Are you a believer but you spouse of boyfriend isnt?? read this. - Page 3

BelieverIndeed20 · 07-09-2007, 09:19 PM

Sorry if this is a bit off subject but I heard from a teacher at my Christian School that even if your spouse is not totally a Christian but you do, you will still carry that person into heaven because you share faith. I'm not sure if this is true but it does provide a little bit of hope.

Cloud · 07-31-2007, 11:28 PM

I don't think that is true, I believe we all have to make our own decision for Christ, we were born alone and will have to exit stage left alone too and then face God all by our onesies. You can't please-explain to God what your spouse did in their life, they have to stand accountable for their own actions.

I'm sorry for the guys here. And may I just say that I feel the same about Christian guys. I never found a wonderful Christian guy in church. In fact, I found the opposite. And the few wonderful ones just weren't interested/already taken.
But then again, the non-Christian guys I meet are even...shall we say... "worse". (That's my way of looking on the bright side

)

ucdincognito · 09-20-2007, 08:39 PM

I have first hand experience with this conundrum. Actually, 2 experiences.

I met a non-believer in college (she went to Catholic school during her elementary school). When we dated, we got into a physical relationship, which looking back on now, feels very wrong. She was willing to go to church with me. After almost 4 years, we became engaged but things didn't work out. I found out that not long after we parted, she became a devoted Christian. However, her husband (the guy she saw behind my back while we were engaged) isn't a believer so now she's struggling with that.

For my second experience, actually this is something very recent. In fact, it happened no more than 3 weeks ago. About 6 months ago, I met a great gal through one of my close friends' online profile. We got along great. We talked for hours on end for basically everyday even while I'm at work. She was the sweetest and most considerate person I knew at the time. However, she wasn't a believer. When our relationship began to get more serious in July of this year (it started a day before my 27th birthday)
, I prayed and asked God if this woman was the one for me. I asked if He wanted me to lead her to Christ. So I brought up the idea of going to church together. She wasn't opposed to it but she did flake out of the 2 or 3 times I've asked her. One time she even playfully suggested that I not go to the BBQ and stay to be with her instead.

Now I will admit that I am a stubborn person (I won't even admit that I am stubborn sometimes). I could feel that God was talking to me; telling me that this relationship was wrong for me. However, I did not listen because I brazenly tried to fit God's guidance into what I really wanted, which was to give into my temptations.

So again, we started getting physical. (I had promised God that I would never do this again after having my heart broken the first time with the ex-fiancee). I felt bad about it during the entire time.

Things came to an end after we took a trip to Yosemite during Labor Day weekend. The trip was a positive turning point for me. I decided that I would stop the physical aspect of the relationship and put my efforts into sharing my faith with her. However, the trip was a turning point for her, only in the opposite direction.

She told me that she saw a side of me she did not like during the trip. It was mostly little things such as the one time where I unknowingly cut a woman off when I was climbing down from some rocks or the time we were loading stuff into my car where her mom (who has rheumatoid arthritis) helped carry some of our stuff and I didn't instinctively grab it from her. She also mentioned a bunch of other little "mistakes" (which I was completely oblivious to).

So as a result, she told me that she no longer had any emotional attraction for me. At first she wanted some time to clear her thoughts, but a miscommunication from her caused me to "flip" out and I said some things I didn't mean (e.g. breaking up with her when it was just my frustration speaking). So after about 2 weeks of struggling to put the relationship back together (basically all me), she said she can't return to the way she felt.

During the whole time, I knew that God was speaking to me. He was telling me that this was the wrong relationship for me. Not only was she a non-believer, she was also quite intolerant of my little quirks and faults (I'm a little goofy and sometimes I make inappropriate outbursts in an attempt to be humorous).

So I refused to believe that this was over. I kept wrestling with God on it. Now I've finally given up. I know I just can't win when fighting with Him. I even had the audacity to distort his words to fit into what I wanted--I said to myself, "This is just a bump in the road that God has put here to test my commitment to the relationship."

With that said, I began to pray and ask for forgiveness. Right now, I am utterly lost and distraught. I have nothing left. I'm at the Lord's mercy.

The lessons I learned or I am still learning? Trust and obey God. Do not date a non-Christian woman. Please pray for me. I am still having a hard time dealing with the day to day aftermath of the relationship.

violet · 09-20-2007, 09:05 PM

ucdincognito

I am sorry for your heartache but you have learned a very important lesson.
Sometimes we have to go through these things before we will learn to trust ourselves and listen to God.
But you haven't lost everything.
You have God and have earned some very important knowledge.
Knowledge that will help carry you through the rest of your life.
God is good.
I am praying for you~

JesusReignsForever · 09-20-2007, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mom

Nonsense! If that was mindlessly dictated by all Christians, I'd be single now! I wasn't Christian until after Nikki taught me about it. It was my understanding to spread the Word, not confine it to a handful of denominations.

