Dusty

Blonde gets even.

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards.




What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"




"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of h! Eadlight S is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.




"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.




The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?




I LOVE THIS ONE........... She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"




FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVE N!

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Dusty

"Soap and water"




A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who was known as being an unkempt housekeeper.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside whistled and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"

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Dusty

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Dusty

A young girl asked her mother, 'How did people come to be?'

Her mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve. They had children and thus resulted all mankind.'

The daughter then went to her father with the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys and we developed from them.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me we were created by God and Dad said we came from monkeys?'

Her mother responded, 'Well, dear, I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

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Momma

Very cute....thanks for the chuckle today!

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Momma

Dusty

Welcome to the forum , momma.

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Dusty

"Rules"



There once was a young Puritan man, who had a great deal of difficulty remembering the various rules of conduct in his community. He tried hard, but was constantly being ridiculed because of some breach of etiquette. In desperation, he asked an older man to teach him proper manners. The task was formidable, and the older man's patience grew thin, as he had to repeatedly chastise the younger man for his awkward ways. Finally, on the way into church one Sunday, the younger man started into the building ahead of the older man. He was firmly collared by his elder, who then allowed a lady to go in ahead of both of them.
The young man expressed his regret. The older, losing his temper, screamed, "Canst thou remember nothing? How much easier can it become?" Pointing out the woman who had just entered, he said, "It is I before Thee, except after She!"

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Dusty

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.



After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's expanding salary.



A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.



After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.



Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."



The entire congregation said, "Amen! ."

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Dusty

"Hot air balloon"





A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says:
"Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man, "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "You must work in business."
"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

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Dusty

MISSING HUSBAND

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really angry. She told him, “tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift
in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT
BETTER BE THERE!!”

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife
awoke, she looked out the window, and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on

her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.

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