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- Jun 19, 2013 at 11:07 PM
- Jun 18, 2013
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- South coast, UK
- Lab Technician
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New Member, Female, from South coast, UK
- Megan was last seen:
- Jun 19, 2013
- South coast, UK
- Lab Technician
I was born into a Christian family but my father was not religious, it was my Mother and Nan who really taught me the lessons of the Lord. I attended church every Sunday for most of my childhood and once a bit older, only on major holidays. I prayed every night but during my mid-teens, I experienced the worst year of my life. After a string of deaths in my Father's family, I started to doubt my faith. I was later diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and discovered that this played a large part of my fears. I thought I had lost the right to be a Christian and God, Jesus became characters in a children's fiction novel in my head.
- I recently rediscovered my faith, after five years of not understanding what was truely in my heart.
I finally got better when I moved away from my hometown, to University halls. My degree was in Geology and by the end of the first semester, it was like I never knew God existed. I started to drink more, study less. I did a lot of things I am embarrassed about now and wish I could take back. I was not sensible, and I am lucky to have made it through those nights without getting hurt. Once my degree was over, I moved into a flat with one of my friends who hardly spent much time there. The sinful thoughts started to return and I got scared again, I avoided being on my own at times or I would physically lock myself in my flat. I was not healthy but I carried on with my life, putting on weight and feeling generally negative towards myself. Later, the following year I moved to a new, busier house, much like those I lived in during my student days. After a month of living there my Schizophrenic cousin, Michael, who I did not know particularly well, killed himself. This hit me hard and only a couple months after that did one of my housemates try to kill herself. I now know she was Bipolar but I was unaware at the time. After researching mental disorders on the internet, I came across a page with the description of different types of OCD. I was not aware that there were more than obsessive cleaning and hoarding! When I first saw the description of 'Sinful thought' OCD, I remember taking one massive breathe and relaxing, knowing that I was not alone. I had finally found an answer, I was normal and not some kind of evil human being. After seeing a doctor and being diagnosed, I was the happiest I have ever been.
I decided to move back home and started attending the gym and eating healthier. I spent more time with my family but I did feel like something was missing. I suspected it was the religious aspect of my life and helped my Nan with my old church's fate. Walking into that church for the first time in years, was bizarre to say the least. All those hours spent there so many years ago came flashing back to the forefront of my mind. The smell, the glass windows, the candles, even some of the people. It felt like home, I knew I belonged there. I thought it was going to be hard to find my faith again and that I may not be able to fit into that 'lifestyle' again. However last weekend, I attended a popular television show convention and I expected that it would be fun meeting the cast but I never realised how inspired I would be from one of the speakers, Nathaniel Buzolic. He speaks with such openness and positivity about God and Jesus and he taught me that Christianity is not about 'fitting in', it is about love. I realised, I never lost my faith, it was there all along. I did not need to change to have it, it was part of me.
I have now found God and Jesus again but I feel that I have so much to catch up on, and that is exciting for me. I have finally accepted I cannot take back the mistakes I made but I can make sure that my future is full of positivity, selflessness and most of all, LOVE. I have found my faith again and I would like to say a big thank you to those who helped me along my journey to rediscovering my faith. I hope to find friends on here who can relate to my story, as I only have one Christian friend my age and it is hard to tell people my story. Particularly when you work in a scientific research facility...