Dusty's Jokes

Dusty · 08-02-2007, 02:40 AM

I just thought that instead of taking a new thread each time that I would post all of mine here.

Can You Sleep While the Wind Blows?

Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired hands.
Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms that
raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops.

As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a steady stream of refusals.

Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farm hand?"
the farmer asked him.

"Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man.

Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, hired him. The little man worked
well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.

Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore.
Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!"
The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm.
To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were
in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down.

Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed
to also sleep while the wind blew.

When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically, you have nothing to fear.
Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life?
The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he had secured the farm against the storm.
We secure ourselves against the storms of life by grounding ourselves in the Word of God.
We don't need to understand, we just need to hold His hand to have peace in the middle of storms.

I hope you enjoy your day and that you sleep well.

sky · 08-02-2007, 07:17 AM

Thanks Dusty!

violet · 08-02-2007, 07:47 AM

Dusty, I love this!
What a lesson!!!

Dusty · 08-02-2007, 12:35 PM

This also is not a joke but a message with a meaning and get your tissues.

RED MARBLES
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early
> > > > >>>potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature,
> > > > >ragged
> > > > >>>but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green
> >peas.
> > > > >>>I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh
> > > > >green
> > > > >>>peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.
> > > > Pondering
> > > > >the
> > > > >>>peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr.
> >Miller
> > > > >>>(the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me. 'Hello Barry, how
> > > > >>>are
> > > > >you
> > > > >>>today?' 'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them
> > > > peas.
> > > > >
> > > > >>>They sure look good.' 'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'
> > > > 'Fine.
> > > > >
> > > > >>>Gittin' stronger alla' time.' 'Good. Anything I can help you with?'
> > > > >'No,
> > > > >>>Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.' 'Would you like to take some home?'
> > > > >>>asked Mr. Miller. 'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'
> >'Well,
> > > > >>>what have you to trade me for some of those peas?' 'All I got's my
> > > > >prize marble
> > > > >>>here.' 'Is that right? Let me see it' said Miller. 'Here 'tis..
> > > > >She's
> > > > >>>a dandy.' 'I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue
> > > > >and I
> > > > >>>sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the
> > > > >>>store owner asked. 'Not zackley but almost.' 'Tell you what. Take
> > > > >>>this
> > > > >
> > > > >>>sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at
> >that
> > > > >red marble'
> > > > >>>. Mr. Miller told the boy. 'Sure will.. Thanks Mr. Miller.' Mrs.
> > > > >>>Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a
> > > > >smile
> > > > >>>she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all
> > > > >three
> > > > >>>are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them
> > > > >for
> > > > >>>peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their
> > > > >red
> > > > >>>marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after
> >all
> > > > >>>and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or
> >an
> > > > >>>orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.' I left
> > > > >the store
> > > > >>>smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I
> > > > >moved
> > > > >>>toColorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and
> > > > >>>their bartering for marbles. Several years went by, each more rapid
> > > > >>>than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some
> > > > >>>old
> > > > >
> > > > >>>friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that
> > > > Mr.
> > > > >Miller had
> > > > >>>died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my
> > > > >>>friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at
> > > > >the
> > > > >>>mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased
> >and
> > > > >>>to offer whatever words of comfort we could Ahead of us in line
> >were
> > > > >three
> > > > >>>young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice
> > > > >>>haircuts, dark suits and white shirts....all very professional
> > > > >looking.
> > > > >>>They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her
> > > > >>>husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on
> > > > >>>the
> > > > >
> > > > >>>cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty
> > > > >>>light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man
> >stopped
> > > > >>>briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the
> > > > >>>casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes. Our turn
> > > > >came to meet Mrs.
> > > > >>>Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from
> > > > >>>those
> > > > >
> > > > >>>many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's
> >bartering
> > > > >>>for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me
> > > > >>>to
> > > > >
> > > > >>>the casket. 'Those three young men who just left were the boys I
> >told
> > > > >>>you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim
> > > > >'traded'
> > > > >>>them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color
> > > > >or
> > > > >>>size....they came to pay their debt.' 'We've never had a great deal
> > > > >>>of
> > > > >
> > > > >>>the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would
> > > > >>>consider himself the richest man in Idaho .' With loving gentleness
> > > > >she lifted the
> > > > >>>lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were
> > > > >three
> > > > >>>exquisitely shined red marbles. The Moral : We will not be
> > > > >remembered by
> > > > >>>our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the
> > > > >>>breaths
> > > > >
> > > > >>>we take, but by the moments that take our breath.> > >

Dusty · 08-02-2007, 01:42 PM

This one will have you laughing

PECANS IN THE CEMETERY

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree
> >just inside the cemetery fence.
> >
> >One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by
> >the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
> >
> >"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.
> >Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
> >
> >Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he
> >passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down
> >to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One
> >for you, one for me."
> >
> >He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
> >
> >Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
> >
> >"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard!
> > Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
> >
> >The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
> >When the boy insisted though, the man
> >hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
> >
> >Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for
> >you, one for me..."
> >
> >The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth.
> >Let's see if we can see the Lord."
> >
> >Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still
> >unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron
> >bars
> >of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the
> >Lord.
> >
> >At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's
> >go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."
> >
> >Rumor has it that the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead
> >of the kid on the bike.
> >
> >Smile, God Loves You!!!
> >

violet · 08-02-2007, 02:35 PM

Red Marbles~I have tears in my eyes!
Why can't everyone be this kind!

Dusty · 08-03-2007, 12:41 AM

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Dusty · 08-04-2007, 04:45 PM

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE!
>
> A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
> confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
>
> "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of
>minutes
> of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in
>high-powered
> vacuum cleaners." "Go away," said the old lady. "I haven't got any
> money, I'm broke!" As she proceeded to close the door, the young man
> wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too
>hasty,"
> he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And
>with
> that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to her hallway carpet.
>
> "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse
>manure
> from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder. The
>old
> lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a good
> appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
>
> What part of broke do you not understand?
>
>
>

Dusty · 08-06-2007, 01:46 AM

THE SENIOR'S BREAKFAST

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special"
was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good"
my wife said, "But I don't want the eggs".

"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents
because you're ordering a la carte", the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked
incredulously.

"YES!!" stated the waitress.

"I'll take the special".

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw and in the shell", my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home.

DON''T MESS WITH SENIORS !!!
We've been around the block more than once.

Dusty · 08-06-2007, 08:47 PM

Say a little prayer"

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.

"I don't have to," the little boy replied.

"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

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