Silverwolf

Have any others felt it? This is how I feel. I cannot understand life or find a place in the world. So many times have I thought suicidal but every time I back down. I'm being tortured inside my own body. I think about life and death, and I want neither. I cannot renounce my own life.

Too many times have I been prone to death. So many times have I injured myself. But no one knows. No one knows the pain I feel inside and no one will ever know because I keep it inside. Not letting my emotions slip away, yet every time they do. No one can save me, people have already tried. I have tried councilors, I have tried friends, but no one understands. They think it's just a phase but they don't understand how serious I really am.

They don't understand when I smile in embarrassment, they cannot see how much pain I really am in. I have no one to lean on, they have all abandoned me. And yet I still come back, from my bottomless pit. There is no where else I can go. I can express things in writing. Poems, stories, a journal. But I am too depressed to write.

I'm breaking inside. Every little memory, I can recall. But no one sees the pain inside me. Everyday I think about the future. A future that will not happen. I shut myself in my room with the curtains drawn. I can't face the world. I want tomorrow to arrive. But it won't. The tomorrow that will never come, since it is always today, always the same. See the pain I hold inside. Foresee the wasted soul I am to be. Alone forevermore.

And yet everyone passes by me. Not thinking about me, or themselves but the person they hold in their heart. I am left only to rely on myself and God. God should be all I need but I see others happy in His love and I wonder why I cannot feel it as well. I deprive myself of all emotions as I realize the time has passed. The time to look and stop this from happening to me. And even if you don't read this, even if you don't care...can you see what has become of me?

I'm not sure how much more I can take. My head feels like it's full of broken glass. I try to escape and pray, but cannot. Everything changes, as the pain reveals itself. I was rusted and weak, and that was the last straw. My friends are going, my life has no meaning, I'm left to drown in my despair. You might not read this, you might not care... I will still be suffocating.

smellycat

i,m feeling very low too.you have just gotta snap out of it.give out love,and you will return love.

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1. GOOD BAD SALVATION

Boanerges

Excessum you are loved here and all will pray for you and help in anyway possible but I recommends Pastoral counseling asap.
You friend, Larry.

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Anything that dims my vision for Christ, or takes away my taste for Bible study, or cramps me in my prayer life, or makes Christian work difficult, is wrong for me; and I must, as a Christian turn away from it. – J. Wilbur Chapman

Ginger

I understand depression. I care about what you are going thru. Please seek professional help.

In the meantime, if you want to talk privately, I'm here. Send me a message. I have had a very difficult life and also contemplated suicide. There is hope for you. You may not be able to see it now, but things can get better - I promise.

I am here if you want to talk.

Ginger

Who am I

While I was reading your post, I was having what you might call flashbacks of my own life.
I understand exactly how you feel. I was like that for most of my adult life. It just kept getting worse. I would wake up and be disappointed that I woke up. I wanted to die just so the pain would stop. Towards the end, I even had a plan. I was going to do it one day, but ended up sitting on the floor and crying all by myself.

October 30, 2005 I was driving down the road thinking about killing myself again. Just moved out of my house 3 days before. My wife wanted a divorce. I got the urge to go talk to someone. My friend recently got married to a pastor. We talked for a while and I left. That was the last day I was suicidal. I still believe it was the fact that I opened up and told someone how I was feeling and that someone knew exactly how to pray for me. God heard her prayers and I was set free.

Go talk to a professional Christian counselor. Someone who can and will pray for you.
Prayer is more powerful than you think.

May God bless you and comfort you. May He give you the strength, and guidance you need to find the person He has waiting to pray for you. In Jesus name, amen.

Someone is out there. God knows who he is and they are waiting to pray for you. Have hope and start looking.

For me, they didn’t come to me. I had to go to them. Let the Holy Spirit guide you.

God bless
Dean

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Blessings to all

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Housesitter

If it would help please feel free to pm me I worked as a Psychologist and lecturer in Psychology and counselling for over 25 years so have some understanding of what you are feeling.
Praying for you.

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Ray
Enjoy a rent free holiday with
Christian House Sitters
www.christian-housesitters.com

Kŗ

The depressing part of this world is that even though we try to be better, God has already told us that we are going to lose. This world will be lost and we who are saved will be removed before the wrath of God is unleashed upon an unbelieving world. We lose this fight though. God removes us from the fallen world and then we win ultimately but for now we are going to lose this fight.

Who am I

2Ti 4:5 But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.
2Ti 4:6 For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.
2Ti 4:7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:
2Ti 4:8 Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.


I may not understand what you mean here, but I don’t look at it as losing. A good fight is one that you don’t lose. The world isn’t depressing. What makes it seem depressing is our perception of it.

What I don’t understand is why you say, “God has already told us that we are going to lose”.
I can’t think of any Scripture that says that.

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Blessings to all

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Kŗ

People lose the good fight all the time. We fight because we are compelled to by our Lord. We will not win, we only achieve that through Jesus who has already won.

He didn't say WIN the good fight. He just tells us to "Fight the good fight.


Besides that, the OP was talking about depression and without hope (Jesus) we are hopeless (without Jesus).

Sometimes us humans like to see victory to be encouraged, we don't always see victory until it's long passed because we lack the ability to see everything from Gods point of view.


We are depressed because we lose sight of the Lord and need our fellowships to revive us and revitalize us. We must wait on the Lord sometimes and we can get discouraged by our own impatience.

Who am I

But what about… “God has already told us that we are going to lose”.
Do you know of any Scripture that says that?
If God really told us that, it should be in the Bible. That’s what I’m looking for.

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Blessings to all

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.