I feel a little panicky....I just feel with my friend ( the one ive been posting about earlier)I had so much riding on him, I feel he was perfect to room with, ( were both in our 20's)but I know he likes to be alone and in my opinion I feel what good are friends if you cant spend time with them? Also he has another friend who he mwt before me and I fear he'll end up rooming with her and perhaps forgetting all about me.. I always wonder why the 3 of us rooming couldn't work but he likes to be alone.... Idk if just feel so pushed to the side...i listened to him during his most depressive rants, while this other friend told him to kill himself during a depressive rant...id just be really mad if he chooses her over me..bc its like..all I was was an emotional tampon to vent at... And I wasted time..when I could be making friends at school or wherever ...idk I feel very alone and a bit scared..i dont want to be alone but that's what it seems like its gonna be for me.. Friends whether in real life or online or just for a moment...never the long haul. And it makes me sad ill have to live alone :/
That's my worst fear just being alone..but I think that's my issue feeling like I could trust them( my other friends I met online) when people naturally move on to do other things....
Its just growing up I was never able to hold on to friends BC I move around so much..and still do to this day...so I was always new and always had no real friends.. And It would have been a dream come true to room with someone I trusted on such a deep level..but even that dream is shattered to pieces.
I honestly think being alone is my cross to bear I just wish I got used to the crushing loneliness..
-- idk I'm almost crying .. I hate this
That's my worst fear just being alone..but I think that's my issue feeling like I could trust them( my other friends I met online) when people naturally move on to do other things....
Its just growing up I was never able to hold on to friends BC I move around so much..and still do to this day...so I was always new and always had no real friends.. And It would have been a dream come true to room with someone I trusted on such a deep level..but even that dream is shattered to pieces.
I honestly think being alone is my cross to bear I just wish I got used to the crushing loneliness..
-- idk I'm almost crying .. I hate this