Daniels

Micah

7:19 He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will
subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the
depths of the sea.

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Eccle 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep

his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

12:14 For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret

thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

silent

are you really sure, scriptually certain that its not too late to repent? even with how selfish i have been.

i HATE being selfish. i have a bad habit of always setting myself up for disaster and i just self destruct.

how do i know when jesus is in my heart, how do i know i am saved? i have asked jesus into my heart twice before. once when i was little and didnt understand everything... then a second time when i was unsure if i had really meant it. i had doubt. and when i asked the second time i made sure i really meant it and someone at my church prayed with me and walked me through it.

now i am not sure where i am at. i feel utterly alone. is it possible to push jesus out of my heart? do i need to ask him back into my heart and into my life? will he come back? i am miserable. i have never wanted to be a part of gods love more than now. i dont know if i have ever felt that.

its hard for me to know what love is like, or feels like. closest thing i have to love is my sister. my dad loves me and i love him but its for the most part unspoken. we dont have a relationship really. just like i dont have a relationship with jesus and god. i have not studied... i have always said 'i will become a good christian later'

the time must be now i cant wait any longer. i am thinking about getting baptized sunday if i can. but i feel like i may be doing it with selfish reasons. i feel like a major fake. a hypocrite. because i have sinned so many times, and the thoughts have come into my mind that it is wrong and god is watching. i have ignored the prompts. i feel horrible to neglecting god. i feel like he does not want to be a part of my life anymore. i need him. i cant be without him. but even this feels selfish.

i am having a serious crisis of faith and i have a lot of doubt. i feel like i have devoured my own soul. i find it sickening to wonder what you all must think of my actions. i dont have any exscuses only my burning desire for jesus and god. but i feel like i have bad motives. selfish ones. just to avoid hell. but i want to learn how to love and really love jesus and if i really love jesus then i know everything will be right and good. i have so much fear and doubt though. its DEEP in my heart. i have put jesus off and aside for too long now. i am unsure if he really knows me. or if i really know him. i feel no emotion and it helps to type all of this out but only to express my heart. i still have hope, that is the only thing i am clinging on to... i have not given up on god and jesus.

but i really question if he will take me in and love me. i know god loves everyone, but i still cant understand how he could ever love me for purposefully rebelling. to satisfy my own evil desires. he must think i am horrible. i hope he has not forsaken me. i need to find forgiveness and truly repent. i know it sounds selfish to ask, but please keep me in your prayers anyone who reads this. i feel insincere when i pray. i have tried to be as honest as i can. i feel like even that is a lie. i want to learn from jesus himself. i want him to speak to my heart and to open my mind. i need his love. badly. i have never felt this horrible, not even the death of a family member in my past has made me feel this horrible. i know i am supposed to love god before all things, and ALL my love should be for him and the people around me and his will. i just cant get past this broken heart i have. its agonizing. realizing my constant failure and blasphemy.

please know that i am not trying to get sympathy. i have no use for that, only for gods love. that is my focus. i want him to love me and forgive me and me love him and forgive myself and others around me. my heart and mind are heavily burdened. lord i need you more than anything imaginable. not want. NEED.
i NEED you. i please hope that its not too late for my soul and spirit.

violet

I love you and God loves and wants you and he is speaking to your heart,
Take action. No more doubt!!!

Satan I rebuke you in the name Jesus Christ! I demand you flee from Silent, now, through the powerful blood of Jesus! You are not welcome in his life and Christ has power over Silent and over you and you have no choice but to flee!
Amen

Housesitter

AMEN. That is the truth.

__________________
Ray
Enjoy a rent free holiday with
Christian House Sitters
www.christian-housesitters.com

Rumely

You're still living and breathing and are under conviction, so it's not too late. The challenge is to filter out the voice of the accuser so you can hear the voice of the Holy Spirit. The conviction comes from God, the condemnation comes from Satan.

When we come to the realization that we have messed up royally, it is important to grieve and deal with the conviction. But, realize you can't undo all that you did. Undue flagellation over a past you can't change only leads to paralysis. Do the grieving and repenting that leads to cleansing. Then, start at the place you are this moment and go forward, doing what you know to be right. What is genuine is your desire to cast off your selfish self and to know and serve God. Do not allow doubts about your sincerity keep you from doing what you know is right to do. Be aware of your weaknesses and ungodly impulses such as selfishness and offer them up to God, but don't let the fear of them keep you bound up.

In truth, I think you have come to a good place. This is where true repentance begins, when you realize truly how there is no good thing in you and you have nothing of yourself to offer God except your raggedy self. This is where you "beat your breast and cry out to God, 'Have mercy on me, the sinner.'" Luke 18:13. This is the beginning of true humility.

