Dusty's Jokes - Page 33

Psalm91 · 02-26-2008, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dusty

"Too many seats"

When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theater, he walked over and whispered, "Sorry, sir, but you're allowed only one seat." The man moaned but didn't budge.
"Sir," the usher said more loudly, "if you don't move, I'll have to call the manager." The man moaned again but stayed where he was. The usher left and returned with the manager, who, after several attempts at dislodging the fellow, called the police.
The cop looked at the reclining man and said, "All right, what's your name, joker?"
"Joe," he mumbled.
"And where are you from, Joe?"
Joe responds painfully... "The balcony."

Ouch indeed

Dusty · 02-27-2008, 01:33 PM

MALE BLONDE

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction
>work on scaffolding on the 20 th floor of a building.
>
> They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and
>cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm
>going to jump off this building."
>
> The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again!
>If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
>
>
> The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a
>bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
>
> The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef
>and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
>
>
> The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burrito, and jumped, too.
>
> The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his
>death as well.
>
> At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd
>known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would
>have given it to him again!"
>
> The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him
>tacos or enchiladas ! I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."
>
>
> Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife
>said,
>
>
> "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch"
>

Boanerges · 02-27-2008, 02:02 PM

Dusty · 02-28-2008, 02:19 PM

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts
into his grandpa's room.

"Grandpa, Grandpa," he says excitedly, "as soon as Grandma comes
into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said his grandpa.
"Why should I make a noise like a frog?"

"Because grandma said that as soon as you croak ... we're going to Disneyland!!!"

Boanerges · 02-29-2008, 05:33 PM

15 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1.At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Marijuana' 6. Finish All Your sentences with'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

7. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

10.Sing Along At The Opera.

11. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play
tropical Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because
You have a headache.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!

'14. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards
the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,
'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

Dusty · 02-29-2008, 09:20 PM

Cool Larry...... I like number 8 ... Order a diet water. Thanks.

Dusty · 03-01-2008, 02:11 PM

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER!
You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was.

Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Brian said, "Well, I doub t it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.
So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom:
I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that
read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom

LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

Dusty · 03-02-2008, 07:38 PM

"Sunday School"

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Banarenth · 03-03-2008, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boanerges

6. Finish All Your sentences with'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

Oooo...I will have to remember that one. What a great way to freak people out.

Dusty · 03-03-2008, 01:16 PM

"Cattle drive"

On vacation one year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive.
After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranch owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size.
"One," she replied.
"One?!" I said incredulously.
"And a dog," she added.

So you all I will be gone for ten days and back March 14th so no jokes till then . God Bless.

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