Marriage crisis!Please help!! - Page 2

Charlie68 · 10-09-2007, 06:37 PM

Reading your posts give me chills as much of what you describe is the same for us, our problems have advanced much further than yours though. My wife told me early on of her feelings for this man, and she did fight them for months until she felt she couldn't anymore. That is when she forced the separation. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying I have no fault as I have for years ignored her concerns and problems with our relationship.
Anyway, what I am saying is that there is a reason you have those feelings of guilt. It sounds like you are keeping a pretty level head, but be wary and don't start ignoring your conscience. God put it there much like a fire alarm to warn you of fire/danger.
My wife, too, was one I nor she would have never thought would do this. The past several years she has talked to 2 or 3 friends who did this same thing. She was able to talk one out of going through with divorce but not the other 2.
I will keep you and your family in prayer. Be strong and ask the Almighty Father to cast Satan from the midst of your family. If feelings of weakness creep up on you, find a good Christian friend to talk to, or log on to this site. The good people here have done me much good.

God Bless you, from your brother in Christ,
Charlie

JohnathanAmber · 10-10-2007, 03:46 PM

walkwithjesus08,

I have added you to my prayer list and I will pray for your family daily.

http://www.tsgcomputers.net/forum/in....msg463#msg463

There are several things I wuld lik to touch on...

As already said, forget the ex, what else can they do for you except for create hatred amoung your husband and your children toward you. You don't want you kids asking you why you left them and your husband.

Do what you can to be with you husband more. Do things you two used to lvoe together more. Spend time as a family and less time alone with yourself. By doing this you can help to kill this spirit of selfishness, lust and this hole in your heart, which needs to be filled with your family and prayer to Christ.

Recently I have been reading a book that my father-in-law got me for my birthday, although it was belayed... he gaving it to me this past weekend and by birthday was in April, I do not believe that the past several post were on close to this same topic... things to strengthen your marriage. Pelase visit the following sites:

http://www.tsgcomputers.net/forum/index.php?board=78.0

http://www.tsgcomputers.net/forum/index.php?topic=234.0

http://www.tsgcomputers.net/forum/index.php?topic=235.0

http://www.tsgcomputers.net/forum/index.php?topic=242.0

http://www.tsgcomputers.net/forum/index.php?topic=248.0

http://www.tsgcomputers.net/forum/index.php?topic=263.0

http://www.tsgcomputers.net/forum/index.php?topic=265.0

The above go both toward you and your husband. If you can't access them please let me know. You should not ahve to create an account to view them.

Sometimes this lack of partnership is the result of what is in the above posts... the lack of being wanted and needed by your spouse. The Lord tells us to seek Him for Wisdom when we lack it... if you feel the 'urge' or the lonliness kick in, Seek the Lord, not man. If the Lord tells you to cleave to your husband, well, you better do it. Don't cleve to any other man than your husband.

Husbands are to dwell with their wives. Do what we can to support our wives and make them feel secure.

God's number one, I mean HIS MAIN GOAL... is a fmaily. He loves us so much that He desires for us to be happy. And having a family is the greatest joy that we can have a humans. Being accepted and being loved unconditionally, the ultimate gift.

Cleave to you husband. Respect him and love him. He will cleave to you. Respect is very important for men and husbands. If you respect him he will respect you.

God bless,
Johnathan

JohnathanAmber · 10-10-2007, 03:48 PM

Oh and BTW, pray for otehrs as well. When we speak to God He speaks back in not only words but in action for our benefit. Pray for those on your own prayer list or on mine from my site, the 1st link in the above post is my prayer list.

We love you and your family, please, pelase make wise choices and seek the Lord, respect your husband and live as an example and your husband will return to you and your family will be whole again.

