Actually a question.

Tarantula · 01-22-2008, 03:14 PM

I assume asking any question in a Christian forum is futile, as the reply will always be "talk to God about it", lets face it, but I'll put it out anyway.
I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now (as of the end of the month, in fact). She wasn't christian when we first met, but I took her to an event called Soul Survivor (don't know if anybody knows about it) and gave her life to Christ. Unluckily, she didn't receive much decent teaching, and I'm not in a good place to do so, and she has slowly slipped away. She believes in God but is very, uh, liberal in what she does. I'm moving in with her at the beginning of February (I'm really not feeling very comfortable about it, but her mum is kicking her out, so we kind of have to, and I'm doing it to support her). Along with that, she works in a bookies. I'm not greatly happy with my job, because of the hours, she offered a job at where she works, but for obvious reasons (not condoning gambling in any sort), I had to turn it down a number of times. I love her, a lot I really do, but she has no problem with what she does, she feels no remorse for the sins she does, or the ones she helps cause (gambling) and she often turns to anger quite quickly. I want to help her so much, but we are slowly drifting apart, and for the first time, I've started seeing others (females obviously) as attractive, particularly a friend of mine who lives an hour away, though she knows how I feel (its a long story but my girlfriend banned me from talking to her because I got on with her better as a friend than I did with my g/f). I've never done that WHILST in a relationship before. For that reason I feel I've wronged her. But, moreover, I want her to see the errors of her ways. Either that or I need to find someone who knows what they do and when they do wrong. What should I do?
My, my. That was long.
Should I break up with her, should I pray and pray and pray until God finally goes "OK, I'll make her see the light (that is, to say, the penny has dropped, not to die aka light at the end of the tunnel)", should I talk to her about how I feel about what she does and what we intend to do. I told her initially I had no problems with us moving in together. Now, it's getting late.

Boanerges · 01-22-2008, 03:47 PM

Just curious, if you don't expect an answer why ask?
You did a good thing leading this young lady to a place where she could be touched by God. Why did you stop? Find a good church and expose her(and you) to the Word of God and the love that can only be found in the presence of God. There is nothing to compare to the reality of being touched by God almighty Himself and it is obvious that your girlfriend was drawn to Jesus the first time she was exposed. The bible teaches that we reap what we sow. If we plant corn we grow corn, itf we plant wheat we grow wheat. Why not spend some time sowing the Word and love of God into both of your hearts.
Do you really want me to address living with her. If you know God you already know that is not His plan for either of you. It is much easier to bring someone to Christ then to change them yourself as this is the job of the Holy Spirit. When someone has a face to face encounter with the very Living God all ones desires began to change and that one is lead into repentance . As we surrender our lives to the one who loves us most we find peace, joy and freedom that can be experienced nowhere else.
There is a hole in every heart shaped just like Jesus. As long as that remains empty we wander about aimlessly trying to fill those empty spots with everything the world has to offer. We get what we strive for and a few minutes later we realize we are empty again. Only Jesus can fill your hearts my friend as we were created to intimately fellowship with God, anyhting else is contrary to our very purpose.
I believe firmly in the power of prayer and will be praying for you both.
Much love and many blessings IN Jesus Christ, brother larry.

Tarantula · 01-22-2008, 04:08 PM

The problem is, I don't think I'll ever find a church I am happy with. There is so much hypocrisy and corruption (in incorrect leading) particularly in the British area of the Church, that I don't want her being led wrong. I feel it's because the Church is too afraid of the Government's control. Oh the days of Theocracy.

Boanerges · 01-22-2008, 04:23 PM

Well there is good news brother- if there are hypocrites out there Chruch is the place they need to go to if they are ever to be helped. Spending time with God will cause us to be humble and bring us to the realization the true strenght is found only in total dependance on Him.
God admonishes us in His Word to not forsake the assembling of the brethren- at church we are edified and built up in our faith. I would reccomend praying anfd asking God where He would have you attend. There are many churches that meet in small home groups and that is a good place to study the Word ( God's love letter to us) and meet and fellowship with our Christian family. It is obvious that your girlfriend has reacted well to God in the past and needs more exposure to Him and His Word. This is both hers and yours greatest need.
When I go to church I am often oblivious to those around me as I come to do what I really came for- I get lost in worshipping God. By the time I am finished pouring my heart out in worship and receiving His love back I can see others thru His eyes. He loves the hypocrite, He loves the lost , He loves those who are bound and it is His greatest pleausre to use us to reach those people for Him.
I pray God gives you wisdom, your brother Larry.

