e2007

My best mate is still stringing his ex-girlfriend along, he rings her up and flirts with her and says he just wants to be friends

For those who read and/or replied to my last post my best mate having trouble with commitment he says he might back out with her when she can hold down a job and has car and licence, she has a 20hr week job at the local supermarket, im not sure what the story with the job is now- but the car and licence thing is issue is still raised

He has said he has let her go to let her grow, he says that he wants a women who can work and hold down work and drive around

He says it is too formal to go out for a cup of coffe or give her a lift somewere - but however he will go to the local pool with her

He will then get allover her which he knows is wrong, i don't know for sure but is he going to the pool with her just to get a look at her in a swim costume


Fair dinkum - i have just about had enough of this- you should go for someone for the charter and personallity, not for if they job or a car or looks

Sure a another car and another job can help, but not the basis of a realshonship

She doesn't seem strong enough to put her foot down and tell him to stop all of this

i think it will be best for her that he tells him to not to contact him and not to visit her.

how can i deal with him? and encourage her to be strong enough?

Whirlwind

Forgive me if I sound so blunt...

...but why are you in the picture at all? This seems like it's something between the two of them.

Boanerges

True, unless you are asked by one of them keep out. And I might add even if you are asked it may lead to trouble. I have seen it before. Two people in a relationship have a fight , others get involved, the original two make up and the " helpers" get made out to be bad guys.

Whirlwind

lol - that always happened in my family.

My sister and her husband would fight, we'd be angry with the husband for "picking on my poor little sister" and then they'd make up. My sister would be angry at us for taking up for her!

Yeeeesh, some days you just can't win.

spiritlead

you should pray for the truth to be revealed. is your friend a christian. do you know the girl. you cant do anything but ask your friend to take a look at what and why he is dioing this and tell him it isn't fair to hisself

Boanerges

Been there, done that, didn't like it.

violet

Boanerges

First one should wiegh thier motivations.

e2007

Yes, spirit lead they are both Christian- and they are my best friends

and a reminder that they are broken up just in case people didn't read it properly ( sorry if i seem rude)

The girl has come to me and others in the church for advice, and we all say the same thing -- to let him go on his way and tell him to keep away

i and others don't like her constantly been hurt and she allowing herself to do so. she needs someone who will treat her right- she needs to put some bondries up.

i have tryed to tell him the truth, but he doesn't listen, so i have given up and given him to God,she also constaltly trys to fix him but he just too stubborn. I wish also that she will hand him over to God

He constantly pushed her and was doing things under pressure- and he has been in the " i will not marry you till you have a car and job" thing in there entire 18mth relationship in which they were going out.

my best mate says he has made out to be a baddy, but i think that that is his issue- i and others are simply trying to tell him what true love is and how to treat women

He has been in contact with another girl who he hasn't seen in ages. he went over to the coast near where she lives for a holiday who is a non christian, but far as a know they are just freinds and thats ok seen he and his ex are broken up i gueess, but as long as they are no more then that, for it says in the Bible not to be yolked with a non beliver, and i don't know how much they are hanging out

BreathOfGod

No matter how much you or anyone else tell the girl to let him go , she will not listen until she realizes it for herself and decides for herself. "Love" is often blind and stupid. (No, I am not calling her stupid.) Consider how some women stay in an abusive relationship even when others are telling them to get out and that they deserve better. Many stay because they think they are in love and they hold on to every "sorry, I'll change" that he offers. They believe the line " you made me do it." They are unable to see that they are not the problem-- he is.

I know that your friend is not physically abusive. I was just using it as an example of women who stay in a bad situation. Your male friend clearly doesn't know what true love is, or else he wouldn't be trying to change her their entire relationship and even after they are broken up. That is not love. It is control.

Unfortunately, there is not really anything you can say or do. The people who replied in this thread are right about that. Your female friend will have to wake up on her own. Something that might be good for both she and your male friend is if they had some relationship counseling through a pastor at your church. I realize that the two of them are broken up at the moment, but since you mentioned that they have spoken of marriage, then it wouldn't be unreasonable for them to seek guidance. It also might help them both understand better what a relationship is about.