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Faithwoman · 03-29-2008, 10:16 PM

Malissa,
Hi there! I can relate very much to what you are going through. I am currently dating a Christian .. been 20 months now.. Early on in the relationship he shared with me that his weakness was porn. When he was not in a relationship, this was a “safe” way for his sexual release. He also shared that when he was not in a relationship that he had a “casual friend” that was just a physical relationship. He wanted me to know that because she was very persistent and she may call and he did not want to hide anything from me.

After 1 week of dating he gave me my own garage door opener to his home. All in his home was mine. He wanted to share in regards to the porn in case I may have stumbled upon something. Well he was pretty honest in the beginning. But , I like you had many hurts and pains from the past , which then made me fall prey to being the Top Snoop Queen.. was it something I was proud of ? NO! but hey man I was going to protect myself from getting hurt again! You see in all my relationships all I wanted was for a man to love me.. yes there was sex involved in these relationships. I had to learn there was one man that loved me .. and that was the Lord.. He is my Mr. Right.

At the beginning of the year, my Pastor told me instead of making a New Years resolution to find a New Years Verse. I chose Proverbs 3: 5-6.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
Lean not on your own understanding
Acknowledge him in all ways
He shall make your paths straight!

Wow now how awesome is that! Shortly into the New Year, I was led to sexual purity. Yes at the age of 46.. Now sexual purity is so much more than just not having sex. It includes so much from everything we think of to all we look at. It is easy? NO.. but worth it? Yes.. So then I found myself in this relationship with a 50 year old Batchelor, whom I had been intimate with but now after prayer on both parts, declared this.
You see we pray to the Lord to show us our paths as individuals, and as a couple, but then kind of say. oh by the way Lord.. can you ignore that heated passionate Sat nite? Get the picture?

The bottom line ( I am not good at keeping things short!) is that with declaring my sexual purity, it led my heart and eyes to why I did not trust men in my life including the man I am with. The Lord finally helped me examine my own heart as to why I was the way I was. I was to quick to want to always find fault and weaknesses in others, but did not want to look at my own. We are not to judge! only the Lord can judge. What a lesson for me!

Ok.. so in December , my gentleman friend had a conviction from the Lord to throw out his porn tapes.. and yes I know exactly how you felt as a woman as I am sure many woman do when their man is looking at porn. It makes us feel unworthy and not beautiful. I had to learn to love myself and recognize that I am beautiful in the Lord’s eyes. God is a perfectionist. He does not create mistakes. He created me and he created you.

Ok go to Part 2 as I am afraid of running out of room.
Faithwoman

03-29-2008, 10:16 PM	#21 (permalink)
Faithwoman Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New York Posts: 422 Rep Power: 1	Relating Part 1 Malissa, Hi there! I can relate very much to what you are going through. I am currently dating a Christian .. been 20 months now.. Early on in the relationship he shared with me that his weakness was porn. When he was not in a relationship, this was a “safe” way for his sexual release. He also shared that when he was not in a relationship that he had a “casual friend” that was just a physical relationship. He wanted me to know that because she was very persistent and she may call and he did not want to hide anything from me. After 1 week of dating he gave me my own garage door opener to his home. All in his home was mine. He wanted to share in regards to the porn in case I may have stumbled upon something. Well he was pretty honest in the beginning. But , I like you had many hurts and pains from the past , which then made me fall prey to being the Top Snoop Queen.. was it something I was proud of ? NO! but hey man I was going to protect myself from getting hurt again! You see in all my relationships all I wanted was for a man to love me.. yes there was sex involved in these relationships. I had to learn there was one man that loved me .. and that was the Lord.. He is my Mr. Right. At the beginning of the year, my Pastor told me instead of making a New Years resolution to find a New Years Verse. I chose Proverbs 3: 5-6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart Lean not on your own understanding Acknowledge him in all ways He shall make your paths straight! Wow now how awesome is that! Shortly into the New Year, I was led to sexual purity. Yes at the age of 46.. Now sexual purity is so much more than just not having sex. It includes so much from everything we think of to all we look at. It is easy? NO.. but worth it? Yes.. So then I found myself in this relationship with a 50 year old Batchelor, whom I had been intimate with but now after prayer on both parts, declared this. You see we pray to the Lord to show us our paths as individuals, and as a couple, but then kind of say. oh by the way Lord.. can you ignore that heated passionate Sat nite? Get the picture? The bottom line ( I am not good at keeping things short!) is that with declaring my sexual purity, it led my heart and eyes to why I did not trust men in my life including the man I am with. The Lord finally helped me examine my own heart as to why I was the way I was. I was to quick to want to always find fault and weaknesses in others, but did not want to look at my own. We are not to judge! only the Lord can judge. What a lesson for me! Ok.. so in December , my gentleman friend had a conviction from the Lord to throw out his porn tapes.. and yes I know exactly how you felt as a woman as I am sure many woman do when their man is looking at porn. It makes us feel unworthy and not beautiful. I had to learn to love myself and recognize that I am beautiful in the Lord’s eyes. God is a perfectionist. He does not create mistakes. He created me and he created you. Ok go to Part 2 as I am afraid of running out of room. Faithwoman