Taken advantage of?

Jax · 12-31-2007, 06:15 AM

I feel a bit silly sharing this as it isnt really that important but it is biting at me and I dont want to carry it into the new year.
One of my sons is married and has a child.
His wife is from Uganda and we had a lengthy wait following their wedding before they would let her into the country and get a visa etc.
She was pregnant within a month of their wedding and my son had to leave his pregnant wife, and come back to England.
Anyway to cut a long story short, we finally won the case and she came back at 32 weeks pregnant.
Within a week it was discovered she had placenta preavia (the placenta covers the cervix) and she was quite ill.
She eventually haemorreged and had an emergency c-section three weeks early, the little boy Jordan, is alive and well and I praise God for that.
Anyway throughout this time I did all the running around, court cases in London, flights contributed to when they didnt have enough, hospital appointments, things for the baby, all the things that families should do for each other.
I am generous on birthdays and at Christmas, spending as much as I can on each of their gifts.
I babysit, and I do my best with God's grace, to be a good parent and grandparent.
This last Christmas (the fourth in a row) my son and his wife came for Christmas lunch , once again they bought nothing with them, no presents no contribution to the lunch (remember I have 8 children and some are married and have children) so that's a lot of food!
My son had said to me the day before 'mum I havent been paid so cant get anything, but will as soon as I do get paid'.
That's ok I thought, knowing that his wife is also working in a well paid job (what was wrong with her doing it?)
Anyway seven days on, I get reports that they have been out and bought a new computer, been clothes shopping in the sales,
but not a word about any presents they said they would get.
My son is the sort that if he has a need, rings up and asks, and that's ok, that's what family is about,
I like to help, I get them bits of shopping when they have been short and babysit etc.
Why do I feel so narked?
Is it because it is yet another Christmas ( they are the same on birthdays btw) nothing comes from their end,
and yet they take, take , take, and not just from us, my older son is fed up with it,
they have a good income for a one child family, they have a nice apartment, and yet they dont even realise, it seems, that it is give and take, not just take.
Am I being picky, should I confront him or just let it go.
My feeling is 'ok, I wont do anymore for you',
but then I feel Jesus says we shouldnt repay evil with evil.
I am not sure my son even comprehends that that it is part of life to also give, or does he?
Does he feel 'oh good' got away with it again?.
I dont want to sound self righteous,
but I have tried so hard to help get them on their feet after a difficult start, often sacrificing important stuff to help them,
I really feel that to buy your parents a gift at Christmas or for birthdays isnt too much to expect.
I know I need to forgive him, and I dont give to get but Christmas is about giving, and for this to continually happen, well as I said, should I say something or just drop it?

violet · 12-31-2007, 07:10 AM

Hey Jax, how are you?
Well...I do understand your feelings, honest. I have felt that way many times.
But~ What I have learned is to not expect things in return, no matter what you do for someone, if it's from your heart~
I'm not blaming you, just telling you what I have found on my own.
If we dwell too much on what people don't do when we feel they should, too much resentment fills our heart and we end up only hurting ourselves with these bad feelings....which will then hurt our relationships.
I feel the Bible tells us to give and keep giving, never to expect anything back~

Please know I DO understand how you feel.
trust me.

Don't let it eat away at you though~
Love, Violet

smellycat · 12-31-2007, 10:12 AM

good topic.try getting novelty gifts,worth 5 pounds or so,and change the way money innfluences christmas.

Jax · 12-31-2007, 11:15 AM

Violet you are absolutely right of course, give and expect nothing.
It is just so hard when it is someone who is supposed to love you.
But I am choosing to forgive and let go
God bless.

Boanerges · 12-31-2007, 01:38 PM

Sometimes it is best just to clear the air . Maybe you should talk to your son about the way he is making you feel. Let him know it is not the money involved but the lack of consideration that hurts your feelings. Wheather you go with this or not it is of utmost importance that you forgive him and release him into Jesus hands.
Much love in Jesus Name, Larry.

Whirlwind · 12-31-2007, 04:53 PM

I started feeling this way at home over the weekend. For different reasons, of course.

I was taking down all of the decorations. I built some more shelves. I found out the water was leaking under the kitchen sink and was causing a bacteria riot under there. It snowed! So I shoveled the walkway. I did laundry on my days off. Swept.

Hey, I thought! When does everybody else do something!?

How come I'm always give-give-give and everybody else is satisfied with take-take-take!?

I cooked, slamming pots and pans around, did dishes. I cleaned out the fridge because I was afraid something in there was going to fossilize before too much longer. Give-give-give.

The bible tells me that I'm to be a servant. I shouldn't complain, I should give all I can, and I should do it with a smile on my face. But where do I draw the line? I was exhausted!

