Divorce - Page 3

05-02-2008, 01:56 AM

You did come across strong, but I think it's awesome to be passionate about stuff. I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, but nothing more. I say emotionally in the sense that I was manipulated to the point of being made the guilty person for everything. And I truely feel guilty for everything. But I don't think that's a good enough reason for me to get a divorce. Even though it still hurts.

I have been the victim of both physical and sexual abuse as a child. And I don't think that ANYONE should ever have to endure that. That's why I wonder why the Bible mentions nothing about that as a reason to get a divorce. The Bible just seems silent on some issues.

el Pollo · 05-02-2008, 01:59 AM

A very grieving topic, divorce is.

Now that my Yoda impersonation is done, I'd like to chime in on this sad yet real issue. I have been married six years. And when it comes down to it, I would not for one moment let regret creep into my mind. It's not that I feel that God has rendered marriage sacred, it's because I believe God has rendered it sacred. But do problems arise? They sure do.

When my wife and I start to argue, we follow a strict guideline of sticking to the point. That was if our kids ever witness our arguments, they see that people don't always agree, and don't need to insult in order to get the point accross. There are often times that if I feel anger swell up, I take a time out. I will remove myself from the situation and go outside. I'll usually sit on the tailgate of my truck for a while before my wife comes out. We then quietly conversate until the problem is resolved.

It's my belief that Christ has to be the focus in the marriage. If we place our trust in Christ, He will allow the married couple to experience real love. I also believe that marriage is not 50/50. It's 100/100. You give all, and your spouse gives all.

It seems odd to family members and friends that my wife and I are doing so well. My parents divorced when I was two. My dad has been in the picture for a total of about four years in my 29 years of existence. I haven't spoken to him since 1997. No anger on my part. Just wonder. My wife's parents filed divorce literally the day after my wife and I got married. Their excuse was to stay married until after our wedding day. My father-in-law is a believer (although his faith is weakened). He is still single to this day and wonders what went wrong. My mother-in-law has a live-in boyfriend and all of that. So in a sense, my wife and I have examples on how to fail. But with Christ I hope that our bond will never disolve.

My prayer to anyone who is going through a divorce is to cling to Christ. Rejection is a human trait, a trait that is not even in our Heavenly Father's vocabulary. To those who are hitting hard times, my prayer is to again cling to Christ. He is the glue that bonds your marriage together.

Now that I've said this, I'll go on and read the rest of this thread and hope I didn't step on anyone's toes.

dermasse · 05-02-2008, 12:21 PM

If husband and wife are believers and seeking the Lord, there is nothing that cannot be worked out.

Boanerges · 05-02-2008, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by el Pollo

A very grieving topic, divorce is.

Now that my Yoda impersonation is done, I'd like to chime in on this sad yet real issue

I can almost see the little green guy sayhing that!

Dusty · 05-02-2008, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paradox

You did come across strong, but I think it's awesome to be passionate about stuff. I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, but nothing more. I say emotionally in the sense that I was manipulated to the point of being made the guilty person for everything. And I truely feel guilty for everything. But I don't think that's a good enough reason for me to get a divorce. Even though it still hurts.

I have been the victim of both physical and sexual abuse as a child. And I don't think that ANYONE should ever have to endure that. That's why I wonder why the Bible mentions nothing about that as a reason to get a divorce. The Bible just seems silent on some issues.

First of all I know what divorce can do to families and I certainly did not want that in my life but sometimes there are instances where there are no other ways.. I f it can be resolved between husband and wife by all means please get help and prayer so that the two can stay together. I do not want to see any one divorce. It is satans way of getting into homes and bringing downfall.

Yes Paradox.... emotions run a lot deeper and sometimes are more hurting that the physical abuse.Hurtful words can remain in the mind and crop up so they are very hurtful. I am still after 10 yrs dealing with the emotional trauma but I can tell you little by little as I place each thought and flashback that comes to my mind into the hands of Jesus , I am rest assured that He is able to wash away all the guilt that I have and put it into the sea of forgetfulness. What an awesome God we serve.

I could have been a statistic on medication and even to the point of being in an instititution but for the comfort that I received from Christ. It is not an easy road but I know that all things work together for good and that Christ and the Holy Spirit lead and guide and , I don't have to be fearful any more.

I have put my complete trust in the Lord Jesus Christ... waiting upon Him for answers and know that He alone is my sourse. He is first in my life.

The main thing is , I have forgiven my abuser and I have forgiven myself and that is where the rubber meets the road when you can forgive yourself.

Boanerges · 05-02-2008, 02:04 PM

I see Jesus in your heart Mom!

