Ginger

Recently, my husband had an emotional affair with a woman in church. I believe it started innocently enough and ended before it became sexual.

I wasn't upset at first as I thought he was trying to be helpful and I felt compassion for her. He told me about it because his feelings had become confused. I told him that I thought he needed time to get his emotions in line again and the best way to do that is to end all contact with her for at least two weeks.

To make a long story short, she somehow turned the whole situation around and painted me as a villian and herself as my victim. She has maintained that she did nothing wrong and that it is all in my insecure head. She even went so far as to claim she saved my marriage and hopes God will use her in this way again.

My pastor and the handful of people who have heard all sides from all parties involved agree the relationship was inappropriate, but seem unwilling to say anything. This has caused her to gloat, thinking she has everyone believing her. Her words and actions since the relationship ended have been extremely hurtful to me. Their answer is do nothing. "God will take care of it." My answer is Galatians 6:1.

I am hurt that they would allow the lies she has told against me stand. My hurt provokes me to anger at those seem more worried about her feelings than her soul.

I don't know how to let go of the hurt and anger I feel toward my church family. I feel like the only way I can let this go is to leave my church of thirteen years and find a new place to worship.

Boanerges

Your husband needs to get his act together and repent. He has no business given place to another as you are his wife. My prayers are with all involved.

__________________

Ginger

My husband did confess, repent and is doing his best to repair. He stepped down from his position at church on his own accord.

I forgive him. I forgave her also, but I am struggling with that part once again as she has not repented, but instead lied and slandered me to cover her errors.

I am usually very good at forgiving, but it is very difficult to let go while the situation remains unresolved.

She has been so bold. In an email she said,

. I am still madly in love with the way our Lord chose to work in my life the first weeks in January. ...


..... I will sing Psalm 26 over and over again with joy and confidence in our Lord's plan for me - and pray that the Lord will choose to use me again this way in the future.

What I regret is not seeing the devil's hand in all of this until it was too late. ........ I believe that was the devil's first step through (husband) .........

I also believe the devil got his mitts into (husband) Monday night meeting with (Pastor & friend ) - .........

....... - then I fear the devil may have been holding your tong .......

..... - so the devil had to work fast on Saturday. He planted the seed of falsehood in (husband) and the seeds of anger and apathy in you -

How arrogant is that?

What I don't understand is why the 3 people who know all of this do nothing.

I am just not sure if I am sinning by feeling angry. I think it is righteous anger, but what do I do with it so that I don't sin.

I want to send a letter to SPPRC - I think they should have been informed at the start. I think it is the right thing to do according to Scripture. (Gal 6:1)

SweetSurrender

Please don't take this in the wrong way, but it appears to me that it is more than righteous indignation. I assume you have prayed a lot about what to do or if further action need be taken. What would Christ do in this situation?

Can you see that moving on spiritually might be better for you and your husband than continuing in fighting? I'm not sure I am explaining it right, but take a look at how it will appear if you won, and everyone turned against her.

I think they already see through her, but hesitate to get involved because it seems to have worked itself out. With your husband resigning on his own, it appears to the congregation that he is admitting his wrongdoing. It is never a good idea to discuss private marriage matters with a person of the opposite sex, or with someone of the same sex for that matter.

But, if you can see yourself just ignoring her emails and judgemental actions and get on with your life of making a stronger marriage, I think you would come out looking a lot better than if you continue in the way you are thinking. Does that make sense? Don't set yourself up to be manipulated by this woman, or force your husband to see another side of you. It would be better for him to see sincere forgiveness and attention to your marriage.

Good luck, honey, I know how hurtful it is. I'll be praying for ya. Bonnie

__________________
I gently laid it all down to God in sweet surrender. And I heard Him whisper "Daughter."

NearertoGod

I'm not exactly sure how to phrase this, I find this an extremely emotional, painful, and confusing situation.

