Dusty's Jokes - Page 2

Dusty · 08-06-2007, 08:53 PM

Original" Signs...quite creative!!

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck :

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

**************************

At a Proctologist's door:

"To expedite your visit please back in."

**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

**************************

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..!!"

**************************

On a Church's Billboard:

"7 days without God makes one weak."

**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

**************************

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

**************************

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts!!"

**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

**************************

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

**************************

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

**************************

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."

**************************

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

**************************

At a Propane Filling Station ,

"Thank heaven for little grills."

**************************

And don't forget the sign at a

Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

..................................

See, what did I tell you....creative..huh?...

==============================

violet · 08-06-2007, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dusty

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

CUTE!!!

violet · 08-06-2007, 11:07 PM

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."

HaHa!!

Dusty · 08-07-2007, 02:11 PM

An itinerant evangelist was preaching at a little church. He rambled on and on, a lot longer than the host pastor ever spoke. And every time someone said, "Amen" or "That's right" he would just get fired up for another ten minutes or so.

Eventually, the host pastor began to shout "Amen, Pharoah!' every few sentences. Finally the lengthy sermon wound down to a conclusion.

After the people left the church, the evangelist asked the host pastor what he had meant by shouting, "Amen, Pharoah!"

The host pastor replied, "Let my people go!"

Dusty · 08-07-2007, 09:10 PM

2 little kids

Two little kids are in a hospital lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four.
They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jello and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies, "Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

violet · 08-07-2007, 10:16 PM

I'm Broke~

I KNEW what was coming!!

Sheba · 08-08-2007, 03:47 AM

Those are realy cute Dusty, and FUNNY! I'd like to borrow a few if you don't mind?

Sheba

Dusty · 08-08-2007, 12:56 PM

Hey Sheba.... Of course you can. You don't have to ask. I collect them from when people send them to my email.

Wen do you leave for Bible School ?

Dusty · 08-08-2007, 01:08 PM

This not a joke but will post it here for all to read.

The 7-Ups of Life
>
>
>
>1. Wake Up !!
>
>Decide to have a good day.
>"Today is the day the Lord hath made;
>Let us rejoice and be glad in it."
>Psalms 118:24
>
>
>
>2. Dress Up !!
>
>The best way to dress up is to put on a smile.
>A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
>"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.
>Man looks at outward appearance;
>But the Lord looks at the heart."
>I Samuel 16:7
>
>
>
>3. Shut Up!!
>
>Say nice things and learn to listen.
>Listen to advice and accept instruction,
>And in the end you will be wise." (Proverbs 19:20)
>
>
>
>4. Stand Up !!
>
>For what you believe in.
>Stand for something or you will fall for anything.
>"Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time,
>We will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
>Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..."
>Galatians 6:9-10
>
>
>
> 5. Look Up !!
>
>To the Lord.
>"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me".
>Philippians 4:13
>
>
>
>6. Reach Up !!
>
>For something higher.
>...keep seeking the things above, where Christ is,
>Seated at the right hand of God."
>Colossians 3:1
>
>
>
>7. Lift Up !!
>
>Your Prayers.
>"Do not worry about anything;
>Instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING."
>Philippians 4:6 i love this one
>
>
>
>Remember the 7-ups of life and may
>GOD BLESS YOUR DAY!
>
>
>
>
>
>Love is my food. Truth is my oxygen. >

violet · 08-08-2007, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dusty

An itinerant evangelist was preaching at a little church. He rambled on and on, a lot longer than the host pastor ever spoke. And every time someone said, "Amen" or "That's right" he would just get fired up for another ten minutes or so.

Eventually, the host pastor began to shout "Amen, Pharoah!' every few sentences. Finally the lengthy sermon wound down to a conclusion.

After the people left the church, the evangelist asked the host pastor what he had meant by shouting, "Amen, Pharoah!"

The host pastor replied, "Let my people go!"

