Struick

Covenant, you came here for advise.

People gave you the advise you were looking for.

Now it seems you are wanting to teach the same people, who gave you great Christian advise, a lesson in how things should be done properly.

I say: go to them and forgive them even if they don't ask for forgiveness......and drop the whole thing and don't bring it up anymore. And that should be the end of the story, start enjoying your grandchildren.

covenant4

Theophilus,

In my first post I did make it clear how we felt toward our D-I-L's child;

Quote:

"we adore him and do not treat him any differently. To him, we are his grandparents too and do buy him many gifts."

In the context of the original post, it was necessary to clarify the biological relationship of her child to us in order to show how important it was that our first grandchild from our only son receive the gift of the specific stroller system that she agreed to buy with the money we sent her.

When her child grows up and looks up his ancestors, he is never going to look to our ancestry line to see where his place in it is - he will look to his biological parents side no matter how much we view each other from our hearts.

Struick

It seems to me you have a problem and you will not listen to anyone here.
Make an appointment with your pastor.
Maybe he can help you.
I will not post on this thread anymore.

Bassmasa

covenant,

I agree with most of the other folks here. It seems that this issue, which took place about a year ago, continues to disturb you. I understand, it would bother me, too. However, the bottom line is that you made a gift of cash. While your gift was intended to be used for the stroller, your d-i-l used it for other reasons against your wishes. However, it was still a gift, period.

To have a solid relationship with your great son, great d-i-l, and two fantastic grandkids is much more important than the $250 gift.

M. Reborn makes a very important point:

The fact that your son is backing up his wife, even if he disagrees, is wonderful that he is committed to his union with her. I have a VERY hard time with that personally and tend to agree with my family, but understand how much that hurts my wife...you shouuld be proud of him.

I guess, in the end, this is making you extremely bitter and defensive, hurting your most important relationships and taking away the joy you should have toward your family. It sounds like the only thing that will make you happy is for your d-i-l to admit she's wrong, ask for forgiveness, and promise to use your gifts to meet YOUR wishes from now on. Do you really think that will ever happen? Even if it did, would that improve your relationship? How would she and her husband feel after the conversation?

View the $250 as a gift and let the bitterness stop stealing your joy.

covenant4

Can someone please tell me where in scripture it can be found that deception is a good thing in God’s eyes? I can give you two examples where it did not turn out so well for several couples that approved of and partook in the spouse’s actions.

1. Adam and Eve
2. Ananias and Sapphira

(Matthew Henry Commentary) “The sin of Ananias and Sapphira his wife. It is good to see husband and wife joining together in that which is good, but to be confederate in evil is to be like Adam and Eve, when they agreed to eat the forbidden fruit, and were one in their disobedience.�

1Ti 5:22 “Do not lay hands quickly on anyone, neither be partaker of the sins of others. Keep yourself pure.�

· neither be partaker of other men's sins; of any of the members of the church; by doing the same, joining with them therein, or by consenting to them and taking pleasure in them, as done by others; by conniving at them, and not restraining them, nor reproving for them…In no way are we to participate in the sins of other people. We are not to be engaged with them in doing wrong; we are not to patronize them in a wicked business; we are not to be known as their companions or friends; and we are not to partake of their unlawful gains. (Barnes)
· By a too hasty and inconsiderate restoration, he would condone the sins of the offenders, and would thus make common cause with them. (Vincent’s Word Studies)
· Observe, We have great need to watch over ourselves at all times, that we do not make ourselves partakers of other men's sins. “Keep thyself pure, not only from doing the like thyself, but from countenancing it, or being any way accessory to it, in others.� (Matthew Henry)

Keep thyself pure - Particularly, in regard to participation in the sins of others; generally, in all things - in heart, in word, in conduct. (Barnes)

keep thyself pure — “Keep thyself� clear of participation in other men’s sin by not failing to rebuke them that sin. (JFB)

2Jo 1:11 For he who speaks a greeting to him is partaker of his evil deeds.

· For he that gives him any encouragement, is accessory to his sinful deeds. (Wesley)
· There are many ways of sharing the guilt of other people's transgressions; it may be done by culpable silence, inaction, unconcern, private contribution, public expression and assistance, inward approval, open apology and defense. (Matthew Henry)

Eph 5:11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.

We must therefore have no fellowship with these unfruitful works; as we must not practice them ourselves, so we must not support others in the practice of them. There are many ways of our being accessory to the sins of others, by approval, advice, consent, or on covering it up. And, if we share with others in their sin, we must expect to share with them in their afflictions. No, if we thus have fellowship with them, we shall be in the utmost danger of acting as they do before long. But, rather than have fellowship with them, we must reprove them, implying that if we do not reprove the sins of others we have fellowship with them. We must prudently and in our places witness against the sins of others, and endeavor to convince them of their sinfulness, when we can do it early and appropriately, in our words; but especially by the holiness of our lives, and a religious conversation. (Matthew Henry)

Boanerges

Deception is never a good thing but unforgiveness can poison a soul and cause a root of bitterness to spring up in you- it's simply not worth holding on to and even more important to when it's a family member- I'm an advocate of "as much as depends on YOU be at peace with all people"- consider this as sound scriptural advise and turn the other cheek.

covenant4

Thank you for your opinions. I'm done with this thread

M. Reborn

Ahhh, covenant4, at the beginning of his thread you sought advice about some regrettable circumstances within your family circle. Many have come to your aid, some of it opinion, some of it advice from experience, and some with the voice of the scriptures. Now you seem to be disheartened by what you've been told. Were you seeking guidance to change your situation, or were you looking for justification for your discontent? You need to give that some deep thought.

As Christian brothers and sisters here on this forum, most of us attempt to bring support and healing to one another. If discontinuing this discussion will end your frustration, we can relate to that, but we also know from our own experiences that it won't remove the real issue from your heart and mind. You may be done with us, but are you done with the Lord?

Not knowing whether we'll hear from you again, I'll refer you to these two pertinent Biblical sources. Instead of human advice this is divine advice: Matt 7:1-3, "Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?"

Those are the words of our Lord Jesus. Then consider 2 Chronicles 30:8, "Now be ye not stiffnecked, as your fathers were, but yield yourselves unto the Lord, and enter into His sanctuary, which He hath sanctified forever: and serve the Lord your God, that the fierceness of His wrath may turn away from you."

I hope that the Holy Spirit will take charge now, not only of your daughter-in-law, but of you. Peace to you.

covenant4

Bassmasa

Covenant, you are absolutely 100% right about the deception. It was wrong, it was a sin. You were wronged through no fault of your own. A kind gesture on your part was abused and you're right to feel deceived.

But, and this is a big "but", it doesn't matter.

Here's your original opening and closing that began the thread. Not to mention, the title of this thread is "Some Christian Advice Needed..." (emphasis mine)

.....

You clearly asked us for our opinions, not validation. It seems that our opinions are not what you wanted to hear. You wanted us to say, "You're completely right, your d-i-l should apologize and you're correct to harbor these feelings."

Our responses (and I'm speaking collectively for most, I apologize if I'm out of line with other posters) focus on trying to heal the relationship, not declare you the winner.

Then you must talk with them. I suspect that during the conversation, their views will be substantially different than what you think they are. If this relationship is important enough for you to swallow some pride, which I suspect it is, than talking it out is worth a shot. Either have a very tough conversation one time, or have tough Christmases and Thanksgivings forever....what matters more?

I genuinely hope this helps. It's not easy, but being validated is not what we are about here (at least not me)...it's about healing the relationship.