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| Humor Jokes and Humor. |
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#1 | ||
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__________________
“Neither skill nor knowledge is needed to go to God, all that is necessary is a heart dedicated entirely and solely to Him out of love for Him above all others.” Brother Lawrence |
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#2 | ||
![]() Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,233
Rep Power: 6
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Let’s face it English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
__________________
Ray Enjoy a rent free holiday with Christian House Sitters www.christian-housesitters.com |
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#3 | ||
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 7,456
Rep Power: 9
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Yah ,that's right and if must be so difficult for those from other countries. I am just thinking about my little friend God's Child from Russia, who just recently asked some grammar questions on the discussion forum. I even had a hard time answering her and had to think and I hope I gave her the right answers cause she is writing an English exam.
__________________
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() God's retirement plan is out of this world.
-- Anonymous |
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#4 | ||
![]() Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,233
Rep Power: 6
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Don't tell anyone but I saw that question and avoided answering because I was not 100% certain.
__________________
Ray Enjoy a rent free holiday with Christian House Sitters www.christian-housesitters.com |
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#6 | ||
![]() Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,233
Rep Power: 6
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Looked right to me
__________________
Ray Enjoy a rent free holiday with Christian House Sitters www.christian-housesitters.com |
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#7 | ||
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 7,456
Rep Power: 9
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Thanks.... I Hope she got a good mark. Anyways got to run going now to church. Have a great day in the Lord. God Bless.
__________________
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() God's retirement plan is out of this world.
-- Anonymous |
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#8 | ||
![]() Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: East Tennessee
Posts: 1,995
Rep Power: 4
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Working hard is a good thing. Yet to hardly work ...
__________________
Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it—because it does. - 1 Corinthians 14:1 (The Message) We are called to take His Light ... Shalom and Keep the Son in Your eyes! Posters on my Pastor's wall: I know you believe you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape. |
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#9 | ||
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 7,456
Rep Power: 9
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Ok ..... Got some more.
]EVER WONDER ... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice' Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
__________________
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() God's retirement plan is out of this world.
-- Anonymous |
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#10 | ||
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__________________
“Neither skill nor knowledge is needed to go to God, all that is necessary is a heart dedicated entirely and solely to Him out of love for Him above all others.” Brother Lawrence |
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