So I sat down to read, and what I read was that I should never grow tired of doing good.

All these things that I was doing, I knew, were good. They made the house look better, they took a load off everybody else when they got home from work. They enjoy my cooking. These things are good.

I prayed for strength, and kept repeating to myself - never get tired of doing good.

That's what I thought of when I read your story, my friend.

God bless you and I hope you have a wonderful new year!

Boanerges · 12-31-2007, 04:59 PM

You are a born encourager WW!

violet · 12-31-2007, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jax

Violet you are absolutely right of course, give and expect nothing.
It is just so hard when it is someone who is supposed to love you.
But I am choosing to forgive and let go
God bless.

Jax, I'm sure they do love you very much!

We don't know what is going on in people's minds, how they think, why they do what they do.

They're still very young and carefree about life.
They'll learn through you and your loving influences, over time~

Love to you!
Violet

violet · 12-31-2007, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whirlwind

I started feeling this way at home over the weekend. For different reasons, of course.

I was taking down all of the decorations. I built some more shelves. I found out the water was leaking under the kitchen sink and was causing a bacteria riot under there. It snowed! So I shoveled the walkway. I did laundry on my days off. Swept.

Hey, I thought! When does everybody else do something!?

How come I'm always give-give-give and everybody else is satisfied with take-take-take!?

I cooked, slamming pots and pans around, did dishes. I cleaned out the fridge because I was afraid something in there was going to fossilize before too much longer. Give-give-give.

The bible tells me that I'm to be a servant. I shouldn't complain, I should give all I can, and I should do it with a smile on my face. But where do I draw the line? I was exhausted!

So I sat down to read, and what I read was that I should never grow tired of doing good.

All these things that I was doing, I knew, were good. They made the house look better, they took a load off everybody else when they got home from work. They enjoy my cooking. These things are good.

I prayed for strength, and kept repeating to myself - never get tired of doing good.

That's what I thought of when I read your story, my friend.

God bless you and I hope you have a wonderful new year!

Whirlwind, you are a wise man!
With that attitude, it makes doing for others a real pleasure.

KitsapGirl · 12-31-2007, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whirlwind

I started feeling this way at home over the weekend. For different reasons, of course.

I was taking down all of the decorations. I built some more shelves. I found out the water was leaking under the kitchen sink and was causing a bacteria riot under there. It snowed! So I shoveled the walkway. I did laundry on my days off. Swept.

Hey, I thought! When does everybody else do something!?

How come I'm always give-give-give and everybody else is satisfied with take-take-take!?

I cooked, slamming pots and pans around, did dishes. I cleaned out the fridge because I was afraid something in there was going to fossilize before too much longer. Give-give-give.

The bible tells me that I'm to be a servant. I shouldn't complain, I should give all I can, and I should do it with a smile on my face. But where do I draw the line? I was exhausted!

So I sat down to read, and what I read was that I should never grow tired of doing good.

All these things that I was doing, I knew, were good. They made the house look better, they took a load off everybody else when they got home from work. They enjoy my cooking. These things are good.

I prayed for strength, and kept repeating to myself - never get tired of doing good.

That's what I thought of when I read your story, my friend.

God bless you and I hope you have a wonderful new year!

Exactly how I have been feeling lately. I mean, would it hurt someone to pick up their dirty socks & put them in the hamper?

Instead, I go on singing "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice!" it's a song you can sing while ticked at the world, and it actually starts to make you feel better.

Hang in there guys. It may not ever get better, but your hard word really doesn't go unnoticed.

