Funny Christian stories!!

IHeartLarrytheCucumber · 05-09-2008, 03:46 PM

Six nuns were in their third-floor sleeping quarters in the convent when a fire broke out one night. The nuns quickly took off their habits, tied them together to make a rope, and climbed out of the window. After they were safely on the ground and out of the building, a news reporter came over to one of the nuns and asked her, "Weren't you afraid that the habits might have ripped or broke since, they are so old?

The nun smiled and replied, "Oh, no, dear, we weren't worried at all. Don't you know old habits are hard to break?"

Fast Thinking

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to alter the
worship service, and, ask the congregation to come up with more money than
they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was
annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick
and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.

The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service,"
he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I
make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we
are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected,
and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please
stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

THE HEARTBEAT

A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones’ chests would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe. But she never got a response to equal four-year-old David’s. Gently he tucked the stethoscope in his ears and placed the disk over his heart.

“Listen,” she said, "What do you suppose that is?" He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap-tap-tapping deep in his chest. Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin. "Is that Jesus knocking?" he asked!

"IN THE NAME OF JESUS"

Paul Harvey told about a 3-year-old boy who went to the grocery store with his mother. Before they entered the grocery store she said to him, "Now you’re not going to get any chocolate chip cookies, so don’t even ask."

She put him up in the cart & he sat in the little child’s seat while she wheeled down the aisles. He was doing just fine until they came to the cookie section. He saw the chocolate chip cookies & he stood up in the seat & said, “Mom, can I have some chocolate chip cookies?” She said, “I told you not even to ask. You’re not going to get any at all.” So he sat back down.

They continued down the aisles, but in their search for certain items they ended up back in the cookie aisle. “Mom, can I please have some chocolate chip cookies?” She said, “I told you that you can’t have any. Now sit down & be quiet.”

Finally, they were approaching the checkout lane. The little boy sensed that this may be his last chance. So just before they got to the line, he stood up on the seat of the cart & shouted in his loudest voice, "In the name of Jesus, may I have some chocolate chip cookies?” And everybody round about just laughed. Some even applauded. And, according to Paul Harvey, due to the generosity of the other shoppers, the little boy & his mother left with 23 boxes of chocolate chip cookies.

Boanerges · 05-09-2008, 04:16 PM

"A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones’ chests would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe. But she never got a response to equal four-year-old David’s. Gently he tucked the stethoscope in his ears and placed the disk over his heart.
“Listen,” she said, "What do you suppose that is?" He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap-tap-tapping deep in his chest. Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin. "Is that Jesus knocking?" he asked!"

I love it!

Dusty · 05-09-2008, 09:32 PM

The little boy in the pediatric dept is priceless. My Fav.

Who am I · 05-10-2008, 03:33 AM

In the name of Jesus, can Dean have some chocolate chip cookies?

*waiting patiently*

05-09-2008, 03:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
IHeartLarrytheCucumber Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New Jersey Posts: 202 Rep Power: 1	Funny Christian stories!! Six nuns were in their third-floor sleeping quarters in the convent when a fire broke out one night. The nuns quickly took off their habits, tied them together to make a rope, and climbed out of the window. After they were safely on the ground and out of the building, a news reporter came over to one of the nuns and asked her, "Weren't you afraid that the habits might have ripped or broke since, they are so old? The nun smiled and replied, "Oh, no, dear, we weren't worried at all. Don't you know old habits are hard to break?" *Fast Thinking* *The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to alter the* *worship service, and, ask the congregation to come up with more money than* *they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was* *annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick* *and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.* *The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service,"* *he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I* *make the announcement about the finances."* *During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we* *are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected,* *and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please* *stand up."* *At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."* *And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!* *THE HEARTBEAT* A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones’ chests would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe. But she never got a response to equal four-year-old David’s. Gently he tucked the stethoscope in his ears and placed the disk over his heart. “Listen,” she said, "What do you suppose that is?" He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap-tap-tapping deep in his chest. Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin. "Is that Jesus knocking?" he asked! "IN THE NAME OF JESUS" Paul Harvey told about a 3-year-old boy who went to the grocery store with his mother. Before they entered the grocery store she said to him, "Now you’re not going to get any chocolate chip cookies, so don’t even ask." She put him up in the cart & he sat in the little child’s seat while she wheeled down the aisles. He was doing just fine until they came to the cookie section. He saw the chocolate chip cookies & he stood up in the seat & said, “Mom, can I have some chocolate chip cookies?” She said, “I told you not even to ask. You’re not going to get any at all.” So he sat back down. They continued down the aisles, but in their search for certain items they ended up back in the cookie aisle. “Mom, can I please have some chocolate chip cookies?” She said, “I told you that you can’t have any. Now sit down & be quiet.” Finally, they were approaching the checkout lane. The little boy sensed that this may be his last chance. So just before they got to the line, he stood up on the seat of the cart & shouted in his loudest voice, "In the name of Jesus, may I have some chocolate chip cookies?” And everybody round about just laughed. Some even applauded. And, according to Paul Harvey, due to the generosity of the other shoppers, the little boy & his mother left with 23 boxes of chocolate chip cookies. __________________ Dear everyone, my name may be misleading but I am your sister, not your brother. "I chose you when I planned creation" -God

05-09-2008, 04:16 PM	#2 (permalink)
Boanerges Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St Rose LA Posts: 14,751 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 16	"A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones’ chests would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe. But she never got a response to equal four-year-old David’s. Gently he tucked the stethoscope in his ears and placed the disk over his heart. “Listen,” she said, "What do you suppose that is?" He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap-tap-tapping deep in his chest. Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin. "Is that Jesus knocking?" he asked!" I love it! __________________ Love, in the final analysis, is wisdom. --E.W. Kenyon

05-09-2008, 09:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
Dusty Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Toronto Posts: 5,595 Rep Power: 6	The little boy in the pediatric dept is priceless. My Fav. __________________ You are the salt and light of the world.

05-10-2008, 03:33 AM	#4 (permalink)
Who am I Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Minnesota Posts: 1,042 Blog Entries: 1 Rep Power: 2	In the name of Jesus, can Dean have some chocolate chip cookies? waiting patiently __________________ Blessings to all Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

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