God bless,
Johnathan

walkwithjesus08 · 10-10-2007, 04:21 PM

I am struggling with frustration today. I talked to my husband last night (very calmly I might add) about some changes we need to make in our marriage. He just said, "I don't know what you want me to do about it!" and "I am so tired of hearing this over and over!" This is the same pattern we have been following for years. I am a very vocal person with my husband. I don't mean that I am a "nagging" wife because I very much respect the biblical standpoint on the wife being "submissive" and letting the husband be the head of the household. I just mean that when I feel that me and him are slipping in any area of our marriage or don't see "eye to eye" whether it be a marital subject or parenting subject then I like to discuss it and resolve it. He is not that way. He likes to hold things in for a long time and then he just explodes which ultimately causes a lot of strife in the marriage. To paint a clearer picture of our relationship I must say that we are always home everynight together as a family (I honeslty mean everynight except if he works late). We eat supper together, etc. My husband is a "homebody" which is fine some of the time. I am always wanting to go make memories with him and the kids, but he likes to stay at home all of the time and watch TV. I would love to go on a picnic, simple free things that God gave us to enjoy. I can honestly say that other than me and the kids playing outside or working we have stayed within the confines of our home 75% of the time. It has been this way for many years. The other main problem is that we do not communicate well. I like to hear his thoughts on things, but he just says "You can handle it" and "you do a good job,etc". As much as I am glad that he trusts me handling things I want him to step into his role as the leader of our household in all areas. I need that and I feel that he does too. These are where our problems lie and that ultimately leads to lack of intimacy. We have been to counseling several times over the past year with our pastor who is exceptional in the area of a "Christian marriage" but still we battle. I know I have just got to keep looking up to the Lord and trust that he will handle all of these issues if we just put it in his hands. I am just having a down day because of the emotional toll it is taking on me. I just don't want to be the only person in the marriage giving any effort to fix it. It becomes exhausting on my spirit too. Please throw some extra prayers up for me today.

JohnathanAmber · 10-10-2007, 04:47 PM

walkingwithjesus08,

I didn't know that your husband wasn't putting much effort into it. Maybe he needs to soeak to a male christian counselor personally, I mean alone. Either he doesn't want to assist and is being lazy or he has things in his heart that God needs to work on. Continue to pray for your marriage and especially pray for him as it sounds that God has to work on him.

Continue to do what you can to show him respect and live life as an example to him. If he sees this he will soon change for the better. However if all he wants to do is watch TV, maybe you should think about throwing it away. If the TV is taking all of his time and not his family we will loose one of them.

God bless,
Johnathan

Boanerges · 10-10-2007, 10:53 PM

Sometimes a different counselor with a different perspective can help. Does your husband understand how serious your relationship problems are? It sounds like he needs a wake up call.

walkwithjesus08 · 10-11-2007, 12:22 PM

Boanerges,

I agree that he needs to seek counsel from someone else, but he won't go. He does not realize how serious the problems are and always thinks that it is just "my female emotions" running away with me. He made a lot of promises to me when we got back together after the brief seperation and for a while things were looking up for us. Then he fell back into his old patterns of thinking again. Now when I mention the "broken promises" he just says, "Maybe I can't change, this is who I am." Marriage is about compromise and we all have to adjust some of our set ways for a happy home. I do not want him to change who he is, I just want him to modify the behavior that is causing some of the problems. I tell him this so much that I feel I am "beating a dead horse" so to speak. I feel like I have basically hung a banner up or a flashing sign telling him what is wrong, but he just doesn't want to put in the effort to fix it. I am still relying on the Lord who I know can heal all in his own time.

Boanerges · 10-11-2007, 12:34 PM

Sit him down look him in the eye and tell him if he wants his marriage to work he will go to counseling. Let him know that if something doesn't change you don't see a future for the two of you- he needs to open his eyes.

