Chrissyboy! To the forum!
I will ditto everything Boanerges has said and would add to not give up! This can be overcome!
I remember a time before I made Jesus my Lord, every time I picked up the bible, I would read something condemning. Every time. So I quit reading it. Then after I made Jesus Lord, it all changed. I was a believer, an on again/off again practicioner, but until I got sold out completely all I got was harshness. I think it was the enemy trying to keep me from the word. It worked for a time. But the Holy Spirit has ways!
So, dont give up, Chrissyboy, He is there. You will find your answers! 
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Be transparent before God, He sees right thru you, anyway!
http://www.likepreciousfaith.org/testimony_val.htm
Please pray for your local emergency responders, daily.
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