Pastor Gary · 01-22-2008, 04:30 PM

Tarantula, there are resources for you to use in order to discern which church may be what you are looking for.

There are directories located below for Blackpool, Lancaster and Barrow-in-Furness. These may be close to your home area, so perhaps one of the listings may assist you in your search:

Google Directory - Regional*>*Europe*>*United*Kingdom*>*England*>*Lan cashire*>*Blackpool*>*Society*and*Culture*>*Religi on

Blackpool :: A Church Near You :: Find a church in your area

Lancaster :: A Church Near You :: Find a church in your area

Barrow-in-Furness :: A Church Near You :: Find a church in your area

Good luck in your search.

Tarantula · 01-22-2008, 05:48 PM

Thank you both of you. Unluckily, those places are generally in the North of England, and I live in the "Deep South" of Berkshire, only one county away from the southern coast of Hampshire.

Housesitter · 01-22-2008, 05:57 PM

There are some excellent churches in Berkshire and indeed in Hampshire.
I will not recommend any specific church although living in Sussex I know many of the churches in that area.
This forum is not an appropriate place for me to name specific churches.
I suspect you have either not really looked at all of them or you are expecting perfection. You will never find perfection in any church. It is made up of sinners. But you will find sound teaching, fellowship and a place to grow in your faith.

BreathOfGod · 01-22-2008, 06:00 PM

I don't even know where to start typing.

Please take everything I am saying seriously and not as just being critical.

1) Don't move in together. There are many, many reasons for this and not just spiritual. Couples who co-habitate are more likely to divorce later on than couple who do not. Don't just take my word for it. Go read some of the research literature out there on living together before marriage. You will find enormously more negative than positive things. I don't have the time right now, or I would provide you with tons of sources. I honestly believe that living together before marriage is like setting yourself up for failure. There must be some place else your girlfriend can go live if her mom is kicking her out. And that is a whole different issue there..... why is her mom kicking her out? Normally parents don't just say "you are grown and have a job, so get out." Usually it is because their adult/ semi-adult children are not able to abide by the rules of the house. You don't have to tell me the reasons she is being kicked out-- just think about it yourself and contemplate if this is a woman that you think you should be with.

2) You mention that your gf became a Christian and now is turning away from a lack of positive Christian mentoring. I believe that this is a big problem everywhere. BUT.... do you really want to find yourself married to a non-believer one day? Is it possible that she never truly committed herself to God in the first place? You mention that she has no remorse for her sins. I realize that coming to Christ does not mean that people change overnight, but to have no remorse is still bothersome. When you come to Christ you are supposed to repent of your sins. Has she ever recognized her sin nature and repented? (By the way, ALL my questions are rhetorical. They are things for you to contemplate and answer honestly within yourself.)

3) There are a lot of things that you mention about your gf that are bothersome to me. Normally, I wouldn't care, but from your other posts you seem to be a decent guy who has his head on straight. I just hate to see you make the same mistakes in relationships that I have. There are things you write about your gf that sound similar to the guys that I have wound up with. Quick to anger. No remorse. Liberal. "Christian." Jealous. Etc. (Although sometimes jealousy is justifiable and an individual should listen to their significant others opinion on staying away from certain others.) Notice I put Christian in quotes. I did so because it seems like these people are making a commitment to Christ and in reality there is no commitment nor desire for one. Anyone can say a prayer and profess to be a Christian, but it doesn't necessarily make them so.

4) You are questioning about if you should break up with her. You admit that you are finding other females attractive (especially a certain female). You say that you are finding that you and your gf are drifting apart. I would say that maybe it is time for you to end it. You are not married to her (otherwise I'd suggest counseling). Moving in would be a bad idea, and you are uncomfortable with the idea anyhow. I would break things off now before it is too late and things have gone too far. Can you imagine what it would be like trying to end things with her while sharing a living space? She might very well walk out and take all your property with her. Or put your clothes in the bathtub and pour bleach on them. (This stuff happens, and you said she has anger issues.)

Anyhow, I'll stop babbling now. If you want, I can delete my post and tell you to just pray.

But, you know that you should be praying anyhow. Have you ever thought that God has been whispering to you about this girl all along and you were just too infatuated to hear him? Sometimes God whispers, but we are so focused on what we want rather than what God wants that we ignore him.

