Dusty's Jokes - Page 35

Mark_18 · 03-21-2008, 10:25 PM

LOL

Was it a blonde couple?

Dusty · 03-22-2008, 12:53 AM

Hey Mark ...... You guys from Manitoba are pretty smart. Ha ha

Dusty · 03-22-2008, 03:20 PM

"Do it again"

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.
Rushing back in, they found Sammy crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking helped.
His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. The little boy was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"

Dusty · 03-23-2008, 02:25 PM

Cat and Mouse

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, 'You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.'

The cat thought for a minute and then said, 'All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.'

God said, 'Say no more.' Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said, 'Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.'

God answered, 'It is done.' All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, 'Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?'

The cat replied, 'Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!'

?

Dusty · 03-23-2008, 04:30 PM

THE RABBIT AND THE BLONDE

A man is driving along a highway
and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver,
a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay,
the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman
driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the
side of the road
and pulls over.
She steps out of the car
and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," !
he explains,
"I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."
The blonde says,
"Don't worry."
She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit,
bends down,
and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..
(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)
(This is bad!)
(It's definitely a Blonde Joke!)
(You know you could just click off
and not read the punch line....)
(You can still delete it)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(Last chance)
(OK, here it is)
It says,
"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."

Boanerges · 03-23-2008, 04:55 PM

That is my all time favorite!

Dusty · 03-25-2008, 12:43 AM

"Feline Physics"

Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food.

Law of Cat Magnetism - All clothes attract cat hair of opposite color in direct proportion to the importance of the occasion for which you are dressing. If you do not own a cat with the requisite hair color, this law will still, somehow, apply.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics - Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching - A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Dusty · 03-25-2008, 03:00 PM

"Escape from the zoo"

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.
After recapturing the kangaroo, the zookeeper put up a ten-foot fence. Again the kangaroo was out the next morning, roaming around the zoo. So the fence was extended to 20 feet. But again the kangaroo was out the next morning.
Frustrated zoo officials built a fence 40 feet high.
A camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How much higher do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet I guess -- unless somebody starts locking the gate!"

Dusty · 03-26-2008, 05:38 PM

"Your fortune"

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell your weight and fortune and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Uh huh," his wife nodded. She then pointed at the card, "Look, it has your weight wrong, too."

Dusty · 03-27-2008, 09:11 PM

"There, there Billy"

A man was walking through the park pushing his son in a stroller.
The child was crying at the top of his voice and try as he might, his father could not calm him down. On the verge of despair he said, "Take it easy, Billy, it'll eventually be okay."
A woman passing stopped to remark, "How nicely you treat Billy. You are such a sweet man, it's very obvious that you love your son very much."
The startled man replied, "Ma'am, I am Billy."

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