Rumely · 10-14-2007, 10:46 AM

WWJ08,

I'm sorry that you're discouraged. I will make a point to pray for you, your husband, and your marriage this morning. Human relationships, sadly, are complicated and messy. Part of the problem is that you're dealing with another being with their own preceptions and will. I have read a number of books which say that if you will do thus and so, your husband will respond accordingly. While this tends to be the case, a great many variables can throw this formula off. In short, your husband must also submit to the will of God for a Godly marriage to happen. It sounds to me like he has a lot of anger and resentment, despite his claim to have forgiven you, and this naturally causes one to resist the prompting of the Spirit and the wise guidance of others. Of course, I am only speculating on his state of mind, not having spoken to him or personally observed his behavior.

All you can really control is what you do. Go to counseling alone, if he won't go. Continue to do all you know to be a Godly wife. Continue to rely on God for wisdom, perseverance, strength, and guidance. Know that God is aware of and pleased by your efforts to honor Him in your marriage, and you will not lose your reward. (Galatians 6:9)

This is what I shall pray for you: That God will deal with your husband even into the deepest, darkest nooks and crannies of his heart and mind, breaking down his resistance and turning his heart back to you. That God will comfort you in your distress. That God will bring about a reconciliation and restoration which brings about a union which will glorify Him and be an inspiration to others. I am praying these things even now, as I post.

walkwithjesus08 · 10-15-2007, 05:20 PM

I appreciate all of the guidance and prayers lifted up for me and my family. Things were better over the weekend. We talked about a lot of things and "cleared the air" so to speak. I feel that we are moving forward in a positive direction. I know that we will still hit our fair share of road bumps, but with the Lord we can be prepared for them.

10-10-2007, 04:21 PM	#14 (permalink)
walkwithjesus08 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 11 Rep Power: 0	Frustrated today I am struggling with frustration today. I talked to my husband last night (very calmly I might add) about some changes we need to make in our marriage. He just said, "I don't know what you want me to do about it!" and "I am so tired of hearing this over and over!" This is the same pattern we have been following for years. I am a very vocal person with my husband. I don't mean that I am a "nagging" wife because I very much respect the biblical standpoint on the wife being "submissive" and letting the husband be the head of the household. I just mean that when I feel that me and him are slipping in any area of our marriage or don't see "eye to eye" whether it be a marital subject or parenting subject then I like to discuss it and resolve it. He is not that way. He likes to hold things in for a long time and then he just explodes which ultimately causes a lot of strife in the marriage. To paint a clearer picture of our relationship I must say that we are always home everynight together as a family (I honeslty mean everynight except if he works late). We eat supper together, etc. My husband is a "homebody" which is fine some of the time. I am always wanting to go make memories with him and the kids, but he likes to stay at home all of the time and watch TV. I would love to go on a picnic, simple free things that God gave us to enjoy. I can honestly say that other than me and the kids playing outside or working we have stayed within the confines of our home 75% of the time. It has been this way for many years. The other main problem is that we do not communicate well. I like to hear his thoughts on things, but he just says "You can handle it" and "you do a good job,etc". As much as I am glad that he trusts me handling things I want him to step into his role as the leader of our household in all areas. I need that and I feel that he does too. These are where our problems lie and that ultimately leads to lack of intimacy. We have been to counseling several times over the past year with our pastor who is exceptional in the area of a "Christian marriage" but still we battle. I know I have just got to keep looking up to the Lord and trust that he will handle all of these issues if we just put it in his hands. I am just having a down day because of the emotional toll it is taking on me. I just don't want to be the only person in the marriage giving any effort to fix it. It becomes exhausting on my spirit too. Please throw some extra prayers up for me today.

10-11-2007, 12:22 PM	#17 (permalink)
walkwithjesus08 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 11 Rep Power: 0	Still trying Boanerges, I agree that he needs to seek counsel from someone else, but he won't go. He does not realize how serious the problems are and always thinks that it is just "my female emotions" running away with me. He made a lot of promises to me when we got back together after the brief seperation and for a while things were looking up for us. Then he fell back into his old patterns of thinking again. Now when I mention the "broken promises" he just says, "Maybe I can't change, this is who I am." Marriage is about compromise and we all have to adjust some of our set ways for a happy home. I do not want him to change who he is, I just want him to modify the behavior that is causing some of the problems. I tell him this so much that I feel I am "beating a dead horse" so to speak. I feel like I have basically hung a banner up or a flashing sign telling him what is wrong, but he just doesn't want to put in the effort to fix it. I am still relying on the Lord who I know can heal all in his own time.