God has stirred this up in your heart because He loves you. He wants you to stop running away from Him. He wants you to stop clinging to the rags of your self service and allow Him to clothe you with His robes of righteousness, washed white by the blood He shed on your behalf. He did not shed that blood grudgingly. He shed it because He loved you and wanted you. If you were the first, last, and only sinner on Earth, He would still have gone to the cross for you. Even with a pen full of sheep, He will still go search for that one that is still lost out there.

God has already begun the work of reconciliation in you. Some parts of that may be painful, but He will sustain you through it. The joy will come in due time.

You may be a raggedy urchin dragged in out of the street, but the Holy Spirit has already begun to scrub you up and will continue this process until you are presented to Jesus as His bride, clothed in a dress dazzlingly white with His purity, adorned with good works, radiant in His love.

adoptivemommy

OK, Silent, why don't we take this from the beginning! I truly think what you are dealing with here is a very strong case of fear! I heard someone once that fear is False Evidence Appearing Real! It's not the Real thing, just wants to appear to be. The enemy is very famous for doing this, obviously since he is a liar and the father of all lies.

Think back: Have you ever repented, prayed the prayer of salvation and sincerely accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour? If the answer to all those questions is yes, then, judging by your desire to be right with God and by your admitting of intentional sin, you have not lost your salvation, but rather you are looking at Jesus' forgiveness of those sins with a human eye! I will say this: I obviously don't have all the answers, and I don't believe anyone does, however, although I'm not necessarily living by the "once saved always saved" adage, I do believe that once a person becomes truly saved, they can not go back do far that God's arm can not reach out and bring them back! Remember the scripture that says: "I will leave the 99 and go in search for the 1 lost sheep!" There is such a proof to me in that scripture that once we belong to Him, it would take a LOT to rip us away from Him! There is also a scripture that says that once God has started a work in you He WILL finish it. I believe that you have to go back to that first feeling of complete trust in the Lord that you had when you first got saved. If you sin, truly repent than just TRUST Him to forgive you! He said He will, no matter what and how many times you make the same stupid mistake over and over again! I have nothing against studying the Word of God, but right now I think you're going a little crazy with trying to find "proof" in the bible that you are saved! You're not going to! Salvation is not something you can prove, it is something you have to TRUST, just like everything else that comes from Jesus! Trust me, I've been there, I know! I too question my salvation at times, and even though I don't "feel" saved, I have to stop looking at what I'm doing and remind myself of who I am in Christ! Separate your "do" (the things you do) from your "who" ( who you are in Christ Jesus!)! The way you do that however, is by trusting that His power, love and especially mercy is a lot bigger that your human weakness! Don't ever stop repenting! That is actually what the devil is trying to get you to do: "You've sinned too much, you've done it now, Jesus can never forgive you for THIS!" Those are lies and if you are believing them, then you might get yourself to a place where YOU, not Jesus, think you've gone too far for Him to reach you, and that is a dangerous place to be! Please try to calm down a little, take a deep breath and, for now, just do a search and study only scriptures that have to do with forgiveness and mercy, not judgment day and the point of no return! Remember that even Paul had those days! Remember what he said? I'm paraphrasing here but he basically said: "The things I want to do I don't do, the things I don't want to do I do, what is my problem and who will save me from this body of flesh?" Remember his answer? "Thank God HE will!" He was referring to Jesus. You see he (Paul, who was an awesome disciple!) knew that his salvation was not based on earthly manifestations of his own perfection but rather on the mercy and perfection of Jesus through Whom he was saved! That is the place where you have to get back to and the way you will accomplish that is by having child like faith! Please, at least for a while, stop studying all the gloom and doom scriptures, because there are some and they can be interpreted in many ways! But, at the same time there are plenty of scriptures in the bible that talk about His infinite love and mercy for us and about the fact that we can not be saved through our own deeds, lest any man should boast! That's something else Paul said! Focus on those things and remember: God's arm is NOT short that He can not reach you!

Laura

__________________
Forgiveness is His Signature!

Jax

Silent would it help if I said I can identify with some of your questions?
I too have felt that I have slipped too far away or that I havent really believed as I should and that my motives are all wrong.
But ultimately what stood out in your post was the fact that you want things to be different and you realise they are not right.
No unbeliever would realise that to the same degree.
I would say the Holy Spirit is bringing conviction in to your life because He has a good plan for you.
He knows your heart.
Just say sorry, turn back to Him and away from sin, ask Him for the power to do that.
Every negativeor condemning thought is coming from the evil one.
Say sorry ask His forgiveness and it is done.
The Blood of Jesus is sufficient.
God bless.

silent

One of the things I did last night when I was busy trying to fulfill my own desires was I messed around with someone sexually. I felt extremely bad and empty inside after this. I was having bad thoughts while we were messing around, and I didn't get up and stop. I was up all night after that, my heart pounding. Hurting. Ashamed of what I had done, although right after I didn't feel as bad about it as I should have. I had the attitude that I can do this or that and Jesus will forgive me. BAD attitude. I know this. I have kept giving into my own evil desires. It's taken a toll on my soul.

