Dusty's Jokes - Page 21

Dusty · 12-08-2007, 02:29 PM

Rudolf to Blitzen

ccording to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so). Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December.

Female reindeer, however, retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolf to Blitzen.... had to be a female.

We should've known this when when they were able to find their way.

Dusty · 12-11-2007, 03:36 AM

New number"

We telemarketers know we're universally loathed. Still, some people are quite pleasant on the phone.
One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached.
I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, "Good morning, Highland View Cemetery."

Dusty · 12-11-2007, 02:17 PM

Athiest Holiday

n atheist complained to a Christian friend, "You Christians have your special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter. Jews celebrate their national holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur. But we atheists have no recognized national holidays. It's unfair discrimination."

His friend replied, "Why don't you celebrate April first?"

Dusty · 12-18-2007, 01:35 AM

"Car ads, translated"

Two tone paintwork - Original color and rust
One careful owner - But the other nine were clumsy as anything
10,000 trouble-free miles - crashed in the last 20 feet
Heated rear window - so you don't get cold hands when push-starting the thing in winter
Very clean - only washed if and when it rains
Lady owner - the glove box is full of half-used cosmetics
Clean interior - all the rubbish is under the floormats
Immobiliser - the gear shift comes off in your hand
Anti-theft device - I can let you have a rottweiler cheap
Drives beautifully - in a straight line; the steering is all over the place
Low mileage - the odometer is on its third time around
Full service history - Charlie in the garage round the corner checked it over last week
Economical - doesn't use much fuel, as it can't go any faster than 30 mph

Dusty · 12-29-2007, 01:59 AM

Words From Above

boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon." How do you know what to say?" he asked.

"Why, God tells me."

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

He'sMyLord · 12-30-2007, 12:47 AM

Dusty,

I don't know where you are finding these jokes but they are funny.

Thanks!

I am new here. I am wondering if there is a way to report someone's posts that are terribly annoying since it seems their goal is to badger Christianity in some form rather than to uplift, encourage, and confirm the truth.

I thought this site was strictly monitored. Maybe I didn't understand the goals. I haven't read everything here yet.

If you have any pointers for me please let me know.

Boanerges · 12-30-2007, 03:00 AM

The second icon on the right below your name is used to report posts.

Dusty · 12-30-2007, 04:38 AM

"Getting older"

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Dusty · 12-31-2007, 02:09 AM

"Need a lift?"

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who had just checked in after a long flight came by and asked me where the lift was.
"Go down the hill," I told them, "out the door, past the pool, 200 yards down the block, and you'll see it on your right."
Their tired faces suddenly looked even more exhausted, until the man behind them spoke up. "They're folks are from England," he said. "I think they're looking for the elevator."

Dusty · 01-02-2008, 03:58 PM

Exercise insights"

It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where she is!
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I don't exercise at all. If God meant for us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on our body.

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