First and foremost - if your church knows it's wrong they should do something. Not literally boot the lady out of church but tell her what she's doing is offensive and that you shouldn't dig into people's personal relationships like that (IMO: in my opinion).

I would say, who gave her the authority to "help" you guys? Aren't there marriage counselors for those kinds of situations? Particulary Christian Marriage Counselors?

Then, for her to walk around gloating and acting proud about the situation is worse.

Maybe getting someone to help the situation or telling her face-to-face that you don't appreciate this kind of behavior could help.

But praying will also help.

I'm sure God will help you - if it's right or wrong.

__________________
Please call me NTG, Near, N, or NearertoGod!

Nearer to God - Everyday of my life I am NEARER TO GOD.

Salvation is for everyone, regardless of WHO or WHAT you are, or WHERE you live. God loves everyone.

There is power in Love; there is power in Faith - God is my Love and I put all my Faith in Him.

Ginger

NearertoGod, After I found out, she told me she had initiated the relationship as she needed someone to talk to about issues she was having. I thought her intentions were good at the time and the issue was really about my husband's emotions becoming confused. I told her I believed God would use this situation for good and draw my husband and I closer together. Later, she used my words to claim she had saved my marriage and justify herself.

Sweetsurrender, I agree and am not fighting with her. This is why I am considering finding a new church. But will I be able to let go of the hurt and anger toward those in authority who do nothing? I think I have to report this to SPPRC so that I can have a clear conscience knowing I did what is right according to Scripture (Eze 3:20-21).

I have already done Matthew 18:15. I am asking the church to do Galatians 6:1. I feel that is the right thing to do.

Unfortunately I don't think doing the right thing changes my circumstances. I will still have to find a new church.

I am waiting until the end of the school year to make a final decision about leaving or staying.

Thank you for your guidance.

Ginger

Boanerges

Ginger I will continue to pray for you and your situation. Seek God's face and let Him decide on your next move.

__________________

Pols

Ginger, I will pray for you for wisdom as to God's will and plans for you.
Forgiveness is essential, but you also need to ensure that you are not placing yourself in a position of abuse.
It is important that you don't move church in offence, you will never move on with unresolved hurts, but at the same time if you are not able to trust or feel supported by those who should love and care for you pastorally, then that will be an ongoing need.

Just because you forgive someone, doesn't necessarily mean that they are right with God. You are just releasing yourself from their power to hurt you from that thing, but they will still have to answer to God if they haven't sought forgiveness themselves. That's a pretty fearful thing, maybe we need to pray that this lady gets a dose of the fear of God in her life and is able to see her need for repentance?

Try to ask the Lord to show you why your pastors are not willing to do anything about this? Ask them( respectfully) to explain what the Lord is showing them, so you can understand.

As the others have said, God will lead you and guide you. He has the answers. Just keep your heart humble and choose to forgive over and over if you need to. When you are tempted to dwell on hurt, just choose to forgive- as an act of your will. You will be keeping yourself open to God's blessing on your life that way

Jax

Keep your heart right Ginger and I promise God will take care of it.
I know that in these situations we all want to be proved innocent when we know we are, and I believe providing we do things God's way, He will vindicate you.

As Pols said, dont leave the church in offence ,because you will take that burden with you, as painful as it is, let God work this out to His ends and see His Glory manifested.
Prayers are with you.

__________________
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, so that 'WHOSOEVER' believes, shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

Ginger

I was at church tonight for a study. I ran into one of the people I am angry with. I spoke with her and told her I know she means well and would never intentionally hurt anyone, etc, etc. And I asked her if we could pray together. We both prayed for forgiveness and unity in handling this situation, It was very good.

When I was leaving, the pastor asked if I had time to talk before going home. I agreed. He apologized. THat was a huge surprise. He is not known for apologizing. Altho I don't feel any warm fuzzies toward him, I forgave him. Hopefully this situation will continue to improve.

Thanks for your prayers.

Ginger