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Old 08-13-2007, 03:47 PM   #31
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Tee Hee !!!. Glad you like them. Feel free to post yours.




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Old 08-13-2007, 11:57 PM   #32
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A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to
> >>school.
> >> >>He
> >> >>didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the
> >> >>feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was
> >> >>safe.
> >> >>
> >> >>So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she
> >> >>would
> >> >>please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance,
> >> >>so
> >> >>he
> >> >>probably wouldn't notice her.
> >> >>She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it
> >> >>would
> >> >>be
> >> >>a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
> >> >>
> >> >>The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out
> >> >>following
> >> >>behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he
> >> >>knew.
> >> >>
> >> >>She did this for the whole
> >>week.
> >> >>
> >> >>As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's
> >> >>little
> >> >>
> >> >>friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do
> >> >>every
> >> >>day all week. Finally he said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady
> >> >>following us to school all week? Do you know her?'
> >> >>
> >> >>Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'
> >> >>
> >> >>The friend said, 'Well, who is she?'
> >> >>
> >> >>'That's just Shirley Goodnest,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter
> >> >>Marcy.'
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>'Shirley Goodnest?
> >> >>
> >> >>Who the heck is she and why is she following us?'
> >> >>
> >> >>'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd
> >> >>Psalm
> >> >>
> >> >>with my prayers, 'cuz she worries
> >>about me so much.
> >> >>And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow
> >> >>me
> >> >>all
> >> >>the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'
> >> >>
> >> >>The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine
> >> >>upon
> >> >>you,
> >> >>and be gracious to you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and
> >> >>give
> >> >>
> >> >>you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26) May Shirley
> >> >>Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always.

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Old 08-14-2007, 05:45 PM   #33
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Letters to the Pastor




Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix

Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota

Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City

Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven someday but later than sooner. Love, Ellen. Age 9, Athens

Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville

Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron

Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
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Old 08-16-2007, 02:53 AM   #34
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THE HOMELESSS WOMAN

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner. The woman took out her billfold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some chocolate with it instead of dinner?" "No," I had to stop chocolate years ago, the homeless woman replied.

Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked. "No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight."

The homeless woman was astounded. "Won't your hubby be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, And chocolate."

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Old 08-17-2007, 11:43 PM   #35
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Boat name"



My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway.

"I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted.

When her husband went to the dock for the maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."

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Old 08-20-2007, 01:07 AM   #36
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"Eggplants"

A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25ΒΆ each -- three for a dollar." All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"
Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?"
"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."
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Old 08-20-2007, 09:02 AM   #37
 
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Thanks for all the jokes. I love them.
Ray
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Old 08-20-2007, 12:22 PM   #38
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You're welcome....... Feel free to post jokes here too.

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Old 08-20-2007, 12:55 PM   #39
 
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I pulled these out of the archives:
1. what kind of motorcyle did King David drive?

2. What sport was King David seen playing ?

3. How do we know the apostles had automobiles?

4. Which state in the US is the only state mentioned in the bible?




1. His motorcyle was a truimph- amd David's triump was heard thru out the land
2.tennis- David was known to serve in Saul's court
3. A Honda- the apostles all came in one Accord
4. Arkansas- anrd Noah looked out the Ark An Saw
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Old 08-20-2007, 07:53 PM   #40
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Hey good ones Brother Larry..

Ha Ha
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