Trust issue, what should I do? - Page 4

Slyke · 04-01-2008, 09:07 AM

I'm no expert with this type of thing, so please just take what i say as advice, but i would say something along the lines of that you don't care that he did it, you just want to know the truth, and you don't want him to continue doing it.

Also how did you find these sites on his computer? I know a fair bit about computers and i can tell you with good accuracy if this is his fault, or they were put there by someone else, or a virus.

Boanerges · 04-01-2008, 12:30 PM

Sadly it is the nature of men to be visually stimulated and these things are all around us trying to drag us in.

slavetoChrist · 04-01-2008, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Faithwoman

Now that is a great statement. Now remember we cannot change another person, I have learned that the hard way! .. however , I believe a person can change.. heck did we all not change when we accepted Jesus as our saviour.

The slight difficulty I am having in my current relationship is that I believe there are some things that he could work on and change and draw closer to the Lord.. but I just don't see that happening.. it frustrates me to no end.

and yes work change and work together.. amen to that one brother!

Faithwoman

change for a man is a slow process, sister.. lol .. and I assure you that God is not going to use you to confront him about it.. lol

Faithwoman · 04-02-2008, 03:12 AM

Quote:

change for a man is a slow process, sister.. lol .. and I assure you that God is not going to use you to confront him about it.. lol
__________________

You are just way too funny!

Quote:

Sadly it is the nature of men to be visually stimulated and these things are all around us trying to drag us in.

Isn't that the truth.. even tonight when I was on the net searching for housing for the area I am moving to.. I typed in Craigslist New York and there were a bunch of links.. the 2nd one took me right to a porn site.. I am telling ya.. a word to the wise for the computer snoops.. a person can be led to one of those sites accidentaly..

Faithwoman

worshipper · 05-15-2008, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malissa

Well, being with my fiance for well over a year now and having known him for four years now, I know he is a strong faithful Christian. However, a little over a month ago as I was using the internet on my fiance's computer, I came across some extremely distasteful websites that may or may not have been looked at. I wasn't sure. But it devastated me. I tried to deal with it myself for a few days but I finally had to ask him about it. I asked him if he had ever looked at porn and he admitted to it. ...After continuous talks with my fiance about the issue, he has told me that he used to look at it, but that since we have been together, he hasn't.But because I found those websites on his computer, I still have an extreme lack of trust and am just not sure if he's telling me the truth. We've had some nasty arguments over this issue since it happened. But the past few weeks I have avoided bringing it up and I have been trying my best to pray to God and asking him to help me forgive him or forget it, or for me to find the truth. But even since I've been praying I'm just failing to see the clear picture right now. I'll be fine and realize that everything is okay one day and then another day I'll feel like maybe he really isn't telling the truth. My fiance knows that I'm struggling with this, and he has assured me several times that he hasn't looked at it, but there are hints that are telling me that I shouldn't believe him. I'm just not sure if me not being able to trust my fiance anymore has something to do with me not forgiving myself of past situations, or if there is something more that God is telling me?
Either way, what should I do?

Dear Malissa
Hi, I am a newbie on this forum but I know "where you are at"...I was married to a man who I believe was and probably still is; a porn addict (sexual addict) and I know the pain, confusion, frustration, lack of trust that you are going through and you are not going crazy! Like me, you are trying to make sense out of something that you really don't understand; an addictive personality. The addictive personality can "use" any substance or "subject" as its focus; your fiance has admitted that he has looked at it but not while you have been together. Sweetie, that may imply that he "doesn't need it" right now but that is subject to change whenever he decides he "needs it" again...it is an area of control for them. My ex-husband (married 7 years; no children) claims to be a Christian but refused to tell the truth and repent and ask for my forgiveness for the many uses of credit cards, ATMs, etc...money that he spent of OURS that was spent on porn while we were married. It was his choice to divorce rather than deal with his sin and his unfaithfulness to me to look, talk on the phone and then buy porn magazines too. There is no room for porn in a real Christian marriage; just my opinion.

Please understand, your fiance may be a good Christian but how good of a Christian must we be to NOT give into sin? My dear husband now; over 9 years and a son (stepdaughter, 17, lives with us) does not look at porn; will not look at porn and has kept the "marriage bed undefiled"... We have weathered other storms in life together because he has not "turned to idols" to satisfy any desire...he has turned to the one that God has given him as a wife and friend.

I will be keeping you in my prayers...my heart goes out to you and I truly, truly understand your struggle...

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