Whirlwind

I wanted to come in here and confess something to my brothers and sisters in Christ today, something that I'm not too proud of.

Yesterday, I went Christmas shopping in Portland. Almost everybody who knows me is aware that looooong ago in the past, I had a real problem with anger.

I was an angry person, almost all of the time. If someone did me wrong, I'd make it right. Verbally, and I would never be kind or spare anybody's feelings while doing it. Mom once told me that I had a frightening gift by being able to choose my words so carefully when insulting someone; I seemed to pinpoint their weakness and then strike out at that. She said my words were especially harmful.

That's not who I wanted to be, so I changed. I found God and Christ Jesus, and my world changed. I became a much happier person, and I used my words only for kindness.

Years have passed.

While shopping in Portland, things were a mess. People were bumping into each other. Reaching in front of me. Being downright rude, telling me to get out of the way. Salesmen were visiting with each other while the customers wandered around with that lost look on their faces. Someone stepped on my foot while reaching in front of me to grab the last something (that I was looking at) off of the shelf. People were parking their carts across aisles to chat with each other.

I could feel my anger building, and I prayed to God for help. It seemed like I was the only one in the world who had ever heard the words: "Please", "Thank you", "Excuse me", "Pardon me", "I'm sorry", and "After you".

I usually like the experience of Christmas shopping, but things have really gone downhill! Society is rattling apart, there's no more common courtesy or manners out there anymore. Kids are dressed like thugs, standing around store entrances and glaring at people they don't even know!

Anyway, this anger was building inside of me. I could feel it. It was warm, it felt so good. Warm chowder on a cold winter day when I'm starving for lunch.

I parked my cart to look at backup batteries for my sister's computer, and I was reading the box to see how much juice these things pack, when I heard from behind me:

"I'm just waiting for this big ox to get out of my way!"

I cleared my throat and slowly turned around on one heel to see who it was. It was a dainty little plastic lady, not one hair out of place, wrapped in some kind of fur, telling her six-year-old daughter that I was in her way.

I snapped. I explained to this lady that there was more than enough room for her to get around me. I remember asking her if she went to church (she said yes) and I remember telling her that she should listen up while she was there, and stop teaching her little girl how to be so rude to other people, because this little girl is learning from her example. I told her that she didn't own the store, that it wasn't just HER way...I told her that she could look perfect and plastic on the outside, but if you put flowers over a pile of doo-doo, it doesn't change what's inside.

That old fire that I thought was gone for so long re-ignited into a wonderful blaze! Oh, it felt goooood! It was like scratching an itch I hadn't been able to reach for YEARS. Waking from a deep, restful sleep on a Saturday morning. Cold water on a burned thumb. A massage after hauling wood all day.

No wonder, I thought, people act like this. It was great! I let it rip, and the lady eventually stormed off. How dare she, I thought. A simple, "excuse me" would have been enough to get my attention. "I'm sorry, can I get past you?" would have made me move my cart.

I stood looking at the battery for a while longer, but I didn't see it anymore. I was feeling a huge wave of relief wash over me. After years of being kind, I had finally snapped. I felt changed inside, refreshed, brand-new.

Out at the car, guilt hit me. There was a reason why that anger felt so good. There's a reason why many other sins in the world feel so good. Because they're wrong, I thought, and the devil has to dress them up somehow to make you want to do them. I took that lady's anger and I made it my own.

I imagine it like a big bad cloud that was hanging around her. She passed it on to me.

I felt bad, and I prayed for God to forgive me.

Sorry for the long post, but I had to get it out.

violet

smellycat

all spiritual my friend,sometimes the spirit annoys us to much.just a little blip m8.

Boanerges

It sounds like you figured it out all by yourself brother. Love is stronger than hate or anger but it also takes more strength to walk in. Jesus could easily have gotten of that cross but instead His cry was Father forgive them they know not what they do- now that took real strength.
You have a great heart , God knows how you feel and has already forgiven you. We each stumble but if we listen to His voice we learn from what we did and wisdom guides our path.

PS: now you know why I tend to avoid holiday crowds.

Whirlwind

Thanks, guys!

Violet
Reminds me of Ellen in Christmas Vacation..."All I know is that it's the Holidays...and we're all miserable!"

Smelly
God bless you, Smelly...

Bo
I know, I know...you tried to warn me. But I did I listen? Nooo. I had this image of movie-screen Christmas malls in my mind, everybody tipping hats and saying "Merry Christmas" to each other, all smiling, everybody in good cheer.

Pfffft!

I couldn't wait to get home! LOL

mikeOfChrist

It's like this strange Movie I saw, with Denzel Washington,
and John Goodman in it, called "Fallen." And these ancient
demons jump from people to people by touch ---anger is
like that, it silently infects us, and before you know it, all
hell breaks loose. ( and unless You like movies like The
Omen, or The exorcist, etc.., I wouldn't recomend Fallen ).

mikeOfChrist

And by the way your OK. I know you did not like what
had happened, but if You look at it this way, I don't think
what You did, makes You into a WMD, or an IED, because
of one slip

And Cheer up everyone, things could be worse???? I have
not worked all year, and if it were not for this computer I
am now typing on, which I had gotten just before 2007, to
set up for My kids so they could record their music on it,
and stuff, and stay out of trouble----which they do a pretty
good job at staying out of trouble, because they are very
mature for their ages 15 & 17, as they were homeschooled.

But if it were not for this computer, which I am going to
finish setting up, and giving to them at Christmass, or shortly
thereafter ---as soon as I can get there, I would have nothing to
give anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And if it were not for My two boys,
I would have no one to give presents too???????????????

mikeOfChrist

Yea and I can already see this one comming, I am sure, if
I do get this job I am trying for, and all works out, You all
will be more than willing to recieve a Christmass presesnt
from Me



Sorry about being a Wise-A-Ma-Guy, but it just seems so
much less depressing than the last post I just typed.
because that post, ( the one above this one ), even
depressed Me, and I thought I was in a good mood before
typing it


God Bless,

And Merry Christmass.

Whirlwind

Mike...nooooo sad bears on Christmas, okay?

Like you said, we each have our own special something on Christmas. God blesses us in His own special way - everybody has their own certain gift.

He's blessed you with optimism! Yay!


When you run over a bump...just keep on going.

Hmmmm...I could have used my own advice yesterday!

mikeOfChrist

Yes, and that very cute skying Smily

Merry Christmass, to all, and to all, A Good Megabyte!!!!!!