Dusty's Jokes - Page 47

Dusty · 06-15-2008, 01:56 PM

Amandaz......You have three choices for your badge. He he ... Choose wisely . He he!!!! I couldn't find very many ..... Number one .......

number two....

or number three....

Dusty · 06-15-2008, 01:59 PM

"You know, dad"

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car.
His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get a hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Dusty · 06-15-2008, 02:39 PM

Amandaz.... Found some more.

Azarias · 06-15-2008, 10:28 PM

I love that one, as a relatively short-haired person myself.

3nails+1cross=4GIVEN · 06-16-2008, 01:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dusty

I like it Amandaz, but I am still looking for a badge for you.

ahahaha =) thanks

Mellow · 06-16-2008, 04:57 AM

Dusty · 06-16-2008, 01:04 PM

"You can take it with you"

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So the rich man began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry Rich Man, but you can't take your wealth with you."

The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him.
The angel reappears and informs the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suit-case with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" But, the man explains to Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord.

Sure enough, Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims...
"You brought pavement?!?"

Dusty · 06-17-2008, 03:25 PM

"The last straw"

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?!"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive, meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Mercedes in the garage, no more country club, and we'll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two smaller homes. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
"Who's that with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
She replies, "Ours is prettier."

Azarias · 06-17-2008, 06:08 PM

"You brought pavement?!?"

Dusty · 06-18-2008, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azarias

"You brought pavement?!?"

He he .

"Ducks in Heaven"

Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule:
Don't hit the ducks.
The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks "The ducks?"
"Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one next to him squawks and soon they're all squawkin to beat the band, and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you'll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy."
After entering the course, the men noted that there was indeed a gaggle of ducks everywhere. Within 15 minutes, one of the guys hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck quacks.
St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asked "Who hit the duck?"
The one who had done it admitted "I did."
Immediately, St. Peter pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. "I told you not to hit the ducks," he said.
"Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity.
The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman than before. St. Peter determined which one had hit the duck by the fear in his face, and cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand.
"I told you not to hit the ducks", he said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity."
The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn't even move for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months of this he still hadn't hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months and had with him a knock-out gorgeous woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled to the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.
The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a sigh and said "What have I done to deserve this?"
The woman responded "I don't know about you, but I hit a duck."

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