I was at that service, Dusty!!! HaHa!

08-06-2007, 08:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,431 Rep Power: 7	Original" Signs...quite creative!! Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." ************************ In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." ********************** On a Septic Tank Truck : Yesterday's Meals on Wheels ********************** At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in." ********************** On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." ********************** On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..!!" ********************** On a Church's Billboard: "7 days without God makes one weak." ********************** At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee : "Invite us to your next blowout." ********************** At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." ********************** On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts!!" ********************** In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." ********************** On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." ********************** At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." ********************** On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." ********************** On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!" ********************** At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." ********************** Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." ********************** In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" ********************** At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." ********************** In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up." ********************** In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." ********************** At a Propane Filling Station , "Thank heaven for little grills." ********************** And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak." .................................. See, what did I tell you....creative..huh?... ============================== __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz**

08-06-2007, 11:07 PM	#13 (permalink)
violet Join Date: May 2007 Location: England Posts: 8,175 Blog Entries: 13 Rep Power: 10	At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." HaHa!! __________________ Violet Matthew 10:38 ....he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

08-07-2007, 02:11 PM	#14 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,431 Rep Power: 7	An itinerant evangelist was preaching at a little church. He rambled on and on, a lot longer than the host pastor ever spoke. And every time someone said, "Amen" or "That's right" he would just get fired up for another ten minutes or so. Eventually, the host pastor began to shout "Amen, Pharoah!' every few sentences. Finally the lengthy sermon wound down to a conclusion. After the people left the church, the evangelist asked the host pastor what he had meant by shouting, "Amen, Pharoah!" The host pastor replied, "Let my people go!" __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz

08-07-2007, 09:10 PM	#15 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,431 Rep Power: 7	2 little kids Two little kids are in a hospital lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jello and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." "Whoa!" the second kid replies, "Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year." __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz

08-07-2007, 10:16 PM	#16 (permalink)
violet Join Date: May 2007 Location: England Posts: 8,175 Blog Entries: 13 Rep Power: 10	I'm Broke~ I KNEW what was coming!! __________________ Violet Matthew 10:38 ....he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

08-08-2007, 03:47 AM	#17 (permalink)
Sheba Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Detroit, Michigan Posts: 38 Rep Power: 0	Those are realy cute Dusty, and FUNNY! I'd like to borrow a few if you don't mind? Sheba

08-08-2007, 12:56 PM	#18 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,431 Rep Power: 7	Hey Sheba.... Of course you can. You don't have to ask. I collect them from when people send them to my email. Wen do you leave for Bible School ? __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz

08-08-2007, 01:08 PM	#19 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 6,431 Rep Power: 7	This not a joke but will post it here for all to read. The 7-Ups of Life > > > >1. Wake Up !! > >Decide to have a good day. >"Today is the day the Lord hath made; >Let us rejoice and be glad in it." >Psalms 118:24 > > > >2. Dress Up !! > >The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. >A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. >"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. >Man looks at outward appearance; >But the Lord looks at the heart." >I Samuel 16:7 > > > >3. Shut Up!! > >Say nice things and learn to listen. >Listen to advice and accept instruction, >And in the end you will be wise." (Proverbs 19:20) > > > >4. Stand Up !! > >For what you believe in. >Stand for something or you will fall for anything. >"Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, >We will reap a harvest if we do not give up. >Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..." >Galatians 6:9-10 > > > > 5. Look Up !! > >To the Lord. >"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me". >Philippians 4:13 > > > >6. Reach Up !! > >For something higher. >...keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, >Seated at the right hand of God." >Colossians 3:1 > > > >7. Lift Up !! > >Your Prayers. >"Do not worry about anything; >Instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING." >Philippians 4:6 i love this one > > > >Remember the 7-ups of life and may >GOD BLESS YOUR DAY! > > > > > >Love is my food. Truth is my oxygen. > __________________ Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. -- John Wooden Joke Police.. Mark and Amandaz

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