Just because you dont agree dosent make it nonsense thats a very rude thing to say. And secondly the word of God is not mindless! If you have a problem with God's word you take that up with him not us...and thirdly It is not a confinement it is simply to help guide us christians from getting into impossible poor relationships with non believers. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? People keep disobey God's word and doing it there way...thats the problem.

Housesitter · 09-20-2007, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mom

Nonsense! If that was mindlessly dictated by all Christians, I'd be single now! I wasn't Christian until after Nikki taught me about it. It was my understanding to spread the Word, not confine it to a handful of denominations.

MOM

As a moderator it is my duty to remind you of the forum rules.
Please read them again before you post anything else.

Note especially the following
Common courtesy
Rule 2.1 Common courtesy and civil dialogue is expected from all participants. Common courtesy is a generally understood concept and too broad to fully define here. In short, if you have doubt on whether you should say something, DON'T!

Rule 2.2 If someone disagrees with you do not immediately jump to the conclusion that they are not truly saved just because they disagree, there are differences of opinion in translating Biblical doctrine.

God bless you

Housesitter · 09-20-2007, 10:42 PM

Apology accepted.
At times we all say things without really thinking.
Blessings,
Ray

Humble_Servant · 09-23-2007, 05:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violet

I thought adultery was the only Biblical grounds for divorce~

A little off subject, but I think it is important to clarify on this matter.

actually adultery is not grounds for divorce... the only grounds for divorce is fornication.

matt 5:32
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery

Boanerges · 09-23-2007, 12:37 PM

Oil and water do not mix spiritually - if we follow God's Word we know that being yoked to an unbleiever is asking for trouble.

Rumely · 10-15-2007, 07:50 AM

I met my wife in college. Fortunately, we were both Christians. There were many fine sisters who married fine Christian gentlemen. For the most part, I saw little evidence that these women were unreasonable in their expectations respecting their mates. Most of these marriages (ALL that I know about) are still intact and healthy 20+ years later, though I'm sure any of them would tell you that there have been many adjustments in attitude and behavior along the way.

For me, my wife expressed disappointment in my failure to fulfill my role as spiritual leader of the home. And you know what? She was right. We have had plenty of rough times in our marriage, but we have both wanted to obey God and do right. This harmony of purpose is probably the only reason our union has survived.

When God gives us guidelines (whether in the form of laws, commands, suggestions, rules, principles, or whatever) He, in His infinite love and wisdom, gives them for our good. His purpose is not to restrict us, but to protect us. We get the "yeah, buts" and figure we know better, and suffer as a consequence.

I mean this post to be an encouragement, however, and not a lecture. Ladies, there are Godly men out there. Gentlemen, there are Godly women out there who are not overbearing. They are worth waiting for. Maturity plays a big role in making for healthy dating and marriage relationships. Young men, young ladies; my challenge to you is to focus on growing and maturing in Christ so that you will be a fit spouse, and will have discernment in your dating relationships. Submit your desires and will to God. You need not fear, His desire is for your relationships and marriage to be a blessing for both of you.

07-09-2007, 09:19 PM	#21 (permalink)
BelieverIndeed20 Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Midwest Posts: 47 Rep Power: 0	Sorry if this is a bit off subject but I heard from a teacher at my Christian School that even if your spouse is not totally a Christian but you do, you will still carry that person into heaven because you share faith. I'm not sure if this is true but it does provide a little bit of hope. __________________ Matthew 5:16 In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. *My Rock and my Salvation is you O Lord. He is the Lord of the dance.*

09-20-2007, 09:05 PM	#24 (permalink)
violet Join Date: May 2007 Location: England Posts: 8,175 Blog Entries: 13 Rep Power: 10	ucdincognito I am sorry for your heartache but you have learned a very important lesson. Sometimes we have to go through these things before we will learn to trust ourselves and listen to God. But you haven't lost everything. You have God and have earned some very important knowledge. Knowledge that will help carry you through the rest of your life. God is good. I am praying for you~ __________________ Violet Matthew 10:38 ....he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

09-20-2007, 10:42 PM	#27 (permalink)
Housesitter Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: England Posts: 3,492 Rep Power: 5	Apology accepted. At times we all say things without really thinking. Blessings, Ray __________________ Ray Enjoy a rent free holiday with Christian House Sitters www.christian-housesitters.com

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07-31-2007, 11:28 PM	#22 (permalink)
Cloud Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Currently in Cape Town Posts: 23 Rep Power: 0	I don't think that is true, I believe we all have to make our own decision for Christ, we were born alone and will have to exit stage left alone too and then face God all by our onesies. You can't please-explain to God what your spouse did in their life, they have to stand accountable for their own actions. I'm sorry for the guys here. And may I just say that I feel the same about Christian guys. I never found a wonderful Christian guy in church. In fact, I found the opposite. And the few wonderful ones just weren't interested/already taken. But then again, the non-Christian guys I meet are even...shall we say... "worse". (That's my way of looking on the bright side )

