Malissa

Before I met my fiance, I dated several men who weren't Christian and obviously didn't allow the Lord into our relationship which I know is the main reason as to why those relationships ended.

One distinct factor in every single one of those relationships that I had to deal with was that the man I was dating would look at porn--something that I absolutely can not stand and just don't understand the desire for anyone to even consider having a gander at such awful things. I didn't trust any of them and I knew that the lack of trust was God telling me that it shouldn't go through any more. So obviously, they all ended.

Well, being with my fiance for well over a year now and having known him for four years now, I know he is a strong faithful Christian. He is actually the one person that brought the Lord back into my life and turned my ways around when I used to drink and stay out too late. Having the Lord as our foundation has really helped us to understand each other and to grow with love for each other even more than what we started with.

However, a little over a month ago as I was using the internet on my fiance's computer, I came across some extremely distasteful websites that may or may not have been looked at. I wasn't sure. But it devastated me. I trusted my fiance with all my heart but now those same trust issues I had with my past relationships all came back in the same way. I tried to deal with it myself for a few days but I finally had to ask him about it. I asked him if he had ever looked at porn and he admitted to it. It just made me more upset. It changed my entire view of him in an instant... I thought it was something he had never done.

At that point I wasn't sure what to do. With the direction that God had been leading me in my life, I was sure that he was the person I am to wed, but what about this situation that just happened?

After continuous talks with my fiance about the issue, he has told me that he used to look at it, but that since we have been together, he hasn't.

But because I found those websites on his computer, I still have an extreme lack of trust and am just not sure if he's telling me the truth. We've had some nasty arguments over this issue since it happened. But the past few weeks I have avoided bringing it up and I have been trying my best to pray to God and asking him to help me forgive him or forget it, or for me to find the truth.

But even since I've been praying I'm just failing to see the clear picture right now. I'll be fine and realize that everything is okay one day and then another day I'll feel like maybe he really isn't telling the truth. My fiance knows that I'm struggling with this, and he has assured me several times that he hasn't looked at it, but there are hints that are telling me that I shouldn't believe him.

I'm just not sure if me not being able to trust my fiance anymore has something to do with me not forgiving myself of past situations, or if there is something more that God is telling me?

Either way, what should I do?

Boanerges

We have all stumbled at one time or another and in one way or another. Sit down and talk to your guy. You guys need to come to an understanding now if you are to have any future together.

__________________

Silversheep

Malissa:

Porn is a powerful addiction. What you are feeling are valid feelings. Have you considered approaching your Pastor? I would also suggest that you prayerfully consider taking this to God in prayer. Is it possible that this is something you are attracting due to a "sin" in your past ?

I have had to deal with sensitive issues in my past ... a Pastor helped and several Christian Ministries too.

Jesus Love,
Silversheep

violet

__________________

Malissa

It makes me feel as though I'm not good enough for him and that I don't measure up to a simple photo of a girl that he doesn't even know.

I've read that looking onto a woman for lust, as a man would for porn, is committing adultry in his heart. I don't know exactly how it is for other women with the same problem, but to me, it's the same as him running around with other women behind my back. I've told him these things but I still feel the same way.

Malissa

I'm thinking that my distrust in him is due to my inability to trust anyone else I ever dated. I've honestly never dated anyone that I didn't have to deal with this same situation with... except now I'm engaged to the man.

Boanerges

But that is more than likely the farthest thing from the truth. And it certainly is not the same thing as cheating on you. In truth society today bombards and over stimulates some basic and core parts of a mans mentality and physiology. Such addictions are common and can be quite difficult to shake.
If he found something that was a problem with you would you want him to reject you or question your love? Or would you want understanding , support and help in overcoming your struggles?

__________________

Silversheep

Pray.........
Ask him to seek help
The above steps are important that violet shared.

One thing I share is that men and women are wired differently ... hence satan attacks each differently as we are vunerable in different areas. Men are very visual and women are emotional and it is easy for us to get stuck in these vulnerable areas.

Pray for God's Holy Spirit to heal and protect your emotional heart, Malessa.

"Heavenly Father I lift up to you Malessa .. she is bruised, but not broken...reach deep into her heart and touch her with your healing touch. May Malessa feel the arms of Jesus wrap around her and tell her that she is His Precious Child. Holy Spirit direct her steps and bring into her life a Christian woman who can be her mentor ... one who can cry with her as well as rejoice in Jesus. I pray this all in the precious name of Jesus. Amen."

Malissa

That's a really good point that you made in those last sentences.

It's already helped me to hear what you all have said about this. Just to know that I don't have to feel so alone with it really really makes a difference.

Thank you so much I really appreciate you, and everyone else here, and the advice I've been given. I'm moreso still at a state of shock than I am of fear that our relationship will crumble. I will keep praying about it. Everything takes time, it's just the matter of how much time. thank you for your prayers as well.

Boanerges

If I could help in a small way I am pleased. We all need love and understanding. Loving someone often means we are willing to stand with them trough many a battle and they with us.
Think back on your life, surrender all your pain to Jesus one area at at time as they come to your mind. Every time you think of someone hurting or wounding you do this:
Lord Jesus I surrender _____ into your hands, I know that if they had been full of Your life and love they could not have acted that way. They are in bondage to the God of this world and need Your help, please help me to see them through Your eyes. I choose now to forgive that person and I receive Your healing in that area of my life. Thank You for healing me and I pray You send the blessing of salvation to that person.
If you take the time to do this in every area of your life you will find yourself freer and full of more joy than you can imagine. Every time we hold unforgivness in our hearts it is like adding a weight on our own backs. Over time these accumulate and weigh us down, it is indeed time to get free.
I pray God,s blessings on you and your fiancee.
Many blessings in Jesus Name, your brother Larry.

__________________