Gargantuas

Sweetie’s Christmas Present
A “So Bizarre It Has To Be True� Story
By Jason Goldtrap 12.25.06


‘Twas early Christmas morning, around 2am,
When I was awakened by my dear feline friend.
She jumped on the bed, as I deeply dozed.
Then pulled back the cover and dropped something on my toes.
“Sweetie� said I, “Please, go back to sleep.�
And that’s when I felt the mystery slowly creep.
“It must be my imagination� I hoped, then prayed.
“Surely I will stir a bit and this will all go away.�
So my eyes grew heavy, to dreams would I withdraw,
Until on my ankle I felt the slapping of a paw.
For on my feet she’d delivered a lizard still alive,
Which now sought escape, determined to survive.

My body arched backwards, my arms reaching south,
Intent on retrieving this refugee from her mouth.
Behind knees, across thighs it dashed side to side,
Then headed due north, towards my great divide.
But I grabbed it in time with the skill of a surgeon.
Thus I remain, thankfully, a reptilian virgin.
I flew open the blanket and tossed it off the bed.
Hopefully in the morning, I will find it quite dead.
Lord willing, come the next Yuletide season
She will give a better present with forethought and reason.
She’ll just be herself, my little angel wrapped in fur.
And I won’t get the kitty equivalent of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

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