09-20-2007, 08:39 PM	#23 (permalink)
ucdincognito Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Dublin, CA Posts: 1 Rep Power: 0	I have first hand experience with this conundrum. Actually, 2 experiences. I met a non-believer in college (she went to Catholic school during her elementary school). When we dated, we got into a physical relationship, which looking back on now, feels very wrong. She was willing to go to church with me. After almost 4 years, we became engaged but things didn't work out. I found out that not long after we parted, she became a devoted Christian. However, her husband (the guy she saw behind my back while we were engaged) isn't a believer so now she's struggling with that. For my second experience, actually this is something very recent. In fact, it happened no more than 3 weeks ago. About 6 months ago, I met a great gal through one of my close friends' online profile. We got along great. We talked for hours on end for basically everyday even while I'm at work. She was the sweetest and most considerate person I knew at the time. However, she wasn't a believer. When our relationship began to get more serious in July of this year (it started a day before my 27th birthday) , I prayed and asked God if this woman was the one for me. I asked if He wanted me to lead her to Christ. So I brought up the idea of going to church together. She wasn't opposed to it but she did flake out of the 2 or 3 times I've asked her. One time she even playfully suggested that I not go to the BBQ and stay to be with her instead. Now I will admit that I am a stubborn person (I won't even admit that I am stubborn sometimes). I could feel that God was talking to me; telling me that this relationship was wrong for me. However, I did not listen because I brazenly tried to fit God's guidance into what I really wanted, which was to give into my temptations. So again, we started getting physical. (I had promised God that I would never do this again after having my heart broken the first time with the ex-fiancee). I felt bad about it during the entire time. Things came to an end after we took a trip to Yosemite during Labor Day weekend. The trip was a positive turning point for me. I decided that I would stop the physical aspect of the relationship and put my efforts into sharing my faith with her. However, the trip was a turning point for her, only in the opposite direction. She told me that she saw a side of me she did not like during the trip. It was mostly little things such as the one time where I unknowingly cut a woman off when I was climbing down from some rocks or the time we were loading stuff into my car where her mom (who has rheumatoid arthritis) helped carry some of our stuff and I didn't instinctively grab it from her. She also mentioned a bunch of other little "mistakes" (which I was completely oblivious to). So as a result, she told me that she no longer had any emotional attraction for me. At first she wanted some time to clear her thoughts, but a miscommunication from her caused me to "flip" out and I said some things I didn't mean (e.g. breaking up with her when it was just my frustration speaking). So after about 2 weeks of struggling to put the relationship back together (basically all me), she said she can't return to the way she felt. During the whole time, I knew that God was speaking to me. He was telling me that this was the wrong relationship for me. Not only was she a non-believer, she was also quite intolerant of my little quirks and faults (I'm a little goofy and sometimes I make inappropriate outbursts in an attempt to be humorous). So I refused to believe that this was over. I kept wrestling with God on it. Now I've finally given up. I know I just can't win when fighting with Him. I even had the audacity to distort his words to fit into what I wanted--I said to myself, "This is just a bump in the road that God has put here to test my commitment to the relationship." With that said, I began to pray and ask for forgiveness. Right now, I am utterly lost and distraught. I have nothing left. I'm at the Lord's mercy. The lessons I learned or I am still learning? Trust and obey God. Do not date a non-Christian woman. Please pray for me. I am still having a hard time dealing with the day to day aftermath of the relationship.

09-23-2007, 12:37 PM	#29 (permalink)
Boanerges Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St Rose LA Posts: 16,667 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 18	Oil and water do not mix spiritually - if we follow God's Word we know that being yoked to an unbleiever is asking for trouble.

10-15-2007, 07:50 AM	#30 (permalink)
Rumely Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Lakeville, Minnesnowta Posts: 336 Blog Entries: 1 Rep Power: 1	I met my wife in college. Fortunately, we were both Christians. There were many fine sisters who married fine Christian gentlemen. For the most part, I saw little evidence that these women were unreasonable in their expectations respecting their mates. Most of these marriages (ALL that I know about) are still intact and healthy 20+ years later, though I'm sure any of them would tell you that there have been many adjustments in attitude and behavior along the way. For me, my wife expressed disappointment in my failure to fulfill my role as spiritual leader of the home. And you know what? She was right. We have had plenty of rough times in our marriage, but we have both wanted to obey God and do right. This harmony of purpose is probably the only reason our union has survived. When God gives us guidelines (whether in the form of laws, commands, suggestions, rules, principles, or whatever) He, in His infinite love and wisdom, gives them for our good. His purpose is not to restrict us, but to protect us. We get the "yeah, buts" and figure we know better, and suffer as a consequence. I mean this post to be an encouragement, however, and not a lecture. Ladies, there are Godly men out there. Gentlemen, there are Godly women out there who are not overbearing. They are worth waiting for. Maturity plays a big role in making for healthy dating and marriage relationships. Young men, young ladies; my challenge to you is to focus on growing and maturing in Christ so that you will be a fit spouse, and will have discernment in your dating relationships. Submit your desires and will to God. You need not fear, His desire is for your relationships and marriage to be a blessing for both of you.