Tarantula · 01-22-2008, 06:20 PM

I think a Christian forum is as good a-place as any to mention churches. It's not so much seeking perfection, rather, its seeking honestly. Your point about sinners is true though. I just don't want to end up church hopping. My town is quite small, and is generally an older population. They are very backward, stubborn and traditional (and probably expects gays to be burned at the stake etc etc).

Thank you Bookworm, that advise was very sound, and I will pray about it. She isn't as angry like you describing, she's not a psycho. Just pretty impatient (and I need patience), she has a lot of patience, but I'm very demanding in that way unluckily. The problem is, sorry I didn't describe this before is, she has no problem with me. She loves me no end, and has no intentions on ever walking out on me. She is being kicked out because her step-dad is a bastard (in the non literal sense) and as she is not his actual daughter, he doesn't want to have to "pay" for her (even though she pays for all her own food transport, and never is welcome at the table with her mum, step-dad and half sister). She feels very unwelcome in her own family, and I can't blame her for wanting to leave, her mum doesn't want her out really, but goes with what the step-dad says cause my g/f is nearly 20, they want us to break up and for her to go to university. She hasn't actually done anything wrong. I used to hear from God a lot. I believe I've encountered an angel during a stint of extremely painful depression and praying for hours on end. He used to talk to me so much, in a way where we could almost have a conversation. I don't know when it stopped exactly, or why. It was just very suddenly.

Housesitter · 01-22-2008, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tarantula

I think a Christian forum is as good a-place as any to mention churches. It's not so much seeking perfection, rather, its seeking honestly. Your point about sinners is true though. I just don't want to end up church hopping. My town is quite small, and is generally an older population. They are very backward, stubborn and traditional (and probably expects gays to be burned at the stake etc etc).

You may indeed think this is a good place to mention churches by name but then you only joined this evening. We do not condem other churches on this forum and therefore for me to say which I believe are good churches in your area would mean i was saying I did not personally like those I did not mentioned. As a moderator that would be unacceptable.
However if you are genuine in wanting to find a church send me a pm. Tell me where you live and what type of church you are looking for. By type I mean do you want a quiet traditional service or do you want a lively service? That sort of thing. Also tell me where you tried and what was wrong there. I will be happy to reply by pm.
You may end up having to travel a bit to get to church but that is a small price to pay.

01-22-2008, 03:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
Tarantula Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: England Posts: 20 Rep Power: 0	Actually a question. I assume asking any question in a Christian forum is futile, as the reply will always be "talk to God about it", lets face it, but I'll put it out anyway. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now (as of the end of the month, in fact). She wasn't christian when we first met, but I took her to an event called Soul Survivor (don't know if anybody knows about it) and gave her life to Christ. Unluckily, she didn't receive much decent teaching, and I'm not in a good place to do so, and she has slowly slipped away. She believes in God but is very, uh, liberal in what she does. I'm moving in with her at the beginning of February (I'm really not feeling very comfortable about it, but her mum is kicking her out, so we kind of have to, and I'm doing it to support her). Along with that, she works in a bookies. I'm not greatly happy with my job, because of the hours, she offered a job at where she works, but for obvious reasons (not condoning gambling in any sort), I had to turn it down a number of times. I love her, a lot I really do, but she has no problem with what she does, she feels no remorse for the sins she does, or the ones she helps cause (gambling) and she often turns to anger quite quickly. I want to help her so much, but we are slowly drifting apart, and for the first time, I've started seeing others (females obviously) as attractive, particularly a friend of mine who lives an hour away, though she knows how I feel (its a long story but my girlfriend banned me from talking to her because I got on with her better as a friend than I did with my g/f). I've never done that WHILST in a relationship before. For that reason I feel I've wronged her. But, moreover, I want her to see the errors of her ways. Either that or I need to find someone who knows what they do and when they do wrong. What should I do? My, my. That was long. Should I break up with her, should I pray and pray and pray until God finally goes "OK, I'll make her see the light (that is, to say, the penny has dropped, not to die aka light at the end of the tunnel)", should I talk to her about how I feel about what she does and what we intend to do. I told her initially I had no problems with us moving in together. Now, it's getting late.

