Dusty

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Dusty

A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a fish under his arm:

"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks

"Yes" comes the reply.

"Thank God," says the man "It's his birthday today."
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A man goes to the doctor and says "I think something is wrong with me, every time I poke myself it hurts."

He demonstrates this by poking himself himself in the head, then the belly, then the leg, and then the arm and each time he does he screams "Oooouch!"

"What's wrong with me Doctor? Tell me the worst!" says the man nervously.

The Doctor replies "You have a broken finger".
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adoptivemommy

Dusty, all of those are awesome! They keep me in stitches! Thank you!

Laura

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Forgiveness is His Signature!

Dusty

Hey Laura,

Your welcome. I will try to keep them coming . Feel free to add jokes any time.

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Dusty

Flawed security"

There was an unexpected knock on my door, and like I always do I first opened the peephole and asked, "Who's there?"
"Parcel post, ma'am. I have a package that needs a signature."
"Where's the package?" I asked suspiciously. The deliveryman held it up.
"Could I see some ID?" I said, still not convinced.
"Lady," he replied wearily, "if I wanted to break into your house, I'd probably just use these." And he pulled out the keys I had left in the door.

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Dusty

"Finders keepers"


An elderly married couple who were childhood sweethearts and had settled down in their old neighborhood, are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved, "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, an armored car drives by and a bag of money falls out of the armored car practically at their feet. Sally quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home.
There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars. The husband says, "We've got to give it back."
She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
She says, "No."
The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning."
The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..."
The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out of here."



But of course we Christians would not be dishonest.

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Dusty

Learning numbers"



The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says the little boy.

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Dusty

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Dusty

Children's Science Exam



If you need a laugh, then read through these Children's Science Exam Answers:



Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.



Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.



Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.



Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)

A: Keep it in the cow.



Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All Water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.



Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.



Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get Intercontinental.



Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his Adultery.



Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.



Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g. abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the Borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.



Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie



Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)

A: Nearby.



Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."

A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome



Q: What does the word " benign" mean?'

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.







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adoptivemommy

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Forgiveness is His Signature!