DOER-OF-RIGHT

First and foremost, thank you very much everyone for being such an inspiration and such a good help to everyone else who needs them... God indeed uses this forum mightily...

When my mom prayed that I have a dorm or BOARDING HOUSE at my request, it was a miracle. A woman randomly informed her of this boarding house. And I instantly had it. It is very clean, and I have 2 boardmates (we're all guys).

The dorm caretaker's relatives live with us in this beautiful boarding house as well, and they also take care of and clean the house.

OUR CARETAKER is a 68 years old woman. She is very bitter, always shouting randomly, especially at her relatives, and continues to alienate them. She criticizes the three of us boarders to each other, BEHIND OUR BACKS. Whe she admitted us, I asked her about any rules of the house,and she didn't tell me any rules. But then, she started pointing out our faults which turned out to be violations of her rules --such as:
-always walk silently in the hallway
-never put dirty clothes under a particular cabinet
-never talk outside the house at 10 pm
-wear slippers only in the second floor, NEVER SHOES..
-never leave books in any table -always at a designated place.
-never leave any lights on.

It is quite insane. We have to discover the "rules of the house" ourselves, by learning what she RUMORED to others behind our backs.

But the rules are not consistent. For instance, the rule always walk silently in the hallway --she sometimes does it herself, and her relatives.
The rule -never put dirty clothes --why not?
The rule never talk outside-- that's reportedly because she was already sleeping, but her relatives tell us this is not true.. besides, even at midnight, she goes out of her room to turn off any lights in the house.
--The rule never leave any lights on --is quite insane too. Imagine, while i am using the sala, I leave it to get something. But she will turn off the light (to save electricity). But isn't this damaging to the electrical outlets (the constant turn-on and turn-off).

She always looks for faults to rumor us about. And when someone tries to talk to her, she shuts him off and displays RUDE behavior to him.

She expects payment of the dorm at due date, and BECOMES VERY MAD whenever someone is a little late.

Now you ask, why don't we complain her to the HOUSE OR DORM OWNER? Because our Dorm owner's nanny is our caretaker! She would call our dorm owner, who is in another country, through long distance calls, and report any behavior to our and her relatives' prejudice. Sadly, our dorm owner believes her, as she was her nanny.

Our caretaker, needless to say, is VERY POWERFUL in our house. But I don't want to leave this house. It is such a clean house, and it started the miracles in my life. And I really study well because of it, etc, etc.

Through our caretaker's stories and her relatives', I began to know that she has lived in poverty all her life. They were a family of 13 children. One of her dreams is to study even just in college, but it was not fulfilled. A total spinster, she had to let go of her suitor then because she bore the brunt of the family, working as a helper in this house since her youth, to help her siblings. But she HATES her siblings, and her nephews and nieces.
She was also treated cruelly by our owner's grand-aunt before in her youth, when she was already working as a maid in this house.
She pleaded for her father to let her study even in high school, but she was forced to work as a maid and she finished only elementary.

As manifestations of her bitterness, she constantly bickers at her relatives in the house for even the small things, and constantly shouts in the house. Specifically, she had gained some "mind" control over her nephew Michael, who IS NOW 28, a formerly insecure and pessimistic man who obeys her and is secretly afraid of her.

Through God's grace, I bought christian books, and shared the Gospel to Michael, and I have become his friend. He is now smiling, he now looks young (before he really looked old), and he now has a more positive attitude towards life and about himself.

Our caretaker is sensitive to music, so as a singer, I sing the song "CHOOSE TO FORGIVE" around the house, hoping that she might pick up some of its message.

I have given her gifts, and have smiled at her a lot of times.

I have instructed my christian friend to tell her "accidentally" --"Oh, you must be the caretaker! I have heard a lot of good things about you, that you really keep the house clean, that you are careful, that you are a good obsever"...

I left a christian book about letting go of bitterness on the table, and I saw her secretly reading it... (although i never saw her reading it again).

I know that these actions are not enough. Her new target is her nephew Simon.

