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| Humor Jokes and Humor. |
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08-18-2008, 03:07 AM
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#612 | ||
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Jesus is God |
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08-18-2008, 10:52 PM
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#613 | ||
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 10,075
Rep Power: 12  |
In Honour of Stupid People . . .
>> In case you needed further proof that the >>human race is doomed >> through stupidity, here are some actual label >>instructions on >> consumer goods. >> >> >> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on >>bottom) -- >> 'Do not turn upside down.' >> (well...duh, a bit late, huh!) >> >> >> ========================== >> >> >> On Sainsbury's peanuts -- >> 'Warning: contains nuts.' >> (talk about a news flash) >> >> =========================== >> >> >> >> >> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- >> 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery >> after >>taking >> this medication.' >> (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of >>construction accidents if we >> could just get those 5 year-olds with >>head-colds off those bulldozers.) >> >> >> ========================== >> >> >> >> On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- >> 'Product will be hot after heating.' >> (...and you thought????...) >> >> >> ======================= >> >> >> >> On a Sears hairdryer -- >> Do not use while sleeping. >> (That's the only time I have to work on my >>hair.) >> >> ==================================== >> >> >> >> On a bag of Fritos -- >> You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. >> Details inside. >> (the shoplifter special?) >> >> >> >>=========================== >> >> >> On a bar of Dial soap -- >> 'Directions: Use like regular soap.' >> (and that would be???....) >> >> >> ============================ >> >> >> >> >> >> On some Swanson frozen dinners -- >> 'Serving suggestion: Defrost.' >> (but, it's just a suggestion.) >> >> >> >> ======================== >> >> >> >> On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- >> 'Do not iron clothes on body.' >> (but wouldn't this save me time?) >> >> >> >> ============================== >> >> >> >> On Nytol Sleep Aid -- >> 'Warning: May cause drowsiness.' >> (..I'm taking this because???....) >> >> >> ============================== >> >> >> >> >> On most brands of Christmas lights -- >> 'For indoor or outdoor use only.' >> (as opposed to what?) >> >> >> ========================== >> >> >> >> On a Japanese food processor -- >> 'Not to be used for the other use.' >> (now, somebody out there, help me on this. >> I'm >>a bit curious.) >> >> >> ============================== >> >> >> >> On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- >> 'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.' >> (Step 3: say what?) >> >> >> =========================== >> >> >> >> >> On a child's Superman costume -- >> 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you >>to fly.' >> (I don't blame the company. I blame the >>parents for this one.) >> >> >> ======================== >> >>>> >> >> >> >> >> ****Blessed are the cracked: for it is >>they who let in the light***** >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>
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 Faith makes a ChristianTrials prove a Christian Love confirms a Christian But death crowns a Christian |
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08-18-2008, 11:03 PM
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#614 | ||
 
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It is about time we had some new jokes!
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Anything that dims my vision for Christ, or takes away my taste for Bible study, or cramps me in my prayer life, or makes Christian work difficult, is wrong for me; and I must, as a Christian turn away from it. – J. Wilbur Chapman |
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08-19-2008, 12:34 AM
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#615 | ||
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the warning on the nuts is highly disturbing (i think so any way) another one is "THis product may contain traces of nuts or other nut meats" well if i am buying a tin of nuts i sure hope it has alot more than just traces or ill be somthin mad.
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7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. |
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08-19-2008, 02:18 PM
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#616 | |||
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 10,075
Rep Power: 12 |
Quote:
He he  This one will make you say eek.....  "Cemetary visitor"
A visitor to the graveyard couldn't help noticing a man kneeling in front of a gravestone, clasping his hands and sobbing. The visitor went a bit closer and could hear what the man was saying. 'Why did you have to die?' he was repeating, 'Why did you have to die?' Feeling he ought to do something, the visitor laid his hand on the man's shoulder. 'Was it someone you loved very much?' he asked gently. The man looked up at him and said, 'no, I never met him, he was my wife's first husband.'
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Faith makes a ChristianTrials prove a Christian Love confirms a Christian But death crowns a Christian |
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08-19-2008, 02:56 PM
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#617 | ||
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OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Anything that dims my vision for Christ, or takes away my taste for Bible study, or cramps me in my prayer life, or makes Christian work difficult, is wrong for me; and I must, as a Christian turn away from it. – J. Wilbur Chapman |
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08-20-2008, 11:26 AM
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#618 | ||
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Senior Member
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MUMMY! I missed your jokes!!
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You just don't forget the dead.. Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.  http://devoted-to-the-most-high.blogspot.com/ If God is the DJ, then Life is the dance floor, Love is the Rhythm, and You are the music. 
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08-20-2008, 01:53 PM
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#619 | |||
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 10,075
Rep Power: 12 |
Quote:
__________________
Faith makes a ChristianTrials prove a Christian Love confirms a Christian But death crowns a Christian |
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08-20-2008, 01:58 PM
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#620 | ||
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 10,075
Rep Power: 12 |
"Missing cow"
A big city lawyer was called in on a case between a farmer and the railroad company. A farmer noticed that his prize cow was missing from the field which the railroad passed through. He filed suit against the railroad company for the value of the cow. The case was to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney immediately cornered the farmer and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and the farmer finally agreed to take half of what he was claiming to settle the case. After the farmer signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't help but gloat a little over his success. He said to the farmer, "You know, I hate to tell you this but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your farm that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand." The old farmer replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself because that durned cow came home this morning!"
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Faith makes a ChristianTrials prove a Christian Love confirms a Christian But death crowns a Christian |
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There is a lot of wisdom in this parable. I will keep it in mind so I could sleep too when the wind blows.
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