buterflieblue

I am a strong Christian woman and have known the Lord since I was only 5 years old. I met my husband over 6 years ago and we fell in love after only 2 weeks of dating. My husband had been a Christian for 10 years, but, like myself, had back slidden. He was known as a "player" for years, but I never believed that he would cheat on me, and he didn't in the beginning. As we dated, we always said that our foundation was on God - and over time, we did change our lives, however not enough. We belived in God, we stopped drinking and partying, we liked to talk about God, but we didn't change our hearts to really truly live for Him the way we should have.

Anyways, we had an amazing relationship. After 3 1/2 years of dating, we were married. We were commited to making God the center of our life and our marriage.

My husband and I have always had an amazing relationship. We are best friends and very active together. We snowboard together, dirtbike, travel, snowmobile, etc... but we also enjoy down time too. Last August, after trying to get pregnant for 6 months, we finally had a positive test! We were both so excited. However, because we live in a resort town and neither of us had an actual career, he decided to go to massage school 4 hours away. I stayed living in our resort town, because I was paid well and had insurance that covered both of us. School was 8 months long. My husband drove out to see me every weekend unless there was a snowstorm.

Our beautiful baby boy was born 6 weeks ago. The happiest time of my life.

However, 3 days ago, he sat me down to tell me something. We have 2 very close friends who are devout Christians, who were there for support. My husband told me that he has been basically living a double life. He had been cheating (having sex) on me with about 5 differnt girls since he had been away in school, throughout my entire pregnancy. The last girl became pregnant and is due in about 7 months. She is only 21 years old (we are 30). She is from a messed up home, has tatoos all over her body, she drinks and does some drugs (which she did while pregnant, but didn't know). This is the only girl my husband actually started having feelings for (completely opposite me). I was completely devistated.

After talking, I know that adultery is the only grounds for divorce in the Bible. However, I know that God put my husband in my life for a reason - I never felt like I had done the wrong thing in marrying him. I told him I forgave him (that's what Jesus would do), but that things obviously have to change. He got down on his knees and said the sinner's prayer - and we are making huge changes - I mean, we are reading our Bibles together and praying, we are going to start seeing the pastor of our church for counseling, we are not going to watch any tv, listen to non-christian music, he is not allowed any female friends, he's erasing any female #s from his phone, etc... It's crazy. But I know we can only go up. I've always felt that God has huge plans for him. If he continues changing his life, God will use him and will make this miracle happen. I am a firm beliver that God can do anything, as long as we make him top priority in our lives.

As for the other baby, we will figure out what to do. The girl wanted to keep the baby, hoping that she could also have my husband. My husband has not chosen that life. She now is talking about aborting the baby. We do not belive in abortion and would take full custody of the child and raise it as our own, but the girl won't return any phone calls. We are worried she may have already committed another great sin.

I suppose I am writting here, not so much for advice, but for support from other Christians who don't know me. I come from a solid Christian home. This is the most messsed up thing that I've ever heard of. This baby and mine will only be 7 months apart. I do trust God to change my husbands heart. Thank you for taking time to read this and reply.

violet

Iskij

Dear Buterflieblue,

You have such an amazing faith and I admire the way you're handling the situation you're in. I pray that you would remain strong and that in time God's plan would be revealed. I would be praying for you and your family.

adoptivemommy

I second Violet and Iskij! You sweet girl! Your faith in God and your strength of character really amaze me! I am sorry for what you've gone through, but you do have the best attitude you could have. Also, forgiving your husband but setting up boundries and changing your life, is the best thing you could do. Keep believing, keep trusting and having faith in Jesus and He will see you through this! As far as the other girl is concerned, it is admirable that you made the attempt to help her and raise the baby as your own, however, not to seem cold but if she choses to have an abortion, there really isn't anything you could do about it. It is her choice! Hopefully, she will make the right decision but if she does not, God will raise the baby Himself in Heaven. Can you think of a better home and Father? I will be praying for you!

Laura

__________________
Forgiveness is His Signature!

buterflieblue

Oh my goodness. Thank you all so much for your support and prayers and for replying here! You've made my day.

My husband and I had our first counciling session with the pastor of our church today. It seems that the more that we talk this out, the more repentant my husband is.

In response to Violet, I never suspected anything. I guess I've been nieve. He was always knows as a "player" before we dated. I knew this, and knew that he had been with many women, but thought that changed when we started dating and when we started to get closer to God. I've been asking him many many questions since finding out. Today he told me that he had acutally cheated on me while we were just dating - with about 15 women. It's crazy! We were together ALL the time. And since being married, there have been about 5 (while he was in massage school through my pregnancy). So there have been about 20 women in total... some of them were my "freinds". As sick as that sounds, it is obvious that my husband has a problem with sexual addiction. He obviously sees, or saw, sex as a game.. as something fun. That is what we are working on now. The pastor of our church has assigned an older couple to mentor and council us. We now have people to keep my husband accountable too. He really wants to change. His father and grandfather and uncles all have the same curse. We believe that this can be broken. The difference now is that he is giving it to God. He has tried to stop in the past, but he was trying on his own. We can't do anything on our own. he has taken the first step by telling me, seeing the pastor etc... Now we just need for God to do the work in his heart as we rebuild our marriage foundation.

Thank you again for your prayers and please keep on praying for us. God bless you all.

Jennie

Boanerges

You are a wonderful example of Jesus's love but your husband is not- if he cheated so many times he may do so again- if you want to stay with him it should be an imperative that he stop what he is doing and not just offer lip service.I am sorry for your pain and I admire your beautiful spirit - I am praying things will really change for your relationship- your brother Larry

buterflieblue

Thank you Larry. I do have faith that the Lord is going to change my husband from the inside out - that he will be a brand new man. Only time will tell for sure. The Bible allows divorce over infidelity, ONLY if the infadel is not repentant. My husband is, so now it's up to God to do His work in his heart. Without God, there is no chance.

smellycat

he has got to want to change.he has got problems,he needs to take a good look at himself.stop being influenced and be a good husband.he needs to read the word and repent then start again.

violet

buterflieblue

Violet is right. We both know it is going to be a battle - the devil knows my husband's weaknesses and it will take time for him to be truely transformed - maybe many many years. But at least he is taking the right steps. All I can do is pray and believe that the Lord is going to do a miraculous work in his life. This doesn't mean that I will be nieve and trust him - that too will take lots of time too, but I can continue to put my trust in the Lord. He does want to change. He knows that the path he was going down was one that was leading him to the pit of hell. He loves the Lord, however, I don't belive that the fear of the Lord has been put in him yet. That will come in time as he continues to read the Word and truely seek the Lord.