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06-23-2008, 06:07 PM
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#491 | |||
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8,651
Rep Power: 10
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He he!!!!  We seem to be on a roll today my son.
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 My only hope is that I shall be clothed with the righteousnessof Jesus Christ. -- M. Lloyd-Jones |
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06-23-2008, 07:17 PM
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#492 | ||
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 129
Rep Power: 1
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Lol. This is my first time reading this thead. I just saw your jokes, and all I have to say is
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Romans 10:9-13 -- 9That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 10For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed. 12For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. 13For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. Acts 4:12 -- Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved. John 3:17 -- For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. John 14:6 -- Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. Whoever makes fun of these Scriptures is not going to have the last laugh, I can guarantee you that! This a very serious matter of utmost gravity and sincerity. Your life hangs in the balance. Believe on the name of the Lord and be saved. Read what Romans 10 says above and do that proceedure. Become one of HIS saints. |
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06-24-2008, 12:00 AM
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#493 | ||
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8,651
Rep Power: 10
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Welcome .... Vancouver . This has been here for a long time. Hey, I was in your fair city in March. I have a cousin that lives near Granville Island.
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My only hope is that I shall be clothed with the righteousnessof Jesus Christ. -- M. Lloyd-Jones |
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06-24-2008, 01:12 PM
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#494 | ||
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8,651
Rep Power: 10
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"Get well soon" A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence. "Get well quick ..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
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My only hope is that I shall be clothed with the righteousnessof Jesus Christ. -- M. Lloyd-Jones |
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06-24-2008, 01:33 PM
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#495 | ||
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Senior Member
 
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“Neither skill nor knowledge is needed to go to God, all that is necessary is a heart dedicated entirely and solely to Him out of love for Him above all others.” Brother Lawrence |
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06-25-2008, 12:41 PM
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#496 | ||
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8,651
Rep Power: 10
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"Pebble Beach"
A golfer, well into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is on a spit of land that juts out off the coast. It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball always fell short, into the ocean. Because of this he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick. Recently he went to Pebble Beach to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball and said a silent prayer. Before he hit it however, a powerful voice from above said, "WAIT... REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND-NEW BALL." He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that the Lord seemed to be implying that He was going to let him finally achieve his lifelong ambition. As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "WAIT... STEP BACK... TAKE A PRACTICE SWING." So he stepped back and took a practice swing. The voice boomed out again, "TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING." He did. Silence followed. Then the voice spoke out again. "PUT BACK THE OLD BALL."
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My only hope is that I shall be clothed with the righteousnessof Jesus Christ. -- M. Lloyd-Jones |
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06-25-2008, 01:27 PM
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#497 | ||
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Senior Member
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Oh no!
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“Neither skill nor knowledge is needed to go to God, all that is necessary is a heart dedicated entirely and solely to Him out of love for Him above all others.” Brother Lawrence |
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06-26-2008, 01:31 PM
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#498 | ||
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8,651
Rep Power: 10
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"Hearing aid" My wife and I laughed when John, a neighbor, told us how his hearing aid occasionally emits a high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him. His granddaughter was sitting on his lap one day when the device started to beep. Surprised, the granddaughter looked up at him and said, "Oh, Grampa, you've got e-mail!"
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My only hope is that I shall be clothed with the righteousnessof Jesus Christ. -- M. Lloyd-Jones |
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06-27-2008, 02:04 PM
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#499 | ||
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 8,651
Rep Power: 10
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"Donations" A tired homemaker opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood who said, "I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what you can." "To be sure," said the beleaguered woman, "I'll give you two boys, two girls, or one of each."
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My only hope is that I shall be clothed with the righteousnessof Jesus Christ. -- M. Lloyd-Jones |
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06-27-2008, 02:28 PM
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#500 | |||
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Senior Member
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Quote:
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“Neither skill nor knowledge is needed to go to God, all that is necessary is a heart dedicated entirely and solely to Him out of love for Him above all others.” Brother Lawrence |
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