I also did a few other sins last night including drinking. So it was a whole day pretty much of ignoring my conscience. I think I have gotten past these feelings of lust and selfishness though. I still feel there is a chance they will come back and hit me hard. I can't live in fear or with pain.

I have a problem with commitment. I am not sure if it just stems from my selfishness or not.

The person I messed around with, I don't think is a Christian but I think they believe in God. I am not sure. But I was thinking about talking with them. I don't know if we need to forgive each other or not. I know I can't forgive their sins, and what happened I feel was my sin. So I don't know if I need to ask forgiveness from them because I caused them to sin with me.

I am not sure about the people forgiving other people thing. God said he won't forgive us if we don't forgive other people. I am trying to think about whether or not their is any people I need to forgive, and I can't think of any. How would I know I needed to forgive someone? What if I didn't forgive someone in my past that I don't know anymore... one I held a grudge against, or bad feelings towards.

I have thought about it, and I don't know what I should think. I fear there are people that I have not forgiven, and so therefore I cannot be forgiven.

Also, do I need to be forgiven by people I have caused to sin? Or do I just have to forgive others myself? What does this all mean?

adoptivemommy

Listen, Silent, I am just wondering, have you read any of the posts people have been sending to you in response to your questions? I mean, really take the time and read them? I don't want to seem unsympathetic to your questions and fears, but I think the answer lies somewhere in those posts and you need to start giving heed to the advice you've already gotten! First off you're focusing entirely too much on your mistakes, sins and fears! There are no 27 rules that you have to follow to be saved, just ONE and that is believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is the Lord of your life! That is where you must start! the other stuff will sort itself out! Also, I would suggest that, especially now when you are in such a state of confusion and uncertainty, try to stay away from temptations like being with someone of the opposite sex, or being around strong drink, etc.! Take some time and really read the posts and advices you've already gotten and then take some time to study the Word and read about forgiveness of sins and Jesus' love and mercy for us! Right now you are so focused on the negative and on what you can do to stay saved, that you're kind of missing the big picture! Just try to do what I've suggested and see if it helps!

Laura

__________________
Forgiveness is His Signature!

silent

I have read everyones respond carefully. It's hard to change my mindset sometimes, and it's true I do tend to stay stuck on the negative.

I appreciate everyone's response, especially the people who really took the time to show their love. That means a lot to me and my relationship with God and my fellow Christians.

Change is hard. I still have a long way to go, but I will take the advice given here and do my best to focus on Jesus and the positive. I have faith that I am saved and that I have truly repented. I do have some self doubt and some fear and worry but I know I can rely on God. It's trusting him completely and submitting to His will that I need work on.

I talked with the person I was with last night, and we forgave each other and I explained it was wrong and it was a sin and I did not mean to drag them into my mess.

I do feel a lot better though now. I tend to have some hard struggles from time to time, and they occur in greater frequency lately. I am normally not good with tests, rather it be school or God testing me. I have a negative mindset. I know my attitude must change and I think I am on the right track. I still have guilt, but I know that is normal and that we are all human and not perfect. I still feel like I failure to a great extent though. But I can't let that hold me back.

I got this book a while back from church called, 'The Purpose Driven Life' by Rick Warren. My church and I know of some other churches have run with that book for Sunday school classes. It's like a 40 days of purpose thing.

I think it's going to be a good read, and I am taking it a day at a time and leaving the future in God's hands where it belongs. The past is already done with, and I can't change what has happened. I can only focus on Jesus and God and The Holy Spirit.

I believe I have a purpose, and a destiny. It's a big thing to stomach, that God has cosmic plans. It's almost unfathomable. So I have started reading that, and I have read a chapter out of the Word on forgiveness. It was Sermon on the Mount.

I still have a lot of questions and concerns I feel are unanswered, but I can only take things one step at a time. I can't overload myself and rely on my mind alone. I have to depend on God, and that is what I need to learn how to do.

Thanks for everyone's replies, it really does mean a lot to me. I am glad so many people care and have a heart to do God's will.

So I guess everything is good and steady now, and I will not be far away. I like this community of people here and wisdom the wisdom that is shared here. It's good to know there are other Christians who we can rely on for help and fellowship. I am just happy that I am starting to take notice of these things on a deeper level and realizing their importance.

Thank God and thank you all. I will be around.