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10-09-2007, 06:37 PM	#11 (permalink)
Charlie68 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Stephenville, Texas Posts: 104 Rep Power: 1	Reading your posts give me chills as much of what you describe is the same for us, our problems have advanced much further than yours though. My wife told me early on of her feelings for this man, and she did fight them for months until she felt she couldn't anymore. That is when she forced the separation. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying I have no fault as I have for years ignored her concerns and problems with our relationship. Anyway, what I am saying is that there is a reason you have those feelings of guilt. It sounds like you are keeping a pretty level head, but be wary and don't start ignoring your conscience. God put it there much like a fire alarm to warn you of fire/danger. My wife, too, was one I nor she would have never thought would do this. The past several years she has talked to 2 or 3 friends who did this same thing. She was able to talk one out of going through with divorce but not the other 2. I will keep you and your family in prayer. Be strong and ask the Almighty Father to cast Satan from the midst of your family. If feelings of weakness creep up on you, find a good Christian friend to talk to, or log on to this site. The good people here have done me much good. God Bless you, from your brother in Christ, Charlie

10-10-2007, 10:53 PM	#16 (permalink)
Boanerges Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St Rose LA Posts: 16,835 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 18	Sometimes a different counselor with a different perspective can help. Does your husband understand how serious your relationship problems are? It sounds like he needs a wake up call.

10-11-2007, 12:34 PM	#18 (permalink)
Boanerges Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St Rose LA Posts: 16,835 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 18	Sit him down look him in the eye and tell him if he wants his marriage to work he will go to counseling. Let him know that if something doesn't change you don't see a future for the two of you- he needs to open his eyes.

10-14-2007, 10:46 AM	#19 (permalink)
Rumely Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lakeville, Minnesnowta Posts: 348 Blog Entries: 1 Rep Power: 1	WWJ08, I'm sorry that you're discouraged. I will make a point to pray for you, your husband, and your marriage this morning. Human relationships, sadly, are complicated and messy. Part of the problem is that you're dealing with another being with their own preceptions and will. I have read a number of books which say that if you will do thus and so, your husband will respond accordingly. While this tends to be the case, a great many variables can throw this formula off. In short, your husband must also submit to the will of God for a Godly marriage to happen. It sounds to me like he has a lot of anger and resentment, despite his claim to have forgiven you, and this naturally causes one to resist the prompting of the Spirit and the wise guidance of others. Of course, I am only speculating on his state of mind, not having spoken to him or personally observed his behavior. All you can really control is what you do. Go to counseling alone, if he won't go. Continue to do all you know to be a Godly wife. Continue to rely on God for wisdom, perseverance, strength, and guidance. Know that God is aware of and pleased by your efforts to honor Him in your marriage, and you will not lose your reward. (Galatians 6:9) This is what I shall pray for you: That God will deal with your husband even into the deepest, darkest nooks and crannies of his heart and mind, breaking down his resistance and turning his heart back to you. That God will comfort you in your distress. That God will bring about a reconciliation and restoration which brings about a union which will glorify Him and be an inspiration to others. I am praying these things even now, as I post.

10-15-2007, 05:20 PM	#20 (permalink)
walkwithjesus08 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 11 Rep Power: 0	I appreciate all of the guidance and prayers lifted up for me and my family. Things were better over the weekend. We talked about a lot of things and "cleared the air" so to speak. I feel that we are moving forward in a positive direction. I know that we will still hit our fair share of road bumps, but with the Lord we can be prepared for them.