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covenant4 · 03-07-2007, 02:27 PM

I said I was done with this thread but I have one more thing I want to say first.

The purpose of the post was perhaps for validation. I do not see that as being wrong to do that. I see it as being important to get outside help about events where Christians come to completely different conclusions about right and wrong behavior. Obviously someone should be apologizing for something.

Quote:

We are being treated as though we were wrong for expecting it to be used for what it was agreed upon but we don’t feel as though we were wrong for expecting her to keep her word. To us it is a matter of trust and honesty.

Quite often threads will take on a life of its own and stray from the intent. This post has done that. I have made it clear that we have forgiven in our hearts. Because there is no remorse on their parts, their perception of us remains that we are the ones that are wrong for expecting her to buy a specific item that she herself had said she wanted. It was in a thrift shop 700 miles from me. I could not have bought it and sent it to her. That was the reason for sending her the money so that she could buy it herself. But, she in effect, immediately took the gift out of our granddaughter’s mouth and gave it to her son’s college education instead, without either discussing it with us beforehand or informing us of it afterwards. She knew we were not going to contribute to it and therefore, in effect, made us contribute to it against our wishes.

In Matthew and Luke I related to the clear guidelines that Jesus laid out for Christians to follow in situations such as this. It was specifically for these kinds of circumstances. That principle we are to follow was not an opinion - it was a command. Jesus never condoned wrongdoing and we are not supposed to either – even if it is ones spouse. It was intended to prevent discord and ensure harmony in the church. When matters of disputes arise, the cause of Christ is to be put above all else – even ones spouse. When that is done in any Christian home, then what should be occuring is that ones spouse is to encourage the other to do the right thing and support them in the process. It would be no different if I stole money from the collection plate. According to scripture, my spouse is supposed to encourage me to turn myself in, pay the price for my behavior, ask for forgiveness from the church and support me in the meantime. If he “supported” me in my desire to keep the money, he would be partaking of my sin according to scripture and no Christian should be saying; “good for the son.”

This is not a matter of bitterness and stubbornness. It is not a matter of whether or not we have a forgiving spirit or not. I consider forgiving to be a freedom and a release from anger taking root. I cannot tell you how often I have done that – but the events were normally outside the immediate family where it was much easier to simply walk away from it. But these are our only immediate family and how they see us is important to us as Christians because their perception is wrong and this does concern us. In the short time we have interelated with her, this is only one of many “odd” behaviors we have had to endure. We have had to set aside outright rude and almost mean behaviors in the past until we felt it was time to say something. One such instance occurred when, shortly after we found out he was going to be a new father, I asked his wife for 3 baby photos he had of himself. He had taken them out of our albums to bring with him when he left home to move to Virginia before he was married. I told her that I wanted to make a “life story” CD that began when we adopted him in Colombia, SA up until he became a father. It was to be a gift for his birthday and she thought it was a wonderful idea and that he would absolutely love it. She was to send them to me and then I was to send them back to her after I copied them. I couldn’t ask my son for them or else it would spoil the surprise. She didn’t send them even though I asked her several times for them. The next time we visited, I asked her for them while she was sitting on the couch beside me. She said they were upstairs. She didn’t get up to go and get them. We left very puzzled and confused. We said nothing even though we were never able to do something wonderful for him.

As I said before, the thing that is making us most sad, is that because of their views of us being in the wrong and us knowing we are not, it is causing a strain that was not their before. And that is not what we want.

Now, I am done.