Dusty · 05-02-2008, 02:41 PM

That is my purpose in life to help some one else so that he or she may see the fullnes of the Saviour's love and embrace His mercy and His grace.

05-03-2008, 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boanerges

I see Jesus in your heart Mom!

Is she actually your mom? Just curious!

jesusworshipper · 06-07-2008, 10:28 AM

Hi all, just new here.
am separated from my wife of 17 years. we have one child who is just under 16 yrs old.
my church is split ver this. one half wants us to get back together. the other half really dont care so long as they dont have to take sides.
which is great cos i dont want people taking sides.
i have read and reread the scriptures regarding divorce, and like most have found only one statement that applies to divorce being acceptable.
i wonder if anyone can tell me if lack of sexual interaction is actually a form of unfaithfulness?
i dont like pat answers so please think carefully.
the other question that burns at me is this, if the marriage was not a godly marriage to begin with, and the marriage took place with absolutely no reference to God in it at all ( due to the legality of the state we lived in at the time. I was not catholic, and she was, i didnt even believe in God back then, but i was not going to get up in front of a church full of people and make promises to a God i didnt believe existed and so we had a civil ceremony. now does that ceremony actually come under the tradition of marriage or should it be considered a nonevent by the church, because the promises that were made were never upheld, by either of us, and they were not made to God the Creator, nor Jesus whom I love with all my heart now?
It has become obvious to me over the past 10 years that we were in a loveless relationship. i did try counselling. i changed a lot of things that i was / had been doing. i worked very hard at meeting the needs my wife had. but to no avail. she either could not or would not recieve it. so now here i am starting afresh. my child lives with me, she has chosen to do so, and also chooses to not have very much to do with her mother, who has not had time for her in the past either.
my wife ran around making all the right noises about wanting to get back together, but when it came to action, and changing her ways, as was suggested to her by our pastor there was nothing doing.
how can anyone expect God to "fix" something that should never have been in the first place. we were just wrong for each other right from the get go.
always seemed to be in each others way, always tearing the other one down, even in private. it was not a one way street, i was as guilty in my own way as she was.
this all leaves me in a dillemma now because i believe i heard God tell me that there was someone else to come into my life. a very godly friend of mine has been walking along side of me through out the separation and has helped me stay on track as far as my child and my life goes. he has also seen a likeminded and similarly placed lady who would be suited to me, and i to her, providing we work out our "problems" that we have had through our previous realtionships.
now i know tha t it may appear to be a quick move, but i am not a teenager anymore, and my marriage has been dead in the water for at least five years. we just played "not so " happy family for a little too long, until she finally walked out.
comments thoughts and prayers most welcome, so long as you do not ask for a restoration of that broken relationship. i am not willing to re-enter that relationship. i have forgiven, but i have no love for her in that way. truthfully i dont think i ever did. i think it was a case of well i better get married cos i am getting old and i dont want to be left on the shelf all my life.
Love did not develop or grow in our house.
thanks

Housesitter · 06-07-2008, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paradox

Is she actually your mom? Just curious!

They are not actually Mother and Son.

05-02-2008, 12:21 PM	#23 (permalink)
dermasse Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Midwest Posts: 42 Rep Power: 0	If husband and wife are believers and seeking the Lord, there is nothing that cannot be worked out. __________________ Credo Ut Intelligam

05-02-2008, 02:04 PM	#26 (permalink)
Boanerges Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St Rose LA Posts: 16,835 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 18	I see Jesus in your heart Mom! __________________ Because the Lord Jesus died on the Cross, I have received forgiveness of sins; because the Lord Jesus rose from the dead, I have received new life; because the Lord Jesus has been exalted to the right hand of the Father, I have received the outpoured Spirit. All is because of Him; nothing is because of me." Watchman Nee

05-02-2008, 02:41 PM	#27 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,530 Rep Power: 7	That is my purpose in life to help some one else so that he or she may see the fullnes of the Saviour's love and embrace His mercy and His grace. __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz

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05-02-2008, 01:56 AM	#21 (permalink)
Paradox Guest Posts: n/a	You did come across strong, but I think it's awesome to be passionate about stuff. I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, but nothing more. I say emotionally in the sense that I was manipulated to the point of being made the guilty person for everything. And I truely feel guilty for everything. But I don't think that's a good enough reason for me to get a divorce. Even though it still hurts. I have been the victim of both physical and sexual abuse as a child. And I don't think that ANYONE should ever have to endure that. That's why I wonder why the Bible mentions nothing about that as a reason to get a divorce. The Bible just seems silent on some issues.

