Kŗ

I am lost.
I am the seed that fell on shallow soil that grew a little but after a while died out.
I attend church yet I do not claim to be a Christian any more because I am not living a Christ like life.
I do not have a prayer life because He will not hear my voice until I do the first works.
I do not read the bible, yet I know and understand what the truth is.
I do not live in any major sin other than complacency; I am the salt that has lost its flavor.
I am told to love the lord and I say with my mouth that I do, yet I do not obey him, by seeking his face in everything I do which I know I should.
I would enjoy praying yet in front of my wife, I feel "silly" and I know that I shouldn't.

If you have any questions about where you stand I can help put them into perspective. I am an open book and hope my situation in life can help you avoid ending up where I am today.

How do I turn my life around when I am in this situation? I don't want pity, I want direction and I should pick up my bible and read it until I get direction. I find myself becoming more complacent each day and I don't want my children to follow me down that path.

I don't even know what I am asking or why. I'm sorry I wasted your 2 minutes with my rambling.

SweetSurrender

Hey, I just saw another post from you and wrote you a private message. As you will read, I encourage you to renew your mind by developing a hunger for God by being constantly in His Word. Rediscover what He has for you. Rediscover God. It is the most rewarding thing to find yourself actually thirsting for more and more of Him. If you have not reached this level yet in your life, this is the place to be because others will encourage you in your walk here. But, most of all I wish you would just open the Bible and pretend that it is all new to you and seek Him with all your heart. Seek for answers that have always been there for you. You just need to discover them. And, I would encourage you to speak to your wife about what you want to do and ask her to share in this journey. It will change your life! I promise! Bonnie

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Jax

Hey, Listen, we ALL go through arrid seasons, we all think for a while as you are at the moment, it is known as a wilderness experience.
I am assuming that you are born again, that at some point you gave your life to Christ?
If so it is a covenant made in Blood, and He is honouring it.
Just cry out to Him, tell Him the way you feel, tell Him He is all you have to hold onto.
Open your heart, dont try and make yourself feel beeter, just trust that He has heard your prayer and will meet with you.
Often these times are the times when God is doing the deepest work in our hearts.
Spend a little time every day with Him in His Word and in prayer, dont worry about what you 'feel', for we walk not be feelings but by faith.
Trust Him, I promise He wont let you down.
I have just gone through a similar drought, and God has sent the most wonderful person into my life to stand with me, just when I was beginning to think that I couldnt go on and how could God be with me anymore, and she has shown me that God's love is so much deeper so much more tender than we can even imagine.
Dont give up, He loves you with an everlasting love.

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For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, so that 'WHOSOEVER' believes, shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

freedom07

Hi Kris,
Just by reading your post I know you know the answer to your own question. The only place you will find direction is through Him and the answer can be found in His Word. When we get a place where we cannot even speak (Prayer) to our Savior (Yeshua) in front of our spouse we must ask ourselves, how did I allow myself to reach this low? The Enemy will work on us to keep us down, but there is one who is stronger than he that is in the world so just remember it is not an image that we should try to keep it is a relationship that we should hold onto. Yeshua loves you and He is right there, He has never left. We must humble ourselves to Him for he already know what you are looking for and you cannot find it in man.
My prayers are with you.

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Romans 6:4
4 Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

violet

Kŗ

Thank you for your words. It is true that I know what I must do; I'm just not sure why I haven't done it already.

I look back at my life as it is and I cannot see a clear break between the unsaved or the saved portions of it.

My wife speaks mainly Spanish and understands conversational English, she attend church with me for the right reasons but I believe she is not getting properly fed by the word because of the above stated. My wife knows me better than anyone in the world save God. She sees me for who I am, knows me and knows the lack there of evidence of a spiritual walk in my life.

In order for me to start walking with the Lord again I need support from the men in my community. I need fellowship that will enhance my knowledge, my spiritual life and hold me accountable. I don't have that in my life and I have attended the men’s bible study at my church but there are over 300 men at the bible study and it's really easy to get lost in the crowd.

