e2007

i hope the following reads right i don't think my last thread read right, i am trying it as i best i can don't rember everything.


ok, i think i am starting realise that i can't do much about the thing between my best mate who has broken it off with his girlfriend.
my best mate having trouble with commitment

The new News is..

My best mate says he is not ready for a relationship - but says he is waiting and waiting for his ex to grow. However he is still there with the car and licence he says it is beneficial so they if for example they go to work and they have different hrs., one has a in one place, and the other across town so they can get themselves home or if one is working to take the kids somewhere- yes this is beneficial but not essential - he says he is waiting for this he is waiting for her to grow - this has been going on for 2 years now

He says what he is doing is tough love last time i herd

but a couple of weeks ago he said he wasn't waiting, what the heck is going on?

should he be helping her grow and helping her with her problems?- if they were going out that is, what is next?

also the other day he the girl said to me that she asked him what will happen when i get a car and licence? he did not have an answer

i know of couples who only have one car, and one's wife who doesn't have a licence -they manage ok

also the other day he the girl said to me that she asked him what will happen when i get a car and licence? he did not have an answer



they went Christmas shopping with eachother day and had lunch in the mall's food court, i don't know if that is wrong, what classifies as a date?

The Girl has been in a few bad (not abusive) relationships in the past i don't want her in another one

is this still placing conditions on her?

she says that he loves him, does he love her back? he says he does - but she maybe he is saying he loves her as a sister in Christ. but no more, she may be miss reading this- i don't know

some sayed that this is control from previous threads, what is control?

should a car and licence really matter?

BreathOfGod

I was the one who said it is about control. He is placing all of these conditions on her, with the hope of a future, and that is control. What if she does get a license, car, and holds a job? He has no answer? The answer is that it will be something else next. He sounds like he needs to have all the control in a relationship. Do this, do that, don't do this. Isn't she old enough to decide these things for herself? Why is he trying to control her and tell her what to do?

A relationship is a two way street. What is this girl getting out of the relationship? It is clear what your male friend is getting out of it and what he wants to get out of it-- a second car, a second income, etc. What does she get? The privilege to be in his presence?

Anyhow, none of my questions are meant to be answered. You can open a million threads on this topic, and worry yourself sick about it, but the reality is that there is nothing you can do to change it. It's gone on for 2 years and will continue to go on until one of them decides to change it themselves. They are happy in their unhappiness for now. We all have different tolerance levels and breaking points. You have to just let this go for your own well being. Tell yourself that it is none of your concern. If one of them comes to you and wants to complain about the other, just smile and tell them that it is not your problem and you would rather not hear about it.

Boanerges

Pray for them both e2007 and know that with time these things have a way of working out for the best.