moto_rider

I weep everytime I think about how I let my dad down… please help

Im lost. I weep everytime I think about how I let my dad down. I’m not doing my best in university. I lie to my dad about my grades cuz I don’t want him to be upset. He is supporting me financially and I feel like im just throwing away the money he went thru so much pain to make.

He bought me a condo, a car, and everything else I have. I feel like im a total loser and useless. Im crying right now just typing this. I don’t have a job but I do make very little money on the side on the stock market. However its not enough to support myself. I tell people im a stock trader just to impress them, but im really just a phony.

All I know to do is ride my motorcycle, go have fun, skydiving, etc etc. never anything productive. Im torn but I cant seem to control myself. When I go have fun I just lose myself and not worry about this horrible world I live in. how my gf cheated on me and has been treating me like dirt makes it worse.

Last year I made my dad cry cuz I told him he’s a horrible person and I hate him. Until this day I still regret saying it. He’s the best person in the world and he has supported me in everything that I wanted to do. I love him so much I would take a bullet for him.

I have asked God why cant he just kill me. This way I wont be a leech on my dad anymore and he can invest everything in my 10yo brother. I love my brother and im very sad that I cant be a perfect role model for him. Sometimes I just want to kill myself so my brother has a better chance.
But the only thing keeping me alive is my mom and dad. I tried to kill myself before by ODing in 2004 but I lived.

I don’t know what to do. If I live im just gonna be a leech on my father. If I die my father is going to be very very upset. My grandpa died this year and my father told me he was very very upset and if I die too he’d be torn apart. I don’t want him to be torn and that’s why im alive. But everyday I live in agony.
Plz help me. Please!!!

smellycat

you need to ask Jesus for help,1 day at a time .stop slateing yourself all the time ,evil is tortureing you.read the bible ask for help and you will improve,it,s a very difficult world son,don,t let evil beat you.

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bmc196

What is God saying to you in all this?

Boanerges

Counseling would be a great idea, both personal and career counseling . God won't kill you as He loves you and has plans for you. In this whole world He only brought forth one of you and you are special and unique. You need to seek His face, He will reveal your true calling and purpose.

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Tyler1

It sounds like you know what you have to do. Do it with God in your heart. Trust and listen to Him.

I'd walk to the local gas station and apply for a job, I feel better when I work.

JG27_chili

Moto_rider I will help you any way I can starting with this prayer.

O my Jesus help my brother to stop inflicting pain on himself. Heal my brother, Jesus as only YOU can do. Humble his heart and let him see the light that shines in YOU Lord and let this light shine through him to his brother and Mom n Dad. Moto_rider I REBUKE the lies and negative spirits that haunt you!! In Jesus' name I have the athority to do so!! heal my brother and be whole again! In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN


I dont know you but I love you allready
Chili out.

revlynn

Last year I made my dad cry cuz I told him he’s a horrible person and I hate him. Until this day I still regret saying it. He’s the best person in the world and he has supported me in everything that I wanted to do. I love him so much I would take a bullet for him.

You need to talk to your dad and tell him this. I'm sure there have been times in his life (as there have for most of us) when he has said things that he didn't mean, and that he has regreted intensely afterward. Approach him humbly, tell him you're sorry for what you said and that you didn't really mean it - that it was just in the heat of the moment. Tell him what you really feel, and how much he means to you.

Definitely seek out someone who can counsel with you and sort through your issues. Particularly you need to start seeing yourself as a worthwhile person. As long as you see yourself as a hopeless loser, you will behave like one. Remember, the value of something is the price someone is prepared to pay for it - and the price God was prepared to pay for you was the death of His Son!

Don't give in to thoughts of self-destruction. You can come through this. Take hold of God and don't let go.

blessings,

Lynn

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Whirlwind

Moto - give up the toys that your dad bought you. Give it all back to him, that's why you're feeling down, I bet. You're taking but you still want to go riding, etc. This is what I'd do, myself.

I'd stop taking support from my dad. This would force me to earn things on my own. When I saw how hard it was to earn these things, I'd begin to learn the lesson that going riding and entertainment are meant for rewards for hard work.

The things that I earned would have more meaning to me. I would value them more, over the things that were just given to me.

I didn't take a penny from my folks when I was in college. It was hard! I lived on Top Ramen and bologna for so long! I worked. I got a 3.86GPA. There were times when I had to walk to class...uphill both ways.

Seriously, though...the only way to let someone down is to allow them to expect things from you that you don't expect from yourself. If I was you, I'd show my dad how sorry I was by proving to him that I could be the best at what I'm doing.

It's hard, it's not easy...but it makes you feel fulfilled at the end. Like you were using all of the abilities that God has given you to accomplish something important for His glory.

God bless you, buddy!

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JG27_chili

Well said Whirlwind and I agree with you. It's true. Been there done that