12-31-2007, 06:15 AM	#1 (permalink)
Jax Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Nr London Posts: 1,239 Rep Power: 2	Taken advantage of? I feel a bit silly sharing this as it isnt really that important but it is biting at me and I dont want to carry it into the new year. One of my sons is married and has a child. His wife is from Uganda and we had a lengthy wait following their wedding before they would let her into the country and get a visa etc. She was pregnant within a month of their wedding and my son had to leave his pregnant wife, and come back to England. Anyway to cut a long story short, we finally won the case and she came back at 32 weeks pregnant. Within a week it was discovered she had placenta preavia (the placenta covers the cervix) and she was quite ill. She eventually haemorreged and had an emergency c-section three weeks early, the little boy Jordan, is alive and well and I praise God for that. Anyway throughout this time I did all the running around, court cases in London, flights contributed to when they didnt have enough, hospital appointments, things for the baby, all the things that families should do for each other. I am generous on birthdays and at Christmas, spending as much as I can on each of their gifts. I babysit, and I do my best with God's grace, to be a good parent and grandparent. This last Christmas (the fourth in a row) my son and his wife came for Christmas lunch , once again they bought nothing with them, no presents no contribution to the lunch (remember I have 8 children and some are married and have children) so that's a lot of food! My son had said to me the day before 'mum I havent been paid so cant get anything, but will as soon as I do get paid'. That's ok I thought, knowing that his wife is also working in a well paid job (what was wrong with her doing it?) Anyway seven days on, I get reports that they have been out and bought a new computer, been clothes shopping in the sales, but not a word about any presents they said they would get. My son is the sort that if he has a need, rings up and asks, and that's ok, that's what family is about, I like to help, I get them bits of shopping when they have been short and babysit etc. Why do I feel so narked? Is it because it is yet another Christmas ( they are the same on birthdays btw) nothing comes from their end, and yet they take, take , take, and not just from us, my older son is fed up with it, they have a good income for a one child family, they have a nice apartment, and yet they dont even realise, it seems, that it is give and take, not just take. Am I being picky, should I confront him or just let it go. My feeling is 'ok, I wont do anymore for you', but then I feel Jesus says we shouldnt repay evil with evil. I am not sure my son even comprehends that that it is part of life to also give, or does he? Does he feel 'oh good' got away with it again?. I dont want to sound self righteous, but I have tried so hard to help get them on their feet after a difficult start, often sacrificing important stuff to help them, I really feel that to buy your parents a gift at Christmas or for birthdays isnt too much to expect. I know I need to forgive him, and I dont give to get but Christmas is about giving, and for this to continually happen, well as I said, should I say something or just drop it? Last edited by Jax; 12-31-2007 at 07:02 AM. Reason: spe

12-31-2007, 07:10 AM	#2 (permalink)
violet Join Date: May 2007 Location: England Posts: 8,175 Blog Entries: 13 Rep Power: 10	Hey Jax, how are you? Well...I do understand your feelings, honest. I have felt that way many times. But~ What I have learned is to not expect things in return, no matter what you do for someone, if it's from your heart~ I'm not blaming you, just telling you what I have found on my own. If we dwell too much on what people don't do when we feel they should, too much resentment fills our heart and we end up only hurting ourselves with these bad feelings....which will then hurt our relationships. I feel the Bible tells us to give and keep giving, never to expect anything back~ Please know I DO understand how you feel. trust me. Don't let it eat away at you though~ Love, Violet __________________ Violet Matthew 10:38 ....he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

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12-31-2007, 10:12 AM	#3 (permalink)
smellycat Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: uk Posts: 5,544 Rep Power: 7	good topic.try getting novelty gifts,worth 5 pounds or so,and change the way money innfluences christmas.

12-31-2007, 11:15 AM	#4 (permalink)
Jax Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Nr London Posts: 1,239 Rep Power: 2	Violet you are absolutely right of course, give and expect nothing. It is just so hard when it is someone who is supposed to love you. But I am choosing to forgive and let go God bless.

12-31-2007, 01:38 PM	#5 (permalink)
Boanerges Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St Rose LA Posts: 16,712 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 18	Sometimes it is best just to clear the air . Maybe you should talk to your son about the way he is making you feel. Let him know it is not the money involved but the lack of consideration that hurts your feelings. Wheather you go with this or not it is of utmost importance that you forgive him and release him into Jesus hands. Much love in Jesus Name, Larry.

12-31-2007, 04:53 PM	#6 (permalink)
Whirlwind Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Central Oregon Posts: 2,947 Rep Power: 3	I started feeling this way at home over the weekend. For different reasons, of course. I was taking down all of the decorations. I built some more shelves. I found out the water was leaking under the kitchen sink and was causing a bacteria riot under there. It snowed! So I shoveled the walkway. I did laundry on my days off. Swept. Hey, I thought! When does everybody else do something!? How come I'm always give-give-give and everybody else is satisfied with take-take-take!? I cooked, slamming pots and pans around, did dishes. I cleaned out the fridge because I was afraid something in there was going to fossilize before too much longer. Give-give-give. The bible tells me that I'm to be a servant. I shouldn't complain, I should give all I can, and I should do it with a smile on my face. But where do I draw the line? I was exhausted! So I sat down to read, and what I read was that I should never grow tired of doing good. All these things that I was doing, I knew, were good. They made the house look better, they took a load off everybody else when they got home from work. They enjoy my cooking. These things are good. I prayed for strength, and kept repeating to myself - never get tired of doing good. That's what I thought of when I read your story, my friend. God bless you and I hope you have a wonderful new year!

12-31-2007, 04:59 PM	#7 (permalink)
Boanerges Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St Rose LA Posts: 16,712 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 18	You are a born encourager WW!