PLS ADVICE ME... HOW DO I DEAL WITH HER BITTERNESS AND UNFORGIVING SPIRIT? HOW CAN HER BITTERNESS BE BROKEN? WHAT ARE THE ACTIONS I CAN TAKE? Remember, she is now 68 years old. She is quite at THE END OF HER YEARS. The results of her terrorizing ripple through the house...especially at her relatives...

Thank you very much!

smellycat

put some good advice posters on the wall.like,"think what you say before you speak""do to others as you would have done to yourself etc."getting people to think is difficult.

DOER-OF-RIGHT

Also, dear brothers and sisters...I would like to ask for advice, what do I tell her, regarding her QUESTIONS: Why has she become poor all her life? Why was she allowed to have her DREAMS unfulfilled..? Why wasn't she given a chance..?

Thank you very much!

Theophilus

Just as you are From your post it seems you are doing quite well. Remember all things are for the good of those who love him. Yes. . . even the unpleasent ones. Every relationship is of benifit in God's plan.


Perhps it is not God's will that her bitterness be broken. Perhaps it needs to be sanded away or melted down over time with love by workmen such as yourself?
Do as the holy Spirit guides you. Continue as you are in love and faith.

Sincerely
His
Cliff

Boanerges

That is sound advice Cliff.

Who am I

This is what came to mind for me.
Act 8:23 For I perceive that thou art in the gall of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity.

Adam Clarke has this to say.
Act 8:23 -
The gall of bitterness - A Hebraism for excessive bitterness: gall, wormwood, and such like, were used to express the dreadful effects of sin in the soul; the bitter repentance, bitter regret, bitter sufferings, bitter death, etc., etc., which it produces. In Deu_29:18, idolatry and its consequences are expressed, by having among them a root that beareth Gall and Wormwood. And in Heb_12:15, some grievous sin is intended, when the apostle warns them, lest any root of Bitterness springing up, trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.
Bond of iniquity - An allusion to the mode in which the Romans secured their prisoners, chaining the right hand of the prisoner to the left hand of the soldier who guarded him; as if the apostle had said, Thou art tied and bound by the chain of thy sin; justice hath laid hold upon thee, and thou hast only a short respite before thy execution, to see if thou wilt repent.

You know her better than any of us… so… ultimately, you will have to decide what is the best way to approach her. And timing may be crucial. You may just have to ask her someday, “are you saved?” “would you like to be saved?”

Psa 118:6 The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?

God bless you
Dean

__________________
Blessings to all

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

BreathOfGod

It sounds like you are doing many right things already.

I agree with what Cliff said about her bitterness being sanded away over time. Remember that she has had 68 years to build up all the bitterness and resentment. It is probably not going to change over night. Sometimes personal problem take longer to release and let go of, than they do to incur in the first place.



There are never easy answers to questions like this. Sometimes only God can answer these questions.

Whirlwind

*shrugs* I don't know...her rules don't seem to be rules out of cruelty. If you follow them, they'll become habit for you over time.

This old battle...err, this elderly woman didn't get elderly by accident. I'm 38, but sometimes my fuse becomes short when there's kids in my house (usually 10-18).

I went to visit my mom recently, and I saw on the armrest of her new couch was written in permanent marker "Michael". That's my nephew. I asked her what was going on. She said she didn't know, nothing she said seemed to sink into him...maybe I could talk to him?

My mom put me in charge of doing that in her house by asking me.

So I went and got my nephew, made him fill up a bucket of soapy-hot water, and made him sit there and scrub his name over and over and over again. "It won't come out!" he told me in disgust. "Then you're not finished," I told him. "Took you less than a minute to get your name in there, it's going to take you longer to take it out. Maybe next time, you'll find something better to do with your less-than-a-minute."

Same thing here, I think. The owner put this elderly woman in charge of her property...to take care of it for her. It sounds like there's a lesson here somewhere in this old lady's teachings. Some of the people that I admire the most today are people who taught me responsibility in my actions when I was younger.

