Fake It 'Til You Got It?

Unconventional · 08-11-2007, 12:18 PM

My roommate gave me the title's advice when I asked him about confidence. He said I had to fake confidence until I had it, in regards to relationships, because women are attracted to confidence.

I honestly don't have a great deal of confidence, and find faking it to be, well, fake. I don't like presenting someone I'm not. I am a lonely individual, but not a desperate one. I've resigned myself to the fact that I may very well be single for the rest of my life, and that bothers me only a little anymore.

What's ya'll's take on confidence? Should I fake it, or just wait for a woman to come around that can accept me for the somewhat unstable, slightly introverted eccentric that I am?

violet · 08-11-2007, 02:44 PM

"Faking it" may have been the wrong words he used in reference to what he really meant? I say that because I believe when we lack self confidence that we need to practice behavior that attributes to confidence. Is that really faking it? Maybe, at first~
A person may slouch, talk quietly, avoid people, etc....If you are aware of these traits you can change them though you still may lack the confidence. A person can stand tall, smile more, talk a little louder, and make himself go in public more~
Practiced behavior then becomes habit and these specific habits can lead to a true confidence~

You should never change your personality; it is who you are, but ENHANCE it!

smellycat · 08-11-2007, 02:53 PM

just be yourself.if they dont like yourself then there is no future.

violet · 08-11-2007, 03:43 PM

You have a very good point Smellycat, but sometimes there is room for improvement within ourselves~

smellycat · 08-11-2007, 07:14 PM

that will come naturally .

violet · 08-11-2007, 09:08 PM

To some of us, shyness and low self esteem come naturally~

seranade · 08-11-2007, 09:22 PM

Violet has given some excellent advice.

I know the scene, hehe, I was a shy introverted girl growing up, very insecure and afraid to really say "BOO" ....

The thing that really changed me was when I decide to challenge myself. I was so tired of being this way.... So, I decided to join the music team at church, then I started to worship lead..... scary at first.... but over a period of time I was so used to being up front before people that my confidence grew.

Another really good confidence builder is to read the scriptures . Read about who you are in Christ!!!! Go to your concordance and find all the scriptures that tell you the good things!!! like you are an overcomer, you are raised up with Christ! You CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens you!!!!

Gradually day by day , see yourself as the man you want to be in God, confident and sure in HIM...

I know as a female I would be so much more attracted to a guy who pursues holiness . Confidence is good but if it is a self confidence that has no room for God then it is a real turn off...
Confidence in God!!! now thats a turn on, lol...

smellycat · 08-11-2007, 09:40 PM

i agree seranade.

acral · 08-21-2007, 05:43 AM

Confidence is elusive, and almost seems at odds with a Christian mindset, but it is not.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13

So the foundation of your confidence is in place. You have the most important ally in your corner.

In terms of behavioral approaches, these things take time. Perchance most of the women you are approaching are assuming that you are looking for some sort of quick gradification?

From what I have read, you seem to be displaying your heart up front, with all the emotions that entales. Your dates are as nervous or even more nervous as you.

Some worldly advice would suggest that you consider what you are good at, be it working, a hobby, or some special talent that you have, and accentuate on that. From there, you will build your confidence.

Lastly, the fact that you are reaching out is proof that you, my friend, are nowhere as lonely as other may lead you to think.

Boanerges · 08-21-2007, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acral

Confidence is elusive, and almost seems at odds with a Christian mindset, but it is not.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13

So the foundation of your confidence is in place. You have the most important ally in your corner.

Amen to that Arcal!

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