01-22-2008, 03:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
Boanerges Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St Rose LA Posts: 16,681 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 18	Just curious, if you don't expect an answer why ask? You did a good thing leading this young lady to a place where she could be touched by God. Why did you stop? Find a good church and expose her(and you) to the Word of God and the love that can only be found in the presence of God. There is nothing to compare to the reality of being touched by God almighty Himself and it is obvious that your girlfriend was drawn to Jesus the first time she was exposed. The bible teaches that we reap what we sow. If we plant corn we grow corn, itf we plant wheat we grow wheat. Why not spend some time sowing the Word and love of God into both of your hearts. Do you really want me to address living with her. If you know God you already know that is not His plan for either of you. It is much easier to bring someone to Christ then to change them yourself as this is the job of the Holy Spirit. When someone has a face to face encounter with the very Living God all ones desires began to change and that one is lead into repentance . As we surrender our lives to the one who loves us most we find peace, joy and freedom that can be experienced nowhere else. There is a hole in every heart shaped just like Jesus. As long as that remains empty we wander about aimlessly trying to fill those empty spots with everything the world has to offer. We get what we strive for and a few minutes later we realize we are empty again. Only Jesus can fill your hearts my friend as we were created to intimately fellowship with God, anyhting else is contrary to our very purpose. I believe firmly in the power of prayer and will be praying for you both. Much love and many blessings IN Jesus Christ, brother larry. Last edited by Boanerges; 01-22-2008 at 04:03 PM. Reason: spelling

01-22-2008, 05:57 PM	#7 (permalink)
Housesitter Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: England Posts: 3,492 Rep Power: 5	There are some excellent churches in Berkshire and indeed in Hampshire. I will not recommend any specific church although living in Sussex I know many of the churches in that area. This forum is not an appropriate place for me to name specific churches. I suspect you have either not really looked at all of them or you are expecting perfection. You will never find perfection in any church. It is made up of sinners. But you will find sound teaching, fellowship and a place to grow in your faith. __________________ Ray Enjoy a rent free holiday with Christian House Sitters www.christian-housesitters.com

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01-22-2008, 04:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
Tarantula Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: England Posts: 20 Rep Power: 0	The problem is, I don't think I'll ever find a church I am happy with. There is so much hypocrisy and corruption (in incorrect leading) particularly in the British area of the Church, that I don't want her being led wrong. I feel it's because the Church is too afraid of the Government's control. Oh the days of Theocracy.

01-22-2008, 04:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
Boanerges Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St Rose LA Posts: 16,681 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 18	Well there is good news brother- if there are hypocrites out there Chruch is the place they need to go to if they are ever to be helped. Spending time with God will cause us to be humble and bring us to the realization the true strenght is found only in total dependance on Him. God admonishes us in His Word to not forsake the assembling of the brethren- at church we are edified and built up in our faith. I would reccomend praying anfd asking God where He would have you attend. There are many churches that meet in small home groups and that is a good place to study the Word ( God's love letter to us) and meet and fellowship with our Christian family. It is obvious that your girlfriend has reacted well to God in the past and needs more exposure to Him and His Word. This is both hers and yours greatest need. When I go to church I am often oblivious to those around me as I come to do what I really came for- I get lost in worshipping God. By the time I am finished pouring my heart out in worship and receiving His love back I can see others thru His eyes. He loves the hypocrite, He loves the lost , He loves those who are bound and it is His greatest pleausre to use us to reach those people for Him. I pray God gives you wisdom, your brother Larry.

01-22-2008, 04:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
Pastor Gary Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Florida, Michigan, Alabama, Tennessee and Wisconsin seasonally. Posts: 4,818 Rep Power: 6	Tarantula, there are resources for you to use in order to discern which church may be what you are looking for. There are directories located below for Blackpool, Lancaster and Barrow-in-Furness. These may be close to your home area, so perhaps one of the listings may assist you in your search: Google Directory - Regional>Europe>UnitedKingdom>England>Lan cashire>Blackpool>SocietyandCulture>*Religi on Blackpool :: A Church Near You :: Find a church in your area Lancaster :: A Church Near You :: Find a church in your area Barrow-in-Furness :: A Church Near You :: Find a church in your area Good luck in your search.

01-22-2008, 05:48 PM	#6 (permalink)
Tarantula Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: England Posts: 20 Rep Power: 0	Thank you both of you. Unluckily, those places are generally in the North of England, and I live in the "Deep South" of Berkshire, only one county away from the southern coast of Hampshire.

