I would say I know how you feel...but if you are 5/6 and 150, I seriously think you are being WAY too hard on yourself. That's NOT heavy, fat, flabby, or anything else by any means. I bet there are tons of people reading this that are downright jealous. I'm jealous.
I will tell you this, self-loathing will not help any. God has a purpose for you, and Satan will do everything he can to undermine that purpose. I've been there...actually, I'm not sure I've ever been anywhere BUT there.
About 3 months ago, I weighed 250 lbs. I was hopelessly stuck in a rut, and was straying pretty far away from God. But He brought me back. I just had to be willing to hand it all over to Him and not try to hold onto anything. I began walking every day for about 15-20 minutes, and slowly worked that up over the past months. Walking faster, then running, and eventually adding in weight training and swimming. Right now, I'm at about 180, and I've lost over 10 inches around my waist. You need to feel good about YOU first. You need to learn to love who you are and the things that you do like about yourself. Because if you can't love yourself at 150, you won't love yourself at 100.
And you can talk about how you ruin things all you want, but it's hard for me to see. I've made a grand mess of a lot of things in my life. I literally TRIED to destroy my life at one point. But, in the ruins, I've found a new life. I miss my family because I lost everything, but I'm a much better person and have grown a lot since then. I can never regain what I've lost, but I can hope for a new, more Godly future.
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