05-02-2008, 01:59 AM	#22 (permalink)
el Pollo Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Louisburg, NC Posts: 202 Rep Power: 1	A very grieving topic, divorce is. Now that my Yoda impersonation is done, I'd like to chime in on this sad yet real issue. I have been married six years. And when it comes down to it, I would not for one moment let regret creep into my mind. It's not that I feel that God has rendered marriage sacred, it's because I believe God has rendered it sacred. But do problems arise? They sure do. When my wife and I start to argue, we follow a strict guideline of sticking to the point. That was if our kids ever witness our arguments, they see that people don't always agree, and don't need to insult in order to get the point accross. There are often times that if I feel anger swell up, I take a time out. I will remove myself from the situation and go outside. I'll usually sit on the tailgate of my truck for a while before my wife comes out. We then quietly conversate until the problem is resolved. It's my belief that Christ has to be the focus in the marriage. If we place our trust in Christ, He will allow the married couple to experience real love. I also believe that marriage is not 50/50. It's 100/100. You give all, and your spouse gives all. It seems odd to family members and friends that my wife and I are doing so well. My parents divorced when I was two. My dad has been in the picture for a total of about four years in my 29 years of existence. I haven't spoken to him since 1997. No anger on my part. Just wonder. My wife's parents filed divorce literally the day after my wife and I got married. Their excuse was to stay married until after our wedding day. My father-in-law is a believer (although his faith is weakened). He is still single to this day and wonders what went wrong. My mother-in-law has a live-in boyfriend and all of that. So in a sense, my wife and I have examples on how to fail. But with Christ I hope that our bond will never disolve. My prayer to anyone who is going through a divorce is to cling to Christ. Rejection is a human trait, a trait that is not even in our Heavenly Father's vocabulary. To those who are hitting hard times, my prayer is to again cling to Christ. He is the glue that bonds your marriage together. Now that I've said this, I'll go on and read the rest of this thread and hope I didn't step on anyone's toes.

06-07-2008, 10:28 AM	#29 (permalink)
jesusworshipper Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: rural victoria Posts: 3 Blog Entries: 4 Rep Power: 0	Hi all, just new here. am separated from my wife of 17 years. we have one child who is just under 16 yrs old. my church is split ver this. one half wants us to get back together. the other half really dont care so long as they dont have to take sides. which is great cos i dont want people taking sides. i have read and reread the scriptures regarding divorce, and like most have found only one statement that applies to divorce being acceptable. i wonder if anyone can tell me if lack of sexual interaction is actually a form of unfaithfulness? i dont like pat answers so please think carefully. the other question that burns at me is this, if the marriage was not a godly marriage to begin with, and the marriage took place with absolutely no reference to God in it at all ( due to the legality of the state we lived in at the time. I was not catholic, and she was, i didnt even believe in God back then, but i was not going to get up in front of a church full of people and make promises to a God i didnt believe existed and so we had a civil ceremony. now does that ceremony actually come under the tradition of marriage or should it be considered a nonevent by the church, because the promises that were made were never upheld, by either of us, and they were not made to God the Creator, nor Jesus whom I love with all my heart now? It has become obvious to me over the past 10 years that we were in a loveless relationship. i did try counselling. i changed a lot of things that i was / had been doing. i worked very hard at meeting the needs my wife had. but to no avail. she either could not or would not recieve it. so now here i am starting afresh. my child lives with me, she has chosen to do so, and also chooses to not have very much to do with her mother, who has not had time for her in the past either. my wife ran around making all the right noises about wanting to get back together, but when it came to action, and changing her ways, as was suggested to her by our pastor there was nothing doing. how can anyone expect God to "fix" something that should never have been in the first place. we were just wrong for each other right from the get go. always seemed to be in each others way, always tearing the other one down, even in private. it was not a one way street, i was as guilty in my own way as she was. this all leaves me in a dillemma now because i believe i heard God tell me that there was someone else to come into my life. a very godly friend of mine has been walking along side of me through out the separation and has helped me stay on track as far as my child and my life goes. he has also seen a likeminded and similarly placed lady who would be suited to me, and i to her, providing we work out our "problems" that we have had through our previous realtionships. now i know tha t it may appear to be a quick move, but i am not a teenager anymore, and my marriage has been dead in the water for at least five years. we just played "not so " happy family for a little too long, until she finally walked out. comments thoughts and prayers most welcome, so long as you do not ask for a restoration of that broken relationship. i am not willing to re-enter that relationship. i have forgiven, but i have no love for her in that way. truthfully i dont think i ever did. i think it was a case of well i better get married cos i am getting old and i dont want to be left on the shelf all my life. Love did not develop or grow in our house. thanks