Why did God make me who I am today? I have lived such a tough life. And I feel like it hasn't changed...much anyway. I came from an abusive family where my dad beat my brothers and I, while my mom only sat and watched every time. :'( I would never want to go back to that life. But today, I feel like I am still getting beaten, but only it is mentally, not physically. No, It's not from my husband or my kids but from the people around me. I don't get what I do wrong to get treated like I am being treated? For example, I thought my mom and I had a great 3 year relationship going until I found out that she passed a horrible rumor around about me, my husband, and kids. :'( Why is God allowing all this suffering in my life to continue??? YES, There has been good in my life since moving out of my parents....my 3 beautiful kids, my husband, we have a house, ect. But I still am so stressed out and depressed that I cry more tears now than I have in my past life. I always feel like people hate me, I feel like no mater who I talk to, will hurt me or not accept me. I always worry about what others think of me making me feel dumb or stupid and never feeling like I can do ANYTHING right. I want a new life (or a new me) because I hate this one. I only want to be happy. Is that so hard for God to give me??? My past seems to be my present and future right now. I have prayed and asked God to take the pain away and to make me more like him...many times over. But nothing has seemed to have changed!! So what am I suppose to be doing, if I am suppose to be doing anything for God to change me?
Does anyone have anything to say or scripture that would change my mind about the way God made me?
Sorry for the long vent. It's not just a vent to you all but also a vent to God. Thanks if you have read this far.
First welcome to the forum!
Now:
Romans 8:31-32 (KJV)
What shall we then say to these things? If God [be] for us, who [can be] against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
According to the scriptures, we have all we need in Christ. That's all fine on paper, but, as you said, what about the reality of our lives? Well, the issue is all in how we think and believe. Our brains take in information and formulates a judgment of those events and stores them inside our hearts. The hurts you have keep welling up to the surface because you have not deal with that pain stored inside your heart from when you were being physically beaten. As a Christian, Jesus has given you the power to overcome these feelings buried deep in your heart by sending them away - this is called forgiveness. Forgiveness is sending away that pain and giving it to Jesus.
2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
You must drudge up all those pains and "send them away" in forgiveness and replace that negative belief and replace it with God's promises, such as these two verses. When you do, you'll have peace and joy and fellowship with God! Our negative beliefs that these feelings carry are cancelling the grace of God. We ALL must go through this. This is the struggle Paul said in Romans 7:
Romans 7:23-24 (KJV)
But I see another law in my members,
warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
See? You're right there, exclaiming the same thing Paul did! We all have to. But thank God he didn't end there because the next verse explains it all:
Romans 7:25 (KJV)
I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then
with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.
Our daily battles are within our thinking. We see one thing and judge it this way or that way instead of using the word of God. It seems too simplistic but it's a real battle.
Here's how you win, meditate on the word of God and let these truths become settled in your heart as truth:
2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (KJV)
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare [are] not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; ) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.
See, our warfare is not physical, but in our hearts. The strong holds are the judgements we've stored in our hearts. The word of God will help unseat those wrong raw feelings and beliefs by casting down imaginations and every barrier that exalts itself against the knowledge of God! Bringing into captivity
EVERY THOUGHT to the submission to Christ! You're equating your experiences to how God treats you and this is wrong thinking.
God loves YOU. And so I close with the verse I opened with:
Romans 8:31-32 (KJV)
What shall we then say to these things? If God [be] for us, who [can be] against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?