Dusty's Jokes - Page 40

Dusty · 05-09-2008, 12:30 PM

"I'd like to report a crime"

A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets. After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace.
After about six more weeks, the snail looked back again, and saw that the turtles were still chasing him. And they were getting closer and closer! So, he kept on going as fast as he could.
After another few weeks, the turtles finally caught up with the snail and mugged him, took all of his clothes and the keys to his car. After another couple of weeks, the snail got to a pay phone and called the police. "I've been mugged by three turtles wearing leather jackets! You need to get down here and take a report or do something!" he said.
"Can you give us a description of the turtles?" asked the police officer.
"No, I can't. It all happened too fast!" cried the snail.

Boanerges · 05-09-2008, 12:58 PM

Dusty · 05-10-2008, 06:37 PM

What happened?"

"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
"Well, we went to Six Flags and decided to ride the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track.
I tried to read it, but it was very small, and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I still couldn't see what the sign said.
By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.
"Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!"

Dusty · 05-11-2008, 09:37 PM

"That's my mom"

4 YEARS OF AGE My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE Wish I could talk it over with Mom.....

Dusty · 05-12-2008, 12:27 PM

"Lonely child"

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie

daperfectmix · 05-13-2008, 01:54 AM

"Where did we come from?"

A little girl asked her Mother,
'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered,
'GOD made Adam and Eve and
they had children and so
all mankind was made.'

Two days later the girl
asked her father the same
question.

The father answered,
'Many years ago there were
monkeys from which
the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned
to her mother and said,
'Mom, how is it
possible that you told me the
human race was created by God,
and Daddy said they developed
from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear,
it is very simple. I told you about
my side of the family and
your father told you about his.'

Mark_18 · 05-13-2008, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dusty

"That's my mom"

4 YEARS OF AGE My Mommy can do anything!12 YEARS OF AGE My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
8 YEARS OF AGE My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
18 YEARS OF AGE That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE Wish I could talk it over with Mom.....

We watched a slideshow with this very text on Sunday at church.

Dusty · 05-13-2008, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daperfectmix

"Where did we come from?"

A little girl asked her Mother,
'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered,
'GOD made Adam and Eve and
they had children and so
all mankind was made.'

Two days later the girl
asked her father the same
question.

The father answered,
'Many years ago there were
monkeys from which
the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned
to her mother and said,
'Mom, how is it
possible that you told me the
human race was created by God,
and Daddy said they developed
from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear,
it is very simple. I told you about
my side of the family and
your father told you about his.'

That's cute ..... Thanks

Boanerges · 05-13-2008, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dusty

"That's my mom"

4 YEARS OF AGE My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE Wish I could talk it over with Mom.....

Truer words were never spoken.

Dusty · 05-13-2008, 01:45 PM

Escape"

You are in a steel room with no windows, doors or openings. All you have is a matchbook... how do you get out?
Answer: Strike One! Strike Two! Strike Three...You're Out!

05-09-2008, 12:30 PM	#391 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,530 Rep Power: 7	"I'd like to report a crime" A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets. After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace. After about six more weeks, the snail looked back again, and saw that the turtles were still chasing him. And they were getting closer and closer! So, he kept on going as fast as he could. After another few weeks, the turtles finally caught up with the snail and mugged him, took all of his clothes and the keys to his car. After another couple of weeks, the snail got to a pay phone and called the police. "I've been mugged by three turtles wearing leather jackets! You need to get down here and take a report or do something!" he said. "Can you give us a description of the turtles?" asked the police officer. "No, I can't. It all happened too fast!" cried the snail. __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz

05-09-2008, 12:58 PM	#392 (permalink)
Boanerges Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St Rose LA Posts: 16,835 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 18	__________________ Because the Lord Jesus died on the Cross, I have received forgiveness of sins; because the Lord Jesus rose from the dead, I have received new life; because the Lord Jesus has been exalted to the right hand of the Father, I have received the outpoured Spirit. All is because of Him; nothing is because of me." Watchman Nee

05-10-2008, 06:37 PM	#393 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,530 Rep Power: 7	What happened?" "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, we went to Six Flags and decided to ride the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it, but it was very small, and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I still couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!" __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz

05-11-2008, 09:37 PM	#394 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,530 Rep Power: 7	"That's my mom" 4 YEARS OF AGE My Mommy can do anything! 8 YEARS OF AGE My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot! 12 YEARS OF AGE My Mother doesn't really know quite everything. 14 YEARS OF AGE Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either. 16 YEARS OF AGE Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned. 18 YEARS OF AGE That old woman? She's way out of date! 25 YEARS OF AGE Well, she might know a little bit about it. 35 YEARS OF AGE Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion. 45 YEARS OF AGE Wonder what Mom would have thought about it? 65 YEARS OF AGE Wish I could talk it over with Mom..... __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz

05-12-2008, 12:27 PM	#395 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,530 Rep Power: 7	"Lonely child" Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz

05-13-2008, 01:54 AM	#396 (permalink)
daperfectmix Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Maryland Posts: 25 Rep Power: 0	"Where did we come from?" A little girl asked her Mother, 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'GOD made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made.' Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.' The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Daddy said they developed from monkeys?' The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

05-13-2008, 01:45 PM	#400 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,530 Rep Power: 7	Escape" You are in a steel room with no windows, doors or openings. All you have is a matchbook... how do you get out? Answer: Strike One! Strike Two! Strike Three...You're Out! __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz

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