Taking off your shoes is going to benefit you down the road - it's going to keep your house looking nice, and it's going to make being quiet for your neighbor just common sense.

If she doesn't want you to put clothes under a cabinet...then don't. She's in care of the building, my dear little friend. Following rules isn't always fun, but the world is filled with rules that we all have to follow that aren't fun. I myself would just love to go squirt dish soap into a fountain and then roll around in the bubbles and laugh...but I've learned by the rules that if I do that, it's going to ruin someone else's idea of good fun.

Just think of it like this - this house was a blessing, right? Your mom and you prayed for this to happen. So God did His part. Now it's your turn to do yours. Follow the rules carefully, don't complain, do your share.

If this lady really makes you angry...then heap a bunch of hot coals onto her head! Oh yeah! You can do that! By making her your friend, giving her a little gift that extends your appreciation...you'll be heaping coals onto her head.

If she's your enemy, then the best way to completely destroy your enemy is by making them your friend.

Maybe nobody's ever done that for her before...yeesh, I'd be cranky too!

__________________
Chapter-by-Chapter, verse-by-verse.
Jesus is the Living Word.

DOER-OF-RIGHT

Blessing of blessings!!! Just yesterday, Michael started sharing to me about the things that he has read in the christian book I left.

Michael began sharing, "I never knew the curse of poverty can be broken... that I can choose to go beyond my circumstances, with God's help and empowerment... I realized we should not be complaining and instead focus on the blessings given to us..."

What Michael doesn't realize is HE IS HELPING ME PUT SOME EFFECT ON OUR CARETAKER, HIS AUNT.... IMAGINE... He was sharing those things while our caretaker was nearby, hearing everything...

And to add to that, I said, "you know what Michael, I got mad at this lady cashier for her poor service, and shouted a little at her. And look, I felt bad, and my day didn't go well. You know what, I repented of that. I know that every BAD THING WE SAY TO OTHERS, WILL SOMEHOW COME BACK TO US, because what we sow, we reap. (it's in the Bible)."
And I was saying this while our caretaker was hearing everything.

Also, I made my singing voice louder as I sang "Choose to Forgive, placing BITTERNESS aside, and with God's love decide to forgive, choose to forgive, life and healing will reign, when we choose in God's name to forgive, choose to forgive."

These past few days, I began to SMILE THE BIGGEST AT MY CARETAKER, whenever I am about to leave the house or enter it. aND I now add "God bless!"

MY FRIENDS, THE BATTLE LINE HAS JUST BEEN FORMALLY DRAWN. I am determined to sow joy into her heart, BUT SHE IS AS DETERMINED TO LET IT STAY AS BITTER AS EVER.

The other day, I paid the rent to her, and we did not even talk. I just sat across her. And THEN, MY HEAD SUDDENLY BEGAN TO ACHE, AND I BECAME DRAINED OF ENERGY THROUGHOUT THE DAY. Then I thought, "what happened? she was not even shouting at me..."
Yesterday, when I left the house, I said, "God bless!" and gave her the biggest smile... in return, SHE NOW TURNED HER FACE AWAY AND ACTED AS IF SHE HEARD NOTHING. The battle has begun.

The Lord is good, everything that has been happening lately, is surely HIS WORK!!!

By the way, I have shared the gospel already to Michael.

Whirlwind, thank you. However, what I am mainly concerned about is HER IMPACT TOWARDS HER RELATIVES, ESPECIALLY HER NEPHEWS. HER BITTERNESS somehow seeps through them, because she is always SHOUTING at them. And I am also affected because I am studying in the house.
Also, her rules, as I mentioned are VERY INCONSISTENT. She changes them, and changes them, primarily so she can find fault in any "violators".

BreathOfGod

It is great to see that God is doing a work where you are. Even more wonderful to see the complete change in your outlook on the situation. In your first post you sounded down and doubtful about things, but now you sound so joyful and full of hope.