01-22-2008, 06:00 PM	#8 (permalink)
BreathOfGod Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 622 Blog Entries: 9 Rep Power: 1	I don't even know where to start typing. Please take everything I am saying seriously and not as just being critical. 1) Don't move in together. There are many, many reasons for this and not just spiritual. Couples who co-habitate are more likely to divorce later on than couple who do not. Don't just take my word for it. Go read some of the research literature out there on living together before marriage. You will find enormously more negative than positive things. I don't have the time right now, or I would provide you with tons of sources. I honestly believe that living together before marriage is like setting yourself up for failure. There must be some place else your girlfriend can go live if her mom is kicking her out. And that is a whole different issue there..... why is her mom kicking her out? Normally parents don't just say "you are grown and have a job, so get out." Usually it is because their adult/ semi-adult children are not able to abide by the rules of the house. You don't have to tell me the reasons she is being kicked out-- just think about it yourself and contemplate if this is a woman that you think you should be with. 2) You mention that your gf became a Christian and now is turning away from a lack of positive Christian mentoring. I believe that this is a big problem everywhere. BUT.... do you really want to find yourself married to a non-believer one day? Is it possible that she never truly committed herself to God in the first place? You mention that she has no remorse for her sins. I realize that coming to Christ does not mean that people change overnight, but to have no remorse is still bothersome. When you come to Christ you are supposed to repent of your sins. Has she ever recognized her sin nature and repented? (By the way, ALL my questions are rhetorical. They are things for you to contemplate and answer honestly within yourself.) 3) There are a lot of things that you mention about your gf that are bothersome to me. Normally, I wouldn't care, but from your other posts you seem to be a decent guy who has his head on straight. I just hate to see you make the same mistakes in relationships that I have. There are things you write about your gf that sound similar to the guys that I have wound up with. Quick to anger. No remorse. Liberal. "Christian." Jealous. Etc. (Although sometimes jealousy is justifiable and an individual should listen to their significant others opinion on staying away from certain others.) Notice I put Christian in quotes. I did so because it seems like these people are making a commitment to Christ and in reality there is no commitment nor desire for one. Anyone can say a prayer and profess to be a Christian, but it doesn't necessarily make them so. 4) You are questioning about if you should break up with her. You admit that you are finding other females attractive (especially a certain female). You say that you are finding that you and your gf are drifting apart. I would say that maybe it is time for you to end it. You are not married to her (otherwise I'd suggest counseling). Moving in would be a bad idea, and you are uncomfortable with the idea anyhow. I would break things off now before it is too late and things have gone too far. Can you imagine what it would be like trying to end things with her while sharing a living space? She might very well walk out and take all your property with her. Or put your clothes in the bathtub and pour bleach on them. (This stuff happens, and you said she has anger issues.) Anyhow, I'll stop babbling now. If you want, I can delete my post and tell you to just pray. But, you know that you should be praying anyhow. Have you ever thought that God has been whispering to you about this girl all along and you were just too infatuated to hear him? Sometimes God whispers, but we are so focused on what we want rather than what God wants that we ignore him.

01-22-2008, 06:20 PM	#9 (permalink)
Tarantula Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: England Posts: 20 Rep Power: 0	I think a Christian forum is as good a-place as any to mention churches. It's not so much seeking perfection, rather, its seeking honestly. Your point about sinners is true though. I just don't want to end up church hopping. My town is quite small, and is generally an older population. They are very backward, stubborn and traditional (and probably expects gays to be burned at the stake etc etc). Thank you Bookworm, that advise was very sound, and I will pray about it. She isn't as angry like you describing, she's not a psycho. Just pretty impatient (and I need patience), she has a lot of patience, but I'm very demanding in that way unluckily. The problem is, sorry I didn't describe this before is, she has no problem with me. She loves me no end, and has no intentions on ever walking out on me. She is being kicked out because her step-dad is a bastard (in the non literal sense) and as she is not his actual daughter, he doesn't want to have to "pay" for her (even though she pays for all her own food transport, and never is welcome at the table with her mum, step-dad and half sister). She feels very unwelcome in her own family, and I can't blame her for wanting to leave, her mum doesn't want her out really, but goes with what the step-dad says cause my g/f is nearly 20, they want us to break up and for her to go to university. She hasn't actually done anything wrong. I used to hear from God a lot. I believe I've encountered an angel during a stint of extremely painful depression and praying for hours on end. He used to talk to me so much, in a way where we could almost have a conversation. I don't know when it stopped exactly, or why. It was just very suddenly.