. Because nothing was happening the way I had hoped. God wasn't communicating with me what the next step was, even after the summer. And then it turned into towards people. I used to the most liked person on campus and after I allowed the bitterness and the anger to get the best of me, I became the most unlikable person on campus. Not that people hated me, but people didn't want to be with me anymore. I lost 90% of friendships.
This is what the poison of bitterness does. You think it's everyone else, but it's not. It's you. I learned that this summer. We choose to be bitter. We choose to be angry. Instead of choosing to love and to forgive and to let things go, I chose to be bitter and angry and it destroyed my life.
So when I realized that, I repented and asked God to forgive me for having this poison in my life because I didn't want to be THAT person. Everyone knows a bitter person. As much as you try to hide it, it's still evident in your life. I didn't want to live a life like that.
Within three days after I repented, let me tell you what happened:
- I have a ministry position (full-time!)
- I received an apartment THROUGH the job
- I bought a cheap laptop ($400 MacBook) to replace the laptop that was stolen from me
- I am becoming a fitness life coach through Beachbody
- And I realized who my true friends are
Talk about blessing.
And after all this, I heard God say, "Now, why didn't you trust Me enough to just relax and wait? That's all that you needed to do. Instead, you stressed out and complained as to why I wasn't answering. I WAS answering, I told you what you to do. Don't you know that your Father will ALWAYS take care of you?"
I learned a lesson.
- Don't be bitter. Don't be angry. Your life is just too good to waste your time on that. Bitterness and anger DOES make your life miserable.
<3
Okay, great. So, what do you think I did? I waited patiently.....
Kidding.
I freaked out. I was stressed. Because let me explain my situation: I had no apartment and thankfully, my college opened up its doors for me to live in the dorms for the summer and to work on campus in the offices. But what was going to happen AFTER the summer and what if God keeps calling me to remain in the area AFTER the summer? (Which He did, btw!)
And summer was ending. And after many applications (I put in 60 applications in...didn't hear back from a lot. Which I don't know why, because I have a great resume and I never had a problem of getting a job. Ever.) But, no one offered me a job. And summer was ending.
So I was depserate and I went to the president of the school for some insight, to see if there's anything that I can do on campus. There wasn't. But...he did offer me to stay in the dorms this semester. So, great! Not ideal but at least I am following God's voice and staying in the area to the best of my ability.
So my reaction is this: Anger and bitterness. Towards God. Because nothing was happening the way I had hoped. God wasn't communicating with me what the next step was, even after the summer. And then it turned into towards people. I used to the most liked person on campus and after I allowed the bitterness and the anger to get the best of me, I became the most unlikable person on campus. Not that people hated me, but people didn't want to be with me anymore. I lost 90% of friendships.
This is what the poison of bitterness does. You think it's everyone else, but it's not. It's you. I learned that this summer. We choose to be bitter. We choose to be angry. Instead of choosing to love and to forgive and to let things go, I chose to be bitter and angry and it destroyed my life.
So when I realized that, I repented and asked God to forgive me for having this poison in my life because I didn't want to be THAT person. Everyone knows a bitter person. As much as you try to hide it, it's still evident in your life. I didn't want to live a life like that.
Within three days after I repented, let me tell you what happened:
- I have a ministry position (full-time!)
- I received an apartment THROUGH the job
- I bought a cheap laptop ($400 MacBook) to replace the laptop that was stolen from me
- I am becoming a fitness life coach through Beachbody
- And I realized who my true friends are
Talk about blessing.
And after all this, I heard God say, "Now, why didn't you trust Me enough to just relax and wait? That's all that you needed to do. Instead, you stressed out and complained as to why I wasn't answering. I WAS answering, I told you what you to do. Don't you know that your Father will ALWAYS take care of you?"
I learned a lesson.
- Don't be bitter. Don't be angry. Your life is just too good to waste your time on that. Bitterness and anger DOES make your life miserable.
<3