Dusty's Jokes - Page 17

Dusty · 11-17-2007, 12:32 AM

"Ice Capades"

A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades. She was so mesmerized that she wouldn't budge from her seat even during intermission, watching the activity while the ice was cleaned.
At the end of the show, she exclaimed, "I know what I want to be when I grow up!"
The mother envisioned her on the ice in another 15 years, starring in the Ice Capades.
She was brought back to earth when the daughter continued, "I want to be a Zamboni driver!"

Dusty · 11-17-2007, 12:35 AM

Checking The Mail

man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor came out of his house and went straight to the mailbox. The neighbor opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later the neighbor came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house the neighbor went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here came his neighbor again! The neighbor marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed . . . harder than ever!

Puzzled by his neighbor's actions, the man asked, "Is something wrong?"

To which his neighbor replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

Dusty · 11-18-2007, 02:21 AM

BELIEVE it or not, these are REAL 911 Calls!
Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher:Do you havean address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher:9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller:Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher:Excuse me?
Caller:I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher:Was anything else taken?
Caller:No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher:This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher:Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dusty · 11-18-2007, 02:22 AM

911 Continued

My Personal Favorite!!!Dispatcher:9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller:My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher:Is this her first child?
Caller:No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is..........
Dispatcher:9-1-1
Caller:Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller:I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher:Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller:No.
Dispatcher:What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller:Running from the Police.

Dusty · 11-18-2007, 09:15 PM

Perfume Purchase

fter being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.

"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

Boanerges · 11-18-2007, 11:57 PM

Dusty · 11-21-2007, 12:43 PM

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I've been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box? We're leaving from the office & I'll swing by the house to pick my things up."

"Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being the good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired, but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye' some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to?

You'll love the answer...
*
*

*

*
* The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box "

adoptivemommy · 11-21-2007, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dusty

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I've been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box? We're leaving from the office & I'll swing by the house to pick my things up."

"Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being the good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired, but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye' some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to?

You'll love the answer...
*
*

*

*
* The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box "

Oops indeed! Wow! I wonder how long he's been missing?

Laura

Boanerges · 11-21-2007, 03:38 PM

You guys crack me up!

Dusty · 11-21-2007, 07:42 PM

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