I need a personal relationship with individuals who I can assist and whom can assist me in the same manner.

violet

Boanerges

And yet you are here- God is lovingly calling You to Himself . You are feeling the gentle drawing of His Spirit and His loving conviction.
Others have said id well- yo know what you need. Lord to whom shall we go for you have the Words of life.
It is time my friend to immerse yourself in His forgiveness, love and fellowship. It is time to sow good seed in your life- read the Word (with the Holy Spirit as your teacher). worship, praise, fellowship- sow to the Spirit. God is waiting arms open wide for the prodigals return.
Much love and many blessings in Jesus Name, your brother Larry.

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Anything that dims my vision for Christ, or takes away my taste for Bible study, or cramps me in my prayer life, or makes Christian work difficult, is wrong for me; and I must, as a Christian turn away from it. – J. Wilbur Chapman

Whirlwind

Hi, Kris!

God is leading you, my Friend! Oh, yeah. He's already given you the answers in your own post above...

You're the seed that fell onto shallow ground...it started to grow but died out. So...there's your lesson. Next time, deepen the rich soil in your own heart. The seed's still there, waiting for the right time to grow. When you feel your seed growing, work the soil underneath it by thinking about your actions. Is it a sin? If it is...then consciously make an effort not to do that thing anymore.

You attend church, but don't consider yourself a Christian because you don't live a Christ-like life. Then start, right now! No better time. Go down onto your knees and pray to Christ. Pour everything out to Him, let Him know how you feel - that you feel you've failed Him. Ask Him for another chance, He'll give it to you.

You don't have a prayer life because he won't hear your voice. Someone, some man, told you that. That's a tradition of man, not of God. Jesus Christ will hear your prayers, no matter who you are. Even the sinners have a voice that God can hear, otherwise God wouldn't hear them when they repented and asked for forgiveness. Believe me, whatever you tell God, He's going to hear you in prayer. You don't need special authorization from any man to pray. God put into your heart that whatever you say to Him goes right to Him...its not rerouted to another man for approval to send on to Him. Right to Him.

You dont read the bible and yet know and understand what the truth is. That's fine. You might know what the truth is...but, my Friend, you also know what evil is. It's in our nature. The bible...it isn't a book of fairy tales told to teach us how to condemn our fellow man. It's an instruction book give to us from the very Mouth of God. It's the Word. It's holy. If you had a letter form the president...you'd read it, right? God's Word is so much more precious that a letter from the president. The president, the queen, judges, kings, governors, senators...they all answer to God. And God wrote all of us the same letter. It's the Holy Bible. You don't have to read the entire book in one sitting. Don't memorize it. Those are different from understanding and learning, putting into practice the words that you read. Take the words into your heart and throw them out in every thing that you do with your life. Practice them in your own life. Chapter by chapter, verse by verse. You can build a mountain with one grain of sand a day.

You don't live in any major sin but complacency. We're all sinners. Follow the above and read the bible, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. You'll know that sometimes you've been sinning without even knowing it. Thoughts can be sin just as much as action. Words can be sin from your tongue. We're filthy with sin, my Friend, until Jesus cleanses us with his Precious Blood.

You're told to love the Lord. If you confess with your mouth that you love the Lord...but don't feel it in your heart...then you're not. This goes back to the seed in your heart that is planted in shallow soil. It blooms, but withers quickly when the roots hit the rock. Increase your faith every day, one grain of sand at a time. Spiritual infancy is a precious time, my Friend. Take time to feed your spiritual child. Nurture yourself. Feed yourself the Word of God. Give freely and cheerfully. Find a big tall tree and just marvel at how how perfect God is to have created something so wonderful. Watch a sunset and realize that man could never duplicate its splendor that God created with a Word of His lips. The child inside of you needs to be fed. Feed your faith and let it grow. When it starts to grow, the love that you're commanded to give to our Lord...you won't be able to hold it back!

Don't pray for your wife. You're not closing your eyes and whispering to her for her approval. You're speaking to God. It's for Him. His glory. Have your wife join you in prayer. Or go into a closet, shut the door, and sink down to your knees and speak with God. He loves you, my Friend. Love Him back and give Him that special attention. Admit that He's your God. Tell Him you're powerless, a sinner, and that you need Him in your life.

Anyways, sorry for the long post...but I wanted you to know that these feelings you have are normal. I felt them in the beginning. You're being led, my Friend. If you're hungry, He's going to feed you (that is, the spiritual infant inside of you is crying out for nourishment...God is never going to let that infant go hungry )

God bless you!

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Chapter-by-Chapter, verse-by-verse.
Jesus is the Living Word.