Dusty's Jokes - Page 27

Dusty · 01-30-2008, 03:25 PM

"Welcome to Paris"

A new porter at a Paris hotel was instructed by the manager that it was important to call the guests by their names in order to make them feel welcome, and that the easiest way to find out their name was to look at their luggage.
Armed with this advice, the porter took two guests up to their rooms, put down their bags and said, "I hope you 'ave a very 'appy stay 'ere in Paris, Mr and Mrs Genuine Cow'ide."

Dusty · 01-31-2008, 09:02 PM

"Last will"

The relatives of the family's rich dowager gathered for the reading of her will after her long awaited death.
"Being of sound mind," read the lawyer, "I spent every last cent before I died."

Boanerges · 01-31-2008, 09:07 PM

Wht not? You cannot take it with you!!!

Azarias · 02-01-2008, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dusty

"Welcome to Paris"

A new porter at a Paris hotel was instructed by the manager that it was important to call the guests by their names in order to make them feel welcome, and that the easiest way to find out their name was to look at their luggage.
Armed with this advice, the porter took two guests up to their rooms, put down their bags and said, "I hope you 'ave a very 'appy stay 'ere in Paris, Mr and Mrs Genuine Cow'ide."

Oh oh!

Dusty · 02-04-2008, 01:46 AM

"Perfect Golf Shot "

Bob stood over his tee sot for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his backswing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, "what the heck is taking so long?"
"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse," Bob explained. "I want to make a perfect shot."
"Good greaf "his companion exlaimed. "You don't chance of hitting her from here."

Dusty · 02-04-2008, 02:33 PM

"Flattered"

A pastor was leaving his area and was saying farewell to his congregation at the Church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out. She said "Your successor won't be as good as you." "Nonsense", said the pastor, in a flattered tone. "No, really", said the old lady, "I've been here under five different ministers, and each new one has been worse than the last."

Boanerges · 02-04-2008, 02:53 PM

Oh nooooooooooo!

Dusty · 02-05-2008, 06:08 PM

"Mrs Jones, do you know me?"

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

daperfectmix · 02-05-2008, 08:12 PM

lol! that's a good one

Boanerges